You're probably woken up by the explosion first. A loud, deafening boom comes from behind the walls of the residential district. When you look outside your window towards the darker, more secretive area of the city, you might see the structure around it... crumbling, the land falling in on itself slowly but surely. That might be what wakes you up first. If it doesn't, you may be awoken instead by the sudden jerking feeling behind your navel pulling you from where you are to somewhere... else.
It's dark. The first thing you notice is that it's dark -- and then come the scrabbling sounds of creatures in the dark, like metal being dragged across metal, a chilling, sharp sound. The first thing that becomes clear, as your vision adjusts, is that you're on a rickety pathway, metal and rusting and frail, above what appears to be yawning blackness. Far, far below, there's the faint sound of rushing water, a ways away.
The second thing that becomes clear is that you are very much not alone. Something is out there with you, and from the screeching metallic noises that come ever closer, it seems to be stalking you.
Thankfully, you're not alone -- right?  ...
...........
................
:)
|
PHASE I [ ??? ] It’s drafty here. You’re below ground, that’s for certain from the echoes of the wind in the darkness. If you continue on forwards along the rickety, metal railing that serves as a walkway, the skittering noises of creatures in the dark follow -- but they don’t appear.
It seems everyone has been dumped along this pathway at random; you may be with friends, with enemies or with someone you’ve never met before, but either way, it soon becomes clear. There are only two ways to go along this path: up or down.
If you choose to take the path that follows a gradual slope down, the sounds of water lapping against a surface increase bit by bit, the air growing heavier and danker, until finally, the metallic platform gives way very suddenly (watch your step!) to a muddy bank. Down here, everything is darker, and not far away there’s the water. It’s cold and frigid and there are unfriendly creatures that await if you choose to delve into it. However, if you brave those creatures, and dive deeply enough, there is a mask. It rests half-buried by silt and rocks, but it’s there, and can be found by any intrepid explorers.
Somehow, it feels a little familiar.
And if you carry on in the cave system underground, eventually you will come across what appears to be an altar. There is blood on it -- not fresh, but not more than a month old -- and pieces of trinkets. Old bits of cloth, locks of hair, and some of them may even be familiar. Any dropped character who has a reasonably large amount of spiritual or magical power may have left scraps, such as pieces of clothing, trinkets, hair, or the sort behind at the altar.
Maybe that's why they weren't in the Nexus Code.
PHASE II [ ??? ] If you go up, you will eventually make your way above ground. It takes some time, and some luck -- you’ll have to avoid rusty railing and pathways, the path crumbling under you and that creeping sensation that something is following and watching you -- and then you’ll suddenly be in fresh air.
Well. It’s not so fresh, really.
The landscape is broken down and crumbled. It may have once been part of the city of Cerealia, but now it is in utter disrepair and decay. Buildings have crumbled, and debris is everywhere. There are signs of the same level of technology that Cerealia has -- but it is all broken down and utterly inaccessible.
And you’re not alone.
It seems the technology and metal and broken down destruction has gained sentience over its time sitting alone, waiting. And it is not happy to be disturbed. The creatures are made of pieces of everything around them, and when cut down, they’ll just slowly rebuild themselves from the debris.
It might be time to run.
They aren't happy about being disturbed, and you're in their way.
PHASE III [ ??? ] Above ground, there are a lot of broken down buildings.
Some can’t be accessed at all; some are too broken, too reduced to rubble. For those looking for shelter, they'll be able to find buildings where the doors can be forced open and they can camp out on the inside to various degrees of stability. Though the ceiling may cave in or the floor fall out from under you at a moment's notice, it's better than being out there. Be careful, because none of the architecture here can be trusted anymore.
And other buildings... are even less trustworthy than that.
There is a series of buildings in the midst of the wasteland, somehow still standing. They stand there silently, towering over the rest of the rubble in their two-story glory, and if the doors are forced open, it soon becomes clear that the building itself is full of mirrors.
Once, the mirrors had perhaps covered the walls and ceiling. Once, this building might have been akin to something of a ballet studio, somewhere to express yourself creatively. But now the mirrors are shattered and broken into pieces and the building lacks the joy it might have once held. Shards of mirror cover the floor, some big, some not so big, but they still hang from the walls as well and everywhere you look, you can see yourself.
And then, the reflection changes. From one blink to the next, you see a memory playing in the mirrors. Your memory. You’ll see a glimpse of one of your most traumatic or life-changing moments, broken up but clear in the shards. Blink and look away, and it’s gone, only to show up again in the next mirror a few moments later. Surely it’s just a trick of the light, right?
Except if someone else is with you, they’ll see it too -- and you might end up seeing a bit of their own past as well. Hope you're fond of sharing.
PHASE IV [ ??? ] If you survive the monsters, the crumbling landscape and the untrustworthy buildings, you may eventually find a terminal. It is buried deep among the rubble. One turn around a corner, one stumble into a hole, and you will find it. It sits there, out in the middle of nowhere; the building in which it used to be housed is apparently long gone, reduced to nothing but rubble.
And if you turn it on, there is a brief message.
Transmission Broadcasting.
Transmission Connected.
And then, there is a face.
BONUS [ ??? ] For those who have been wearing their masks a little too much, they might also start to notice that there are some strange effects attached, which worsen the more they’ve been wearing said masks. How badly they worsen is up to your discretion.
➝ Broken Mask: An intense feeling of paranoia, focused on whoever your character is with. They might also begin to remember fabricated memories of being betrayed by those people.
➝ Barcode Mask: Everything will begin to have value to them. There will be whispers in the back of their mind of the worth of their friends, the worth of a monster, the worth of everything around them. An intense need to own and consume as much as possible and as quickly as possible.
➝ Dripping Blood Mask: An intense lack of self-worth, a hollow feeling and thoughts of being weak and empty. Feeling as disposable as possible and an intense listless along with it.
➝ :( Mask: A need to prove yourself, to show everyone how strong you are as quickly as possible. You can do things, you can be of worth to everyone around you. Why won't they see that? Why?
➝ Ivy Mask: A choking sort of terror from all things metal and technology based, and a need to lash out against it. An intense distrust for anything that they feel is against the laws of nature.
➝ Grey Mask: More personable than normal, more emotional, more empathetic. An intense feeling of kindness and gratitude to those around you and a renewed love of life.
➝ Feather Mask: A dulled, lack of emotion. A detached feeling to everything around you. A sort of bland curiosity towards things without any empathetic reaction.
➝ Bloody Fingerprints Mask: They'll feel absolutely fine. No change.
The effects of the broken mask can stack on top of the others, if they chose to break their mask after the other effects began to appear. No other effects can be stacked, as no other changes can be stacked.
PENALTY [ ??? ] For characters who die while in the dark parts of the city, things will get... a little strange. They will die as normal, but they will wake up almost immediately after their death -- in the Nexus Code. They will have a few surreal moments to be there, to see their friends who have left Cerealia hanging lifelessly from odd, glimmering strands (though there are some faces, of course, that are missing, anyone who was spiritual, or magical, seems strangely absent) and then --
They’re back to being dead.
When characters revive in Cerealia, anywhere from one IC day to three or four IC days later, they will find that things are… not quite right with their code. They’re glitching, for a lack of a better word. Sometimes, their fingers will phase right through an object, their own limbs registering as cold and lifeless. Sometimes, they will see a face watching them -- but when they turn around to try to see who it is, the face will be gone.
These effects will last an IC week, before slowly things go back to normal.
That was strange.
[ Remember to apply proper warnings on threads with sensitive or inappropriate material and do let a mod know if your thread careens off into maiming or canoodling so we can lock the log. ] |
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
They talk over each other as there are too many things to be said and then sudden silence when neither of them can say it. It stretches for a few seconds, Lili's eyes shutting as the tears flow more freely as it dawns on her that this is why he doesn't think he can change. That he's not meant to be better.]
I...!
[Ah, a sob breaks her sentence as she wipes at her own eyes. There are many ways she can finish that.
I'm so sorry. I misjudged you. I didn't mean to remind you of what you don't have anymore. I--]
I still... wish I could be as strong as you!
no subject
There are a lot of responses to what he did. To his betrayal, to his rather pitiful death, to the way that in the end, he welcomed it because he saw absolutely no way out--it's pathetic, and he knows it. Condemnation, disgust, distaste... there are so many possibilities. It's strange, really. Even though he butts heads with Lili, he finds her honesty refreshing too. He doesn't...dislike her, certainly, and he finds that he doesn't want her to judge him.
And she doesn't.
She... still wishes for that?
Suddenly, his throat feels tight for another reason, and he swallows quickly, because he doesn't know how to deal with that sort of emotion. But... he knows that he can't lose it here and now, in a dangerous landscape, all because he's not being condemned when that's already all he deserves, by someone who gave herself up so selflessly for someone she loved.
(It was what he did, except she had no reason to do it. She wasn't trying to make up for treachery. She wasn't already at the bottom of her life. She had potential, and a life before her, and she still did it.
Is that what selfless looked like, when it wasn't Stahn?)]
...Don't.
[It's said more softly this time, though.]
What I did--what I've done--wasn't strong. But you...
[What she did... it's different. And:]
That was. Do not mistake what we've done as the same. They are not. They never could be.
no subject
It was my fault....
[The words that she's yet to have the chance to admit out loud.
Yona doesn't remember. No one knew what Lili had gone through. Not only does Leon know now what she's been through but.... for all that he says that they're different, she doesn't see it. Hadn't they both put their friends in danger? Hadn't Leon found a solution to save them all? Hadn't he had the strength to make up for what he had done wrong, but with far more conviction and grace than Lili could manage?
Look at her now, still so afraid.]
Yona is - [my hope, my sun, my everything] - giving. She'll even help someone like me but because of me, she got hurt and-
["I'll shield you with my own body if I have to," was something that Lili had promised Yona once.
This was just being true to her word.
When she looks at Leon, she hopes that he understands. Like how Stahn is important to him, Yona was truly the one person that Lili would do anything for. Those giving, hopeful types... the kind of person that Lili so desperately wants to be even if she doesn't know if she can.]
I didn't do anything strong - I thought I just... I just wanted to do something right for once.
[They'd talked about it before.
About how they both admired those who could be so selfless, so giving. That type of behavior is rare but it is important and... Lili knows that if anyone can understand, perhaps it's Leon.]
no subject
To her, Yona is her Stahn. Warm, bright, giving, important. The person who brings light to dark places, even when it's undeserved. The person who has so much love for everyone, even people like them, who couldn't give any love back.
If Lili wants to help Yona, if Lili wants to better herself, if Lili wants to not end up like Leon, then...
He glances back at the mirrors, but there isn't even a flicker in his expression at the sight of that water now. He's seen it too many times before--instead, he turns resolutely away.]
We need to get out here.
[This building isn't safe.
And if Lili wants to better herself--]
Be better than me.
[She says she admires his strength, that she wants to be as strong as him. But that wasn't enough.]
If you are going to do something right--if you are going to protect that person, you must be stronger than me.
[Because in the end, there was nothing he could do either, which makes him too weak. And while Leon can't improve himself anymore, because it's far too late for him... it isn't too late for Lili. So long as she's still breathing back home, there's a chance. And... watching that chance go feels wrong.]
Accept nothing less.
no subject
[The differences between them are obvious.
Even though they both received tutoring, hers were topics strictly intended to keep her inside and sheltered and away from the rest of the world. It would be unheard of if she ever tried to pick up swordsmanship when she was home. Leon is stronger than she is. He's more tenacious, far more stubborn, but that makes him determined. At his side, he works with Chaltier who in turn makes him even more powerful and capable.
The distance between them is vast. Leon is everything she is and more.
But she doesn't think so maliciously - if anything, he gives her hope, even if she can't find the words for that in this moment. Not when the tears prick at her eyes as she realizes that even for all his strength, he still....]
Leon....
[The tears in her eyes finally roll down her cheeks again, new fresh trails of tears.]
You... aren't mad?
[Frustrated? Angry? Sad?
His life is over.
Yet he faced those images of rushing water so easily.
How?]
no subject
And while he hopes that she'll be able to find a way to go down a different path and be better than him, there are a lot of ways in which... he simply doesn't know how. There are a lot of concepts he doesn't understand, after all. Stahn says that he should've depended on them. He should have depended on his friends.
But even now. He can't.
Even now... he just can't.
If that's another way that he's weak, he doesn't know how to make her strong, and when she turns tearful eyes on him, he just looks away sharply, eyes narrowed. She's probably not going to like what he has to say, but he doesn't know any answer beyond what's the truth.]
... There was nothing left for me.
[It's said dully, even as glass crunches beneath his feet as he leads the way out, determined and focused. At least on this, he can be focused.]
I threw it all away. [Everything he had. His knighthood, his prestige, his reputation. Marian, his home, his friends. Everything. He threw it all away for...... well.]
There is still nothing left for me. It was the inevitable outcome. I knew--
[... He knew that Hugo was going to throw him away.
He'd always known.]
--I knew that I was going to die there. I told you...our situations are different. [For one, Lili has people who care and people to live for. She has a cause she's fighting for. She has a home she loves.
It's different, and that's why Lili can't die.]
no subject
Except his words make her pause.
They should go, they need to keep moving forward, she knows that but suddenly she feels weak.
Her chest aches. Her eyes sting. Her entire body feels numb.
Leon had once said "You don't know anything about me" and now she feels like she almost knows crushingly too much and his willingness to tell her more stings. Why? Why won't he tell her about the things that he likes but things like this will be explained so easily?]
... You deserved so much more than that.
[Than a hopeless fate.
To truly believe that he has nothing. Yet she can't find a way to disagree. How difficult, when he doesn't even love his homeland. Perhaps at a time he had Stahn, but even then she watched him push them away.
Yet there's no pity in her voice or her gaze - there are only traces of anger at the world that treated him like that, that made him hopeless even as he goes out of his way to save others in trouble, that even despite his awful situation there are still traces of good in him.]
You deserve... so much more.
no subject
Didn't deserve it.
But she's trying to tell him here and now that he didn't deserve it, and he's silent for a moment, because he needs a moment to swallow down the tightness in his throat. He needs...to get control over himself. Why is he even emotional over this? Why? There's no reason for it. This had been... inevitable.
She stops, angry and loud and sharp, and he doesn't turn to look at her, though he, too, has to stop.]
... No.
[A slow breath, and he turns finally, facing her properly, expression as flat and steeled as he can make it.]
You don't understand anything even now. I've told you already--our situations were different. [He'll say it until he's blue in the face...because he doesn't want her to believe that in the end, her situation could ever be as hopeless as hers. She needs to fight for as long as she's breathing. To protect her homeland. And he'll do what it takes to try to convince her of their difference.]
I betrayed my king. I threw away my knighthood. I am a traitor to my country.
[Those things he says immediately, sharply, coldly.
Why doesn't anyone condemn him for this? Condemnation is all he's searching for. He doesn't deserve to have Lili get angry on his behalf like this, and he needs her to know that.]
I betrayed my companions and my fr-- [...] --and Stahn. And you think I deserved better than that?
[He scoffs softly under his breath. That was exactly what he deserved.
And he turns away again to start walking again.]
Keep walking.
no subject
But only for long enough to catch up to him and snag onto his cape - hadn't she done this when they first met too? When she was so fearful for him, so scared that he would be hurt because of her - and stop walking again, yelling out all too rash and raw:]
Stop walking away from me!
[Don't.
It's a light-headed feeling as she contemplates everything he says. So that's his true feelings for his king. Even after all that he'd worked for his knighthood and everything that he'd told her about how hard he trained, how hard he worked, how much he wanted to do those things of his own volition--
A sob escapes her without her permission but words tumble out a moment after.
Does he think that they're so different?]
I betray and disobey my father on a regular basis. I have been exiled from the capitol. I should have been executed at his hand for treason.
[Yet it's not the same.
Exile meant that she was instead put in a different estate, yet one that was nonetheless lush and extravagant, stationed closer to the town that she worked so hard to save. She was spared from execution because her land doesn't allow for such barbaric measures. Deep down, she knows that her father may still truly love her.
Her world is kinder.
She did nothing to earn it.]
Why...
[Why is his world so cruel?]
no subject
Leon threw it all away for one person.
That's all he knows for sure. What he did...it's unforgivable, regardless of his reasons.
The tug on his cloak gets him to stop, but he just looks away, expression grim. He doesn't want to look at her--at her tears, at her sad expression, at the way that she seems so upset on his behalf for no reason.]
You--
[He scoffs faintly, but there's no bite to it. If anything...he feels like he's losing his grip on his control of this conversation. It's rapidly spiraling away from him, and he's afraid. He's afraid, now, now that things are going further and further from what he expected.]
Enough! I-- I've told you already! I deserved what I got. [Each word is bitten out sharply, one by one.] I was too weak. I was a traitor.
Just--accept it! [Please... it's easier, when he's condemned for it.
When people care...when they worry about him, or think he didn't deserve it--he doesn't know what to do.]
no subject
[In a way, it also sounds a lot like Look at me!
The hand holding onto his cape, clutching in her hand - it shakes. It shakes with her emotion and it trembles under her anger at the world that wronged him to this extent. It's unfair. It's unfair and he deserved better and he can't see that. He refuses to see that.
Her tears run freely and so do her words, the lock and chain on her eloquence broken only by the rushing force of her emotions.
She hears the way that she wants him to condemn him - the way that it'd almost be easier than to have to fight.
But Lili's always been so painfully stubborn and now she is also stubbornly pained.]
I can't and - you can't ask me to change how I feel.... because I won't! [There's no way that she can. Not when they're too alike, for all the nuanced differences between them. Yet why does she have hope and he doesn't?] For whatever your reasons, we did the same things - stop trying to make excuses....!!
[A shaky breath. Her free hand is also clenched into a fist. How mortifying - how can she stand here crying when he's not?
How can he not see that he's still stronger than her in every single way?]
I can't accept any of this!
Not when you're like this - [like Stahn, like Yona, like those people with muted strength that can make a change in the world] - and I need you...!
no subject
So...]
Why...?
[The word escapes him despite himself, soft and breathily, almost tremulous in his uncertainty. Why... would she even care? He doesn't understand. All of these people, they care, over and over and over again. Stahn, despite how Leon had hurt him worst of all. Otome, despite deserving better. Lili, despite knowing nothing about him.
He doesn't understand, and it makes him feel uncertain and.....weak.
If this is what depending on people feels like...why is it like standing on the edge of a precipice and hoping for the best?]
Why are you... like this? Why are you so--focused on this?
[Why are you so sure, when he's sure of the opposite--that he's a terrible person, and that he doesn't deserve this sort of consideration at all.]
no subject
[And isn't that the problem? Isn't that the problem - that she'd even still try to answer his easier question first before anything else? Even if she doesn't have answers for him or the right words, she's stubbornly trying to do... something. Anything. To maybe take the fear away from his eyes but isn't she just making it worse?
Her fingers uncurl then, letting go of his cape, letting go of him and her hands clench into fists instead, still shaking tremulously as fear and uncertainty and a million other emotions wash over her.]
But I -- no.
You..... You've helped me.
[She told him at the carnival. For all their negative altercations, he's never done anything but help her. He's walked her to the park, even if they argued on the way there. His company isn't awful - it's not even bad. It's... refreshing to think that she can argue with someone and not feel hated or afraid or judged.
But she doesn't have words for that.]
Even now...! I... I don't know where to go. Even now, I'm following you.
And I... I doubt that I'm the only one.
[She doubts she's the only one who needs Leon.]
no subject
But this is what he has to do. This is what Stahn is always urging him to do. This... is what he should do.
But he can't. He can't believe in people that easily, even knowing that he should. He just...can't change. But the longer he's here...the more he wishes he could. His breath hitches, even as Lili faces him with all of that strength that he told her she needed to have. In a lot of ways, when she grabs her emotions in hand like this...
He knows that she's strong.]
I... I didn't do it for you. I--
[That answer comes immediately, but... who is he doing this for, then? Why is he breathing? Why is he here? Isn't it...to help Stahn? To make sure Stahn gets home, so he can save their world, and because Stahn is just too important to not--
He breathes out slowly, shoulders slumping, head ducking. He's so tired. It's been so difficult to pick himself back up from when he'd died, accepting that he had nothing left to worry about, and that he was taking the coward's way out--and now he's here, and he has to face all of those things he was trying to escape.
And this girl....this girl who won't allow him to try to ignore it all...]
Don't...act as though you know. Nobody should need me here. You saw it. [...] I'm dead.
[There's really no going back from that, no matter how he tries to pretend otherwise.]
no subject
For Lili, they just inspire new, fresh tears. When she looks at him, she doesn't hide away anymore. She can't. There's nothing to hide when she's already made such a fool of herself in front of him. She doesn't know if she can reach him like this but god, she wants to.]
But you're not gone. You're here. I don't-- I don't know what that means - [she can't even pretend to] - but it has to mean something!
It doesn't matter anymore whether people should or shouldn't need you... whether you should or shouldn't be alive... because you're already here and -
[And I still need you.
To demonstrate strength. To be competent. To just exist in this space so that she knows that he's okay.
Her throat nearly keeps her from speaking anymore, closing up, but she manages to whisper out:]
Please don't give up again....
Fight for something better -- because you deserve better...!!
no subject
If he was dead, none of that would be happening.
But he's not dead here.
He's dead back home.
And it's the most confusing state of affairs. Because he's never lived a life where it wasn't for someone else. His goals had been to escape his father, and to make Marian proud, but that's all gone now, because he failed at both. Now... now his goals are to get Stahn back home so he can save their world, because the people in it are still important to him. Because Stahn is still important to him.
But he doesn't have anything beyond that.
And he probably never will.
The realization settles heavily on his shoulders, but in contrast, his breathing grows calmer, even as he sighs, eyes sliding shut. Fight for something better. (He can't.) He deserves better. (He doesn't.)]
Enough, Lili. [In contrast to a lot of his harried harshness, this is calm, and if it wasn't such a cold tone, it'd be a little gentle.]
...You're correct. I'm breathing here. For now, temporarily, I am alive. I don't intend to waste this opportunity. There are things I still must do.
[...But not for himself. Never for himself, because he doesn't deserve it, even if it's too important to waste.]
For now, that is enough.
no subject
Is any of this enough? She bristles when he tells her to stop - she doesn't accept that and she's never done well when people have told her to settle down. Even though he agrees and he tells her that he's alive and that he's not planning on wasting an opportunity, it doesn't fit.]
Why do you sound so resigned then?
[For a moment, she has whiplash.
It's like yelling at her father. It's like trying to reason with someone who is immobile and doesn't plan on taking further action than necessary, right down to being told Enough, Lili and then dismissed, sent away because she can't control her emotions. If anything, the memory just manages to work her up more.]
Why... why aren't you excited to live...?
How could this - this state of breathing and doing only what you must do - how is that enough...?!
[Why doesn't he have things that he likes?
Why doesn't he love his home?
Why can't she think of anything that brings him the happiness that he deserves after all his hard work?]
no subject
Because her questions... they get under his skin. They bother him, and he tenses at that, any of the calm he was attempting to gather to himself dissipating. It's true. He's not excited to live. He hasn't been, not since--
(There's a memory he has, of Marian, asking him to help her with the shopping, and he'd taken her bags and she'd commented on how much he'd grown, and how proud of him she was--)
--moments that are long gone, and that he can't retrieve, and his fists clench because Marian's lost to him now and it hurts to have to admit that it's for the better for her, because now she'll be safe.]
... It isn't enough.
[Living like this--it's terrible. The fact that he's breathing some days is the worst thing in the world to him, and other days the fact that he can feel his heart beating is enough to make him want to cry. In the end, he is a sixteen year old boy; even if he'd resigned himself to his death, it's still terrifying. He never wanted this end. But it's the end he had, and now it's tainted everything else. He can't live like this--not for long.]
But tell me--what should I have to be excited about?
[He's dead. He threw away his reputation and his career. He betrayed his friends. He can't just...pretend none of that ever happened. He wouldn't want to.]
no subject
Emotionally, she is a disaster and even now that he's agree - even now that he admits that no, this life is not enough - she doesn't know what to do. It makes her upset. It makes her cry. It makes her knuckles turn white with how hard she's clenching her hands into fists.
When the words spill out of her mouth, they are unpolished and they aren't pretty and they aren't elegant, but by god are they sincere.]
Anything.
[If she makes it past her horrid memory, if she makes it away from the execution grounds, if she breaks free from the abuse that she's dealt, she won't know what to do with herself. She'll know that. She'll know that she won't forgive herself if something happened to Yona. But there's always this hope of a happy ending. That maybe everything will turn out okay.
Leon met his ending and it's not the same but he's here now. He's here now and her voice almost sounds pleading-]
I know that you think this world is bad - that people are malicious - but it's all we have... and there are still people who care. [Like Yona. Like Stahn. Like anyone that they've met here.] And maybe it's..... it's corrupt and difficult now especially but I-
[I think we'll live past this. I have hope. I want to breathe clean air again.]
I'll find them for you then....! If you can't see them on your own, I'll find things for you to be excited about, just watch me!!
no subject
She'll...find them for him? But... why? Why would she even care? He doesn't understand it at all, and it's almost too much for him to process. He didn't think there was anything for him to care about in a place like this, aside from Stahn, getting Stahn home, protecting Stahn, and there's a part of him that still does, but even so...
Even so--
It's like a glimmer of something else.
And for a moment, his face crumples, and he looks his age for once, lost and confused and...so afraid to hope.]
I--
[He's afraid of what she's saying, but when she says it with that level of force and desperation...]
... I don't understand. But you...
[... Ha.]
You're stronger than you look. [So much force behind her words. So much fierce emotion behind her thoughts. And so much refusal to give in, even when there's a lost cause before her.] That's... good.
[It means she'll be okay, despite that memory. That's what he thinks.
She'll be fine, with strength like that.]
That's...
[... good. But... but as for him... what is he supposed to even do anymore? What is he supposed to say? What... should he even be hoping for, now?]
no subject
But Lili just blinks through her tears then, even as they keep falling - she's been crying this entire time and he'll still call her stronger than she looks? How odd. It makes her feel something in her chest, even if she can't find what it is. It's something tight around her heart, a distinct pressure - but it's warm, too.
How can he reassure her even when she hasn't done anything for him? Even when that's all that she wants to do?
So even as she wipes at her tears with the back of her sleeves now, at least trying to clean up her face.]
I.... I don't know if I'm strong or not. [It's confusing, this feeling of being useless and helpless at odds with the words of praise from someone whose opinion she respects.] I still need more training and.....
[And I'm bad with people. And I get scared of everything. And I don't have the exact words that would be able to give you hope.
But even still-]
But you can't give up anymore.... It's been a really hard fight, I know it has and maybe I still don't know anything but--
But if you're looking for something to be excited about or if you want to give up or-- or anything....!
Please don't forget about me.... [Please don't push her away, even if they butt heads or if they aren't friends. Even if they don't understand each other and even if she'll never be that important to him-] I won't leave you!
[She never wants him to be so alone again.]
no subject
Hugo casually sending him to fight his friends, and to his inevitable death.
Hugo standing above him, when he'd failed to even scratch him.
... It's on the tip of his tongue, really. It's right there, waiting to be said, a simple--"I was never meant for anything more than this", because from the time he was born, this was his purpose. Used. Thrown aside. But... there's something in Lili's expression and face that keeps the words from escaping him.
Instead... he sighs, and there's something that feels very defeated about things, because even in the end, worn down as he is, all he can say is:]
I didn't ask for that. I didn't ask for you to stay by me.
[He...didn't ask for someone to make sure he isn't lonely. He never asked--
(And even if he wants it, in a way, and wants to never be alone again, he'll never be able to ask.)]
no subject
You don't have to....!
[She hears his sigh and she hears the defeat creeping in again - and she almost stomps her foot in response. No. Stop that, stop that, stop thinking that your life is over and isn't worth anything again. But she can't be that juvenile, it's not that simple. If only words alone would be able to uplift a person.
But instead she has to admit:]
Asking is.... I can't even ask for that - [How could she ask for something that she couldn't even manage herself?] - Asking for company is... [frightening and nerve-wracking and weak] impossible.
But I don't... [A firm shake of her head.] I don't want you and Chaltier to be alone anymore - ever again...!
So I'd just meant that - I want to be there.... [I want to be useful.] I want you to never have to go through that feeling anymore.
[She's alone in this world.
Everyday, she feels like she's just wasting time as everyone that she knows and loves isn't here or doesn't even remember her.
If she could stop even one more person from feeling that.... is that strength too?]
no subject
Even if he doesn't realize it himself.
But he, too, doesn't want to be alone anymore. He doesn't want to go down this path again, and he doesn't want to be so lonely. Dying alone... it was the most terrifying part of it of all, and yet he knows he brought it on himself.
But he can't so easily accept it, either. Even if Lili's the one extending her hand this time, he can't take it. He couldn't even take Stahn's hand. And so, uncomfortable, he crosses his arms and looks away, huffing faintly under his breath.]
...I don't need your help. I don't...want your help.
[But her company... maybe that wouldn't be so bad, even if he can't say so. Even if... he may never be able to say so, maybe not being alone wouldn't be terrible.]
I don't want your pity either. [Which isn't something she's given him--yet. But even so, he wants to declare that immediately. To be treated differently because of this... it would be unbearable.]
no subject
[An immediate, unflinching clarification.
Because she understands. How many times has she told people to take their pity elsewhere when they've heard of her situation, when they've realized that she's all alone in this big world without any idea of who she can trust, when it's made absolutely clear that she's truly... pathetic? Yet it boggles her mind that Leon would even need to say that.
Is it not clear? It is not clear that she admires his strength? It is not clear that she thinks that there was nothing wrong with his actions?
But as for her help... she shakes her head stubbornly.]
You don't.... You probably don't need my help-
[She knows that.
What can she do, after all? Yet even so.]
I know I'm weak and I know that you're already more capable than I am but.... but if you ever find yourself in a difficult situation again.... I won't let you face it alone!
[Determined. Resolute. There is no fear in her words.]
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)