estoria | and when we burst, start over [ OPEN ]

Entry tags:

and when we burst, start over [ OPEN ]

Who: Dipper & YOU
When: IC 5/26
Where: Various
What: Dipper died, but life goes on.
Rating/Warning: Talk of death

[ A: REENTRY ]

[ It’s all the same.

The Powerpoint. The spiel. The drop into VIVID. It’s even the same level he initially arrived in. He’s almost nauseous with the sense of deja vu - if he weren’t already nauseous with the feeling of being alive again.

He’s been dropped into the middle of the Tetris level, and he’s so disoriented at the simple impossibility of life that he reacts slower than he should. It’s not that he didn’t expect to be revived. Logically, he knew he would, but there’s only so far that logic can take him when something so final as death is so casually overwritten.

Finally, he does react - a Tetris block is about to flatten him, and he ducks out of the way. The block should clip his shoulder as he awkwardly run-falls away from it, but...it doesn’t. That’s weird. VIVID must be glitching.

It’s only then that he realizes he might not be the only one in this particular level right now. ]

[ B: REUNIONS ]

[ After logging out of VIVID, Dipper makes his way back to the apartment. It’s the obvious place to go, isn’t it? He definitely doesn’t want to go anywhere else. The thing is...he doesn’t really want to go there, either, and the thought of being isolated in his room once again makes his skin crawl with anxious dread. But he knows he can’t leave his roommates and friends hanging. Dipper can’t be sure who knows what happened to him, but he’s sure at least his close friends could probably guess if they weren’t outright told. They’re a sharp bunch.

He kind of wishes they weren’t so sharp right now.

Though he realizes with sharp responsibility that he can’t keep them in suspense forever, Dipper hesitates in front of the door, because he knows, he knows once he goes inside, the unavoidable things he’s been dreading will happen. He’ll have to own up to what happened. He’ll have to process the tidal wave of emotions he’s only just kept at bay with forced numbness. He’ll be reunited with his friends.

He’ll be reunited with the person who saw him die.

Swallowing against a dry throat, Dipper turns the handle on the front door and heads inside. ]

[ C: REPRIEVE ]

[ After talking to his roommates, there’s only so long that Dipper can stay in the apartment. There’s just too much of something he can’t name, and he has to leave.

Before he does that, he sends out a short message to Minato and Hiro. They knew what had happened to him, and they deserved to know he was back. There are probably others he should text, too, but sending messages to just the two of them already took more out of him than he wanted to admit.

And then, he leaves. Maybe it’s selfish - maybe he should stay where Yu and Rise could know he’s safe and well and alive, but he just can’t stay there anymore. He’s restless. So he heads out to take a walk.

He eventually makes his way to the gardens, hands shoved in his vest pockets and every so often, he turns quickly to glance over his shoulder. That’s strange, he could’ve sworn he saw someone watching him from the corner of his eye. He chalks it up to his nerves getting the better of him, but a nagging voice in the back of his head insists that there’s more to it than that.

The gardens aren’t really his typical go-to place to unwind, but at least they’re quiet and he doesn’t want much more than that at the moment. Eventually, he sits in front of one of the trees and leans back against it. It’s fine, for a moment, until something goes wrong and he falls backwards, right through the tree.

There is absolutely nothing to see here. There is definitely not a kid seemingly fused with the trunk of a tree. Move along. ]

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[It's exactly the same. For a long while he's silent and staring straight ahead, unsure of what to say or how to reassure him that it was the right thing. Of course it was the right thing. But at the same time...he doesn't want to think about Dipper on the other side of that door. He doesn't want to think about what his friend was thinking and feeling being left alone before his own death.

There's a shaky breath and he shakes his head a bit to clear out his thoughts before he mumbles more than anything.]

I think I can figure out the rest, dude. It's okay. ["You don't have to talk any more about it than you want to."] That...was a really brave thing.

[ He hadn't done it to be brave. It just all happened so fast.

Dipper is silently grateful that Hiro spares him the necessity of going into too much detail on what happened next. He'd fallen - that was the long and the short of it. Hiro doesn't need to know about the impossible fear that had burned through Dipper's mind as the inevitability of his fate really hit him. Hiro didn't need to know how Dipper's hand had slipped from Yu's. Hiro didn't need to know about falling, about light receding and pain receding, about everything receding, all of himself, until there was nothing left.

...But that hadn't lasted long, either.

His hands wind around his arms. ] There's something else you need to know. After I...after it happened, I woke up in the Nexus Code.

[It's unfortunate that he can even imagine it and he rubs his hands over the back of his neck to try and distract himself. They don't say anything for a moment as they allow those implications to settle in, but when Dipper speaks up again Hiro's eyes fly open and he turns to stare at his friend.]

...wait what? What do you mean you woke up there?

[ Dipper doesn't glance up to meet his friend's stare, though he can feel it on him. ] I mean...I woke up there. I could get up and walk around and saw all the people hanging lifeless in the air.

I saw Mabel in there, but she couldn't hear me.

[ No one could. ]

Nobody ever said that the dead head for the Nexus, too, but I guess that makes sense. [That's really creepy though.] Can I ask what else you saw?

There's not much more to tell. I wasn't in there for long before...

[ He attempts a shrug, but mostly he just ends up sinking more into the couch. ]

I woke up in VIVID. Just like when I first got here.

Did you have to play through the whole game, or could you log out immediately this time like we usually can? [It's an important question, Dipper. After that? He'll have a lot to think and discuss.]

I had to finish the level and go through their whole Powerpoint presentation again. Like...they made a new copy of me, or something.

[ So, that's a nice thought. Sure, these weren't their original bodies to begin with, but it's still an unsettling thought. ]

But you still kept all of your memories from this place. So it's like...it's just like if you disappeared for three days and came back with a bunch of new knowledge from home. There's really no difference between an upgrade and a death then.

[And that's what's interesting.] What bothers me is that you could move around the Nexus in the first place. Before you got here? A lot of people were transported there, too. Athena got pictures and everything, but we still don't know how people get transported there.

[ He looks at Hiro directly then, surprise coloring his features. ]

Really? I hadn't heard about that. [ Somehow, it's a little reassuring that not only the dead from the ruined city had been in there. ] It's...a little weird to think about it being a tangible place, you know? I mean, even if it was obviously made of code, everyone still looked real. Like if you could just wake them up...

[ Be bites his lower lip, mind whirring. ] When Mabel disappeared, Mosley told me it was because something stopped working with her code. But in there, she looked completely normal. Just...dormant. It's like they lost connection with her consciousness or something.

Yeah, it was around the time I got here. Maybe a little after that. I can't believe I never told you that. [He shakes his head like he's a total idiot for forgetting that part.] That's how I saw that one of my friends is still inside. I didn't even know she'd been on this planet before.

We're always told that people get sent back to the Nexus when people disappear, but it makes me wonder if that's what they're doing. Reprogramming. Everybody's in like hypersleep to preserve their code but CERES is busy messing with it. That could explain why you, me, Ruby and Tadashi have been here before but don't remember any of it. Like they don't want old memories overriding our new actions out here.

I want to find it. I bet if I could get inside and hook up, maybe I could figure out how the whole thing works.

You mean, hack it from the inside out? [ Sounds risky, but what did they do that wasn't?

Still, Dipper's reluctant to encourage his friend. It's not that he doesn't think Hiro could do it, but...well, he did just get back from being dead. From seeing his sister and being unable to communicate with. Unable to bring her back with him. It reiterates just how important it is that they get them out of there, but at the same time -

- in the darkness, the air is rushing through his hair and -

There's so much at stake. ]

Yeah. [He's aware it sounds crazy, judging by how his tone's still calm and even. He take a deep breath to think of how to proceed with his line of rationality.] If I could see what I'm directly working with it'll be a lot easier. It's like working with CSS or any other stylized code. It's a lot easier to see it and weave in and out of the actual container than just slap stuff together and hope it works.

...Yu already told me trying to bring Tadashi back was a big thing. I know this is risky but Dipper think about it. Think about everything we've already accomplished without getting caught yet. It's like they're begging for me to test this.

[ As Hiro explains himself, Dipper's hands ball at his sides and start to tighten. The thing is, he can see where Hiro is coming from. On every project Hiro has set out to complete so far, he's been successful. Dipper has seen firsthand the feats his friend has been able to accomplish. Hiro knows much more about this kind of thing than Dipper does, and he understands there are risks involved. So Hiro reassures him.

But...did he, really?

When he finally speaks, his voice is low and resolute. ]

That's not an invitation, Hiro. That should be a warning.

[ They'd already accomplished so much - it's true. But what happens with the other shoe falls?

What happens when Hiro...winds up like him? ]

Look. I trust you. I know if you say you can do it, then you can. I don't underestimate you, but I think you underestimate them. This. Everything. [ He looks up, sharp and desperate, his voice rising. ] You think you have all the answers, but this world is out of your control. It's out of all of our control. What if CERES intervenes? What if they decide to wipe the code once it's been tampered with? What if they capture you? What if you end up like Korra and Yosuke?

[ There's so much. So much if, and it's swimming, sinking, swimming in his head. ]

[He looks up, sharply and defensively and already on guard when he realizes where Dipper's going with this. He can't exactly blame his friend for feeling this way. Not after everything that's happened. Not after what just happened to Dipper.

And yet at the same time part of him believes that if they had just been one step ahead and he'd pushed harder for answers maybe this wouldn't have happened at all. Maybe they could have figured out how to stop the monsters faster, get back to the city sooner, learn more about the labyrinth quicker. His eyes are narrowed questioningly like he doesn't quite want to say yes.]

I'm not underestimating anybody. [He is. He knows he is, and it's the way that Dipper says it that really needles at him and eats away at him every single passing second. 'This world is out of your control.'

It's not that Hiro Hamada is a control freak. But Hiro is a scientist and Hiro is used to manipulating laws to obey his every command and Hiro is well-versed in the art of keeping experiments under control.] And I'm not going to end up like Korra and Yosuke because I don't have any sort of magic energy, all right? I'm not going to just let everybody's deaths mean nothing. What do you want me to do, just sit and wait for them to make their intentions clear? Dipper, I can't. I can't do that again. [A hand comes up to scrub harshly over his face.] There has to be something else I can do until then though. Why else would I be here still?

[There's another pause.] ...what are you saying anyway? You really think CERES knows everything I've been doing?

[ What does he want Hiro to do? He doesn't know. Does he want him to sit around and do nothing? Of course not. There has to be something else, another way, a guarantee...

But there are no guarantees here. There's no reassurance of anything.

Why else would I be here still? ]

Think about it. How else could you have gotten away with everything you have? I don't think it's just dumb luck or CERES not paying close enough attention. Think about everything you've been involved in. Everything you've figured out.

[ He leans forward, voice pitching. ] What if they're waiting for you? They know this is the perfect trap for you. They know you can't give up on it. They're listening right now! They know how important it is to you, and they'll use that against you. They'll capture you and use everything you know about all of us -

[ He sucks in a sharp breath, looking down again. When did he start shaking? ]

They'll kill you. [ His voice is barely more than a whisper now. ] You can't do that to us, Hiro. Not to Tadashi, to Ruby, to Yu... [ He chokes back a gasp that sounds an awful lot like a sob. ] ...to me.

[ Please...please. He's had enough of death. ]

Edited 2016-03-12 03:47 (UTC)

[Oh no. Ohhh no, the sobbing is what does it and he looks completely blindsided before he swivels in his seat, grabbing Dipper by the shoulders to force the other boy to look at him. This isn't what he had expected.

Then again, he never expected Dipper to die either.]

Hey. Listen to me. Nobody else is going to die, okay? I'm not going to let them kill me. [Dipper's not wrong though. They know this is the perfect trap. But...what are they really waiting for? They can't possibly think that he'll let them get away with something like this. Or that he'd willingly give up information about his friends.]

If they're really waiting for me, they'll have to do better than this. I'm not going to let anything happen to any of us anymore. I promise. You've gotta trust me, I'm going to fix things and make this work. [He's not thinking of the consequences for himself here and later when he thinks about this conversation again he'll realize the problem with that.]

I'll be careful. You don't have to worry about me, okay? It's going to be fine. [A pause.] I promise I'll be more discreet about stuff, too. They can't do anything if there isn't a solid trail.

[ Dipper sucks in a sharp breath when Hiro grabs his shoulders and forces him to look at him. Some distant thought of dude don't cry in front of your best friend echoes through his mind just enough that he keeps it together. There's the ghost of it there, though, in his eyes, the raw ache in his chest. He searches Hiro's face as he attempts to reassure him.

Nobody's going to die.

He's not going to let them kill him.

He's not going to let anything happen to any of them anymore.

I promise.

The words tumble out of his mouth, barely audible. ]

...You don't get it.

[ And how could he? Hiro hadn't died. He'd had too many people around him die, too many people he couldn't protect, and how else was he supposed to respond than with a renewed effort to make things right in the best way he knew how? And Dipper know, he knows, that if he hadn't just died himself, he would be all for this plan. He would been talking logistics right now instead of barely holding himself together like damaged glass.

But, things change.

The fire in his stomach goes out as his gaze drops, crestfallen. It's not personal. But Dipper has always excelled at doubting, and now, at his most vulnerable, it's all he has to fall back on. ]

...Forget it. I didn't mean that.

[ Except he did, but he doesn't want to fight about it. Not now.

He just wants to withdraw. ]

...dude that's not exactly something I can forget. [No matter how much he wants to. No matter how much he wants to forget and charge ahead and fight and fix and manipulate the world around him to better it for himself and for his friends. This isn't the time for that though. This is the time to try and assure Dipper that nothing else can happen and that they'll all stay out of the line of fire.

And yet...

'I'm sorry for lying to you.']

...I'll lay low for a while, okay? I'm sorry. I know you're right. [He musters up what he hopes is another assuring grin.] Guess this is why you're the brains of this whole operation, huh?

No - it's okay. I get it. [ Or, at least, the rational part of his brain does. The part he can't quite wholly listen to right now.

Was this how it was going to be from now on? Was he just going to be afraid of - well, everything?

Yet Dipper musters up a half-smile of his own. It's insincere, and he hates wearing it for one of the people he trusts the most. But the alternative won't work, either. This is his problem. His thing he need to figure out. He can't just spend the rest of his time trying to discourage his friend from trying to do anything that might help them go home.

Home. ]

Heh - brains? I think you mean the muscle.

[ It's funny. We've having fun. Everything will be fine. ]

[He still doesn't believe him, but this conversation is absolutely skewing how to handle things now until Dipper heals enough. He can't expect his friend to bounce back quickly and it's unfair to drag him into things that are conflicting with his own thoughts and needs. Right now Dipper needs to rest and heal...not...think about stupid things like this, dangerous plans that could get them killed again.

So no. He doesn't believe him at all and he quietly hopes this won't ruin what they have already. Losing a friend like Dipper would, surprisingly, be pretty crushing.]

Oh yeah. How could I forget? [He rolls his eyes playfully, gently nudging him with his elbow and wincing slightly at the way his wound shifts when he moves.] Speaking of muscles...feel like testing out your thumbs? I hooked up one of the game systems out here if you feel like hanging out for a bit.

["If you don't feel like going home yet. If you need time to unscramble your thoughts. If you need time not to think."]

[ He hesitates a moment, a distant look in his eyes as he considers that offer. Hiro isn't wrong. He needs time not to think. And just wandering around outside doesn't sound too appealing at the moment, either.

Just for awhile. ]

Yeah, sure. You're on.

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and when we burst, start over [ OPEN ]

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