estoria | and when we burst, start over [ OPEN ]

Entry tags:

and when we burst, start over [ OPEN ]

Who: Dipper & YOU
When: IC 5/26
Where: Various
What: Dipper died, but life goes on.
Rating/Warning: Talk of death

[ A: REENTRY ]

[ It’s all the same.

The Powerpoint. The spiel. The drop into VIVID. It’s even the same level he initially arrived in. He’s almost nauseous with the sense of deja vu - if he weren’t already nauseous with the feeling of being alive again.

He’s been dropped into the middle of the Tetris level, and he’s so disoriented at the simple impossibility of life that he reacts slower than he should. It’s not that he didn’t expect to be revived. Logically, he knew he would, but there’s only so far that logic can take him when something so final as death is so casually overwritten.

Finally, he does react - a Tetris block is about to flatten him, and he ducks out of the way. The block should clip his shoulder as he awkwardly run-falls away from it, but...it doesn’t. That’s weird. VIVID must be glitching.

It’s only then that he realizes he might not be the only one in this particular level right now. ]

[ B: REUNIONS ]

[ After logging out of VIVID, Dipper makes his way back to the apartment. It’s the obvious place to go, isn’t it? He definitely doesn’t want to go anywhere else. The thing is...he doesn’t really want to go there, either, and the thought of being isolated in his room once again makes his skin crawl with anxious dread. But he knows he can’t leave his roommates and friends hanging. Dipper can’t be sure who knows what happened to him, but he’s sure at least his close friends could probably guess if they weren’t outright told. They’re a sharp bunch.

He kind of wishes they weren’t so sharp right now.

Though he realizes with sharp responsibility that he can’t keep them in suspense forever, Dipper hesitates in front of the door, because he knows, he knows once he goes inside, the unavoidable things he’s been dreading will happen. He’ll have to own up to what happened. He’ll have to process the tidal wave of emotions he’s only just kept at bay with forced numbness. He’ll be reunited with his friends.

He’ll be reunited with the person who saw him die.

Swallowing against a dry throat, Dipper turns the handle on the front door and heads inside. ]

[ C: REPRIEVE ]

[ After talking to his roommates, there’s only so long that Dipper can stay in the apartment. There’s just too much of something he can’t name, and he has to leave.

Before he does that, he sends out a short message to Minato and Hiro. They knew what had happened to him, and they deserved to know he was back. There are probably others he should text, too, but sending messages to just the two of them already took more out of him than he wanted to admit.

And then, he leaves. Maybe it’s selfish - maybe he should stay where Yu and Rise could know he’s safe and well and alive, but he just can’t stay there anymore. He’s restless. So he heads out to take a walk.

He eventually makes his way to the gardens, hands shoved in his vest pockets and every so often, he turns quickly to glance over his shoulder. That’s strange, he could’ve sworn he saw someone watching him from the corner of his eye. He chalks it up to his nerves getting the better of him, but a nagging voice in the back of his head insists that there’s more to it than that.

The gardens aren’t really his typical go-to place to unwind, but at least they’re quiet and he doesn’t want much more than that at the moment. Eventually, he sits in front of one of the trees and leans back against it. It’s fine, for a moment, until something goes wrong and he falls backwards, right through the tree.

There is absolutely nothing to see here. There is definitely not a kid seemingly fused with the trunk of a tree. Move along. ]

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[ It was a long night.

It's been a long day.

When Yu and Rise got back to the apartment - just the two of them - the first thing they did was get something to eat. Yu made sure to pace them, despite how starving the two of them felt. He remembered hearing somewhere that if you ate too much after having been starved for a while, you could make yourself really ill. Maybe it was something he'd overheard while working at the hospital? It wasn't important. After that, all they could do was pass out for a few hours of sleep. Yu was still carrying the fatigue from his injuries, though between Minato and Rapunzel's efforts, he no longer carried the pain or the marks of it. Just the memory, and the feeling like he'd deserved it.

By the time the early afternoon rolls around, the two of them are awake again, and Yu has made them both some tea. They haven't spoken much, really. There hasn't been anything to say. Yu knows the restlessness will catch up to him eventually. That soon enough he'll be driven from this place, that his shame will force him into action just so he doesn't have to think too much or too hard. But right now... right now, there isn't anywhere to go. Yosuke's door still hangs open, a gaping wound in his heart that won't heal over. He's still got a broken piece of headphone and a button and he doesn't know what to do with them, can't bring himself to throw them out. They're sitting in his room.

And then there's Dipper's door. It whispers ghosts and the words I'm sorry.

He and Rise sit side by side on the couch, their knees just barely bumping, the apartment so quiet and so empty around them as they both in their own way try to process everything that's happened, when the front door swings open.

Yu almost drops his tea in his haste to set it down. He's hardly aware of how wide his eyes are as he stares at the small, young figure stepping in through the doorway. He's hardly aware of getting to his feet, or of the ringing in his ears as he does so. He's hardly aware of crossing the apartment. What he is aware of, finally, is bending one knee so he can lean down and pull Dipper into him. Dipper, who is here, who isn't falling into the darkness. Dipper, who is warm and real and alive again. Dipper, who died for him. ]

Dipper.

[ His voice is a whisper. There's so much in it. A surge of relief, a steady wellspring of strength, an uncertainty, a joy. ]

[ He should have planned out what he was going to say. He should have prepared for this. He's going to walk in there and - do what, exactly? Apologize? Try to explain himself? Reassure them he was okay? What was he doing back here already?

He needs more time, he should have given himself more time he should have been prepared -

But before Dipper can take back his entrance into the apartment, before he can even really process what's happening, Yu is folding his arms around him and whispering his name with everything Dipper had feared and hoped.

Yu is here. He's alive. He's safe. What Dipper had done...had actually made a difference. ]

[ His breath catches in his throat as unspoken words pour into his mouth. There's so much that he wants to say. There's so much that he wants to do. His hands fist in Yu's shirt, gentle but desperate, the first clue that he is more than the picture of bewildered exhaustion he appears to be. If he'd felt too wrung out, too raw in the short time since his revival, fear and relief well up in his heart all at once, and tears in his eyes to match them.

And yet.

He's already done this too much. Buried his face and sobbed into Yu's shoulder. Maybe this time, he needs to be the strong one. He'd made the choice to die, hadn't he? And even if Yu had lived, he'd seen him fall. He'd felt Dipper's hand slip from his. He'd been unable to stop it, and with every other effort Yu had ever made to keep Dipper safe, Dipper knows it must be eating at him. Maybe Yu had lived, but Dipper hadn't spared him from the responsibility he bore as their leader.

He resists the urge to cave in. He resists the urge to curl up on his friend and ask to be protected, because in this world, they had no such luxury as safety. He'd learned that lesson the hard way. So what was the point?

What was the point?

Did I even do the right thing?

A slight shudder runs down his spine, and he glances over Yu's shoulder at Rise, silent as the grave. ]

[ Dipper's so young. And he's lost so much. Yu may have lost his best friend, but it was--

his job, wasn't it, his duty--

to be the strong one.

Dipper had lost his sister, and then the girl he had feelings for, and then his life. He wasn't the one who needed to be strong, here, who needed to be the support. Not when he'd been the one dragged into the darkness beneath the city. Even if Yu's core is trembling like it might snap under the weight of three separate deaths that he should have been able to prevent if he'd just been smarter, faster, better. More capable.

Why does everyone I care about want to kill themselves for the people they love when the people they love would sooner die than let that happen?

Because the people I love keep dying for me, and I can't seem to stop it.

Yu feels the shudder, and he draws back, though his hands remain on Dipper's shoulders. He's calm, because of course he is, and his eyes are thoughtful, his expression hard to read at best.

In the end, what he says, quietly and with an indecipherable, pale smile, is: ]

Welcome back.

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