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Who: Roxas & Mary
When: Backdated 84 years to right after his chat with Riku
Where: The Usual Spot aka some unused restaurant space in a skyscraper
What: Kingdom Hearts is a really dumb canon with really dumb rules and Roxas has to deal with the convolution Tetsuya Nomura has wrought on him.
Rating/Warning: None

[he didn't come back home after he left riku's apartment.

he didn't even leave riku's place the way he should have; he more or less ran away using a corridor and came directly to the usual spot. no ice cream, no... well, no anything. roxas has just been sitting in his normal spot for a few hours with his knees pulled to his chest, staring out blankly at cerealia's cityscape. he's heard and felt his cerevice go off more than once, but he hasn't taken it from the pocket of his coat to check, either.

he knows he's probably causing someone worry—and by someone, he knows it's mary. nobody else would be looking for him to be so persistent, but his head is too clouded with trying to sort out what he thinks and feels to even bother.

he has a heart. all this time, he's had a heart. which means what he told mary wasn't true, and so many things he thought he'd never be able to understand may be possible. but then, what else does that mean for him? or for someone like xion? the rest of the organization, and naminé? and what about his keyblades? he has so many questions and no answers. riku could probably answer some of them, but he's not ready.

roxas isn't ready for anything, which is why he's just sitting there like a lunk instead of going home. smart. excellent. today is going well (no it isn't).]

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[ Mary hadn't worried at first. It hadn't been anything to worry about, Roxas not being home yet. He had other friends, other things to do, and Mary could very easily lose herself in a book for a while.

But then more time passes, and the worry begins. Just a tendril, at first, so she'll send him a text to check where he is and if he's okay.

And when he doesn't reply, another text, twenty minutes later.

Two hours later, she's texted five more times, called three times and left messages, and Mary finally leaves the apartment to begin searching for him in earnest-- because this isn't like him. If Roxas hasn't come back and hasn't responded at all, something's very wrong and she can't wait around for him to return on his own.

So, she runs. Her stamina hasn't improved enough to be anything helpful, and she does have to pause a good few times to at least suck in a gasp of air before she's running again. There's no guarantee that he'll be where she thinks he is-- but she hopes, desperately, that he is.

Waiting for an elevator will also take too long, so Mary (bold and intrepid soul that she is) takes the stairs as quickly and as recklessly as possible, and she most certainly trips going up a few, but... well, no one will see it. She's even calling out before she even clears the last five stairs-- ]

Roxas?!

Edited 2016-04-15 02:37 (UTC)

[oh.

somewhere between when he sat down in that spot and when mary called his name—a lot of hours had passed. a lot more than he even realized, because he was so busy thinking that nothing else seemed to matter. even knowing he got a lot of calls and messages didn't seem to register as being important.

and he definitely didn't expect that anyone would show up in their spot, even if it makes nothing but perfect sense that mary would come here looking for him if he didn't come home. he also didn't really consider the fact that she would put her well-being at risk by running so recklessly. but her voice is enough to snap him to attention, and for the first time since he sat down, he lifts his head and turns to look at the entrance to the room.]

—Mary? [he says, quietly. while he would normally be running to her aid, he can't bring himself to move, either.

(partially because of his mental state and partially because his knees would probably give out on him after sitting this way for so long.)

maybe it doesn't matter much, though because the expression on his face—while surprised at her presence, is still filled with hurt and confusion. his eyes are red-rimmed and he's looking generally disastrous. they both are this point, but for roxas, something feels broken in a way, because he has no idea how to make heads or tails of what happened.

and on top of all that—did she really come all that way for him, despite everything? it doesn't exactly make him feel any better for her to be in that state. she didn't even wait for the elevator...]

[ Of course she didn't wait for the elevator, the elevator was no match for her clearly superior legs (no, the elevator would have been a better idea. Most of Mary is just very relieved that her hunch was right, because sure enough, there's Roxas, and he's not lying bleeding on the floor here or elsewhere, so that takes care of one concern.

But then there's more blossoming beautifully, because why does he look so upset? Why does he look like he was crying? And why was he here all alone? There are a lot of questions here and Mary's not sure she can ask any of them-- for starters, because it's probably personal, and also because she's doubled over, one hand on the railing as she struggles to catch her breath.

Yeah, running? She's still terrible at that. ]

You... you're...

[ She tries for a deeper breath. ]

Something... happened, right...? You didn't... come home...

[for a while, roxas is silent. maybe it is partially some kind of consideration so she can catch her breath, since he normally would be a lot more panicked over it if he were in a right state of mind.

but mostly, his head is still just so clouded that it's hard for him to formulate the words for a response. he's upset, without a doubt, but he has a lot to be angry for—even if a lot of that anger hasn't completely set in yet, it's bubbling along with everything else. he still has a headache; maybe it's worse from how long he's spent thinking about it all.

—how is he supposed to explain this to her? he can't not tell her; mary is his friend, and she's the only person in cerealia aside from riku who has ever known that he didn't have a heart.

except that's a lie now.

he's not worried about mary being mad about it; he knows she wouldn't. he never intentionally lied to her, but he still hurt her in having to reveal something so truly screwed up, only to be told now with absolute certainty that everything he was lead to believe had been a lie. it's just hard. all of this is really hard for him.]

Yeah. [he'll finally say to break the silence, and when he does, he shifts back to the position he'd been in for the while before mary arrived, his is chin resting against his needs.]

Something happened.

[ The first question is, instinctively, what-- but nothing good has ever come out of trying to pry answers out of someone and Mary herself tended to draw back when people tried that with her. Roxas had always told her things when he was ready to talk about them, anyway, and looking at him now... she can't say that he'll even want to. He looks like he's trying to protect himself from... something.

So then the second question is can I stay? But Mary doesn't voice this one, either. Because this, she'll be stubborn on. Roxas may want to be alone, and if he doesn't want to talk about it, he doesn't have to. But she won't go back until she knows he'll be okay.

So it's a few silent steps closer until she's seating herself beside him, tucking her skirt under her thighs. ]

[even if he doesn't move at all—he definitely feels a little more at ease with mary there. she's been the most stable thing in his life since he got to cerealia; she's always there when he needs her, she never tries to force anything from him, and most of all... she always supports him and encourages him.

even when he told her what truth he believed in, she insisted that regardless, he was important and meant to exist; she said things that nobody else had ever dared to say or even imply until today. these were truths that were never influenced by something as abstract as hearts, or the keyblade, or some duty to either of those things. it had always simply just been mary being mary... so here and now, sitting next to him so quietly like always and it feels.. just like what he needs.

the silence is long and heavy, but he knows that he can't just hold this in. roxas isn't really that good at bottling his feelings anyway, and... it's something mary should know. though he probably should talk to naminé first as a fellow nobody, mary is the person he knows well. mary is the person he trusts. mary is someone who deserves to know, because she had learned so many things about him anyway.

maybe it'll be easier to tell her than naminé. or maybe naminé already knows? that part isn't important right now, though.

first comes trying to get out the words that need to be said here and now.]

I talked to Riku today. [which probably is a red flag in itself, given their last encounter.] ...About me.

To Riku? [ She didn't mean to sound so surprised, but... considering, the last time she'd been in the same space with the both of them, Keyblades had been involved. Her own fault, really, but it hadn't been hard to tell that Roxas and Riku didn't really get along, even if she hadn't been involved. There was a story there, one she didn't know. Especially if Riku had something to do with Roxas as a whole. He'd known something, then?

It's a hard situation right now, because she's dying to ask about it, but as Roxas' friend, she knows better than to push. He's already started talking, after all, which means she doesn't necessarily have to prompt him to continue. But she wants to know... how mad is she going to have to be at Riku? Whatever he'd told Roxas, it's something that clearly has him upset, and she doesn't like that.

Still, Mary can't reach a conclusion just yet, so she just focuses on his face and waits. Long and heavy silences may be uncomfortable, but Roxas needs this. If nothing else, she knows that much. ]

Yeah.

[that response doesn't take him very long, but maybe that's because this part is the easier part of what's to come.

not that it's easy, but it's not something he has to slowly contemplate. this is something roxas has known for a long time, and he hadn't really had any qualms mentioning it before—he just didn't because things were complicated. it never seemed worth talking about, especially because it's always so hard for him to have a decent conversation with riku.

they do happen, though they're few and far between... and will probably be even further between for a while. remembering what he said and how long it took for him to say it strikes up that feeling of unease again though. it's probably obvious from the very slight way roxas shifts, too. his shoulders tense, his hands clench into fists, and his jaw tightens.

he so mad about that part, but he's not just angry, and that's part of what complicates things.]

He knows things about me... Things I didn't know about myself.

[ That... never ends well. Or at least, Mary thinks if someone did know something about her that she didn't know, she'd automatically be put on her guard. Because... why would they?

There's finally a safe question to ask, though, once she's turned it over multiple times in her head first. Not what those things were-- again, because that was something Roxas didn't have to talk about, or could explain at his own pace. Not why Riku knew things about Roxas that Roxas himself didn't.

... No, what gets her is... ]

Has he known... all this time? And he only told you today?

[ Isn't that... really unfair? ]

[it's unfair. it's increfibly unfair in just about every way, and roxas hadn't made it a secret just how unhappy he was with riku. well, for the most part. there's no doubt that he'd expressed it to riku too.

what riku done was messed up, withholding information that important about him for months and holding it over roxas' head like he had to prove himselfi n order to earn something that was so critical to his entire (non)existence.]

Yeah. That jerk... he waited until now.. to tell me something he's known since before he even got here. [his voice quivers when he says that, though it's hard to tell if it's from his anger towards riku for that or just how totally upset he is over it.]

[ Why not both, both is good--

Mary keeps a quiet gaze on him, before she reaches out-- just to hook her fingers into his sleeve. It's nothing very big or comforting, but she doesn't just want to sit there and not let him know that she's here for him. So here she is, silently clutching his sleeve in a show of solidarity and also because she's incredibly worried about him.

... Then again, who wouldn't be? Roxas doesn't get upset like this very often, and when it happens, there's usually a good reason for it. ]

[there is a good reason for it, and he'll get to explaining it soon enough. it's another instance of letting the silence hang in the air while he tries to figure out where to start.

because obviously "oh, by the way, i have a heart" isn't the way to go here at all.

where does he start? what is the first thing he should actually tell her?]

I... [he hesitates, unsure. and rather than blurt anything out like he almost does, roxas uses that pause to backpedal a little.] I think you should know... what happened.

[he trusts her. he wants to tell her, no matter how hard it is. she's always been there for him since they met, and... maybe somehow, she'll be able to find a way to ease his mind.]

[ She'd like to find a way to ease his mind, but Mary isn't like the other members of her group. She's not as resourceful as Kido and Mary, and she's not as clever as Kano, or as overwhelmingly compassionate as Seto. Seto, who always knew the exact words to make someone feel better-- he'd probably do better at a time like this.

But Seto isn't here. The person beside Roxas is Mary, and even though she doesn't have the faintest clue on how to help (and also doesn't know what happened yet)... she'll do her best.

So she nods, firmly. If it's his choice... ]

Okay. I'll listen.

[he sucks in a quiet breath, pausing to give her an appreciative look. even if his expression is still filled to the brim with all those other feelings... he appreciates that she'll listen.

it's not that roxas really doubted that, not at this point. he hadn't avoided her because he didn't think she would listen or understand. he just came to clear his head and didn't find any way to do just that. but having her here, having mary beside him like she has been when he neededit before (and vice versa, really, though that isn't coming to his head at a time like this).]

Most of what they told me before... it was a lie. What they told me... what they told the whole Organization—Axel and Xion too...

What we were doing it, why we were doing it, even... what we were. They were lies. [maybe not all of it. but the fact of the matter was xemnas... or xehanort(? he's still not sure about all that nort business) told them all so many things to keep them compliant. so many things that... they were too important to have withheld from him for so long.]

[ It's Mary's turn to suck in a quiet breath. She may not know everything 'they' had told Roxas, or his friends, especially not when it comes to what they were actually doing and why, but-- she knows what he had told her.

He had called himself a Nobody. Somebody without a heart, what remained of a person who had lost their heart. If that's a lie...

If that's-- ]

But... why would they lie to you?

[ And about something like that, something that had hurt him, that he'd had to struggle with telling her? ]

I dunno... for their own plans. To use us for something else.... to make us something else.

[the worst part is that some of the things mary questions aren't even the lies. but roxas still isn't even sure how to say all of that.]

I still don't really know that much about it. Not that part... [not that riku wouldn't tell him, but roxas just wasn't ready to hear all of it. he knows he still has so much more to tell mary, too, but...]

I don't know what to think anymore. [about who is lying and who is telling the truth... or who and what he really is. who is he?]

I... don't know if you have to think a certain way, especially if there's a lot you still might not know.

[ Mary pauses, drawing herself into a pensive silence. She has yet to release his sleeve from her grip, and she takes a moment to release a soft breath. ]

But... after you tell me what you need to, I can tell you what I think? Or-- [ She wrinkles her nose a bit, because-- ] I can try. I don't know if that'll help you at all, but I also don't know that it won't.

[ She wants to help him, as much as she can-- that much is apparent. ]

Yeah...

[he's not going to refuse her input. even if it doesn't help at all, he still wants to hear what she has to say.

but first, it means he has to actually tell her what's going on. there's a lot to it, so he's just going to start slow and try to keep his temper in check (a difficult task, when every time he thinks of xemnas and saïx and the lies he'd been fed to keep him complacent, he gets angry.

getting roxas to talk is a slow process for sure, since he still can't seem to get used to the idea of actually having someone to tell his thoughts.]

The Organization... they told me that we were trying to complete something called Kingdom Hearts... so that we could get our hearts back and be whole again. [he realizes that some of what he says may be repeated from when he first told her about himself, but his head is still jumbled enough that it's easier for him to just repeat things.]

And that I was the key... because I could use the Keyblade. They never said anything else... I worked a lot, doing missions every day to collect hearts from the Heartless. I wanted to know what it was like to have a heart.

...Everyone did. Everyone wanted what they lost... But...

[this is where things get complicated, so he pauses to try and figure out what to say next.]

[ Kingdom Hearts... Mary's not sure exactly what that is, but from the way Roxas talks about it, maybe he also doesn't know what that entails. It's just something that can give Nobodies their hearts back? Is that it?

... Well, in the scheme of things, it's probably not that important to dwell on. Roxas had worked hard.. fought hard? But...

There's always a "but", and this time, she knows it's a rather large one. Because he'd been lied to, and she's beginning to suspect, but... still, Mary waits. It's hard enough for Roxas to talk about, probably, without her interrupting. ]

[it's not like roxas could really even explain kingdom hearts if he wanted to, since he still doesn't have much of an understanding of it either. especially when he now has the issue of not really knowing what was a lie and what was the truth.

or who even knew what. the organization couldn't be trusted, but riku's implications seemed to be that not everyone in the organization really knew the truth, so as much as the others kept him in the dark often... he wasn't the only one being duped by this situation.]

That wasn't what the Organization was really about. Xemnas... he lied to us. [about a lot of things, but he starts with the simple part.] He said it so we'd listen, so... he could make us vessels for him.

[for his heart? roxas still isn't really sure about that part. he still isn't sure about this xehanort business, or how xemnas is connected to it. but apparently he had a heart and wanted to put it in all of them for some reason it's clear roxas doesn't really understand the whole of what he's telling her.]

We were just... pawns... [they were being used, and that's still not even all he has to tell her, even if it seems like that's probably bad enough to warrant this sort of state from him. he can't help but clench his hands into fists again when he thinks about it, though.

he was already so fed up with the organization's bullshit, and then this just comes along to prove that he was right to walk away from it when he did. or maybe that he should have sooner, like xion tried to do.]

H-huh?? Vessels?? [ Mary likes to think she'd been following along rather well, and you know, understanding, but then he says that and she's left floundering for comprehension. She knows what vessels are. She herself is a vessel, of sorts, although that's not something she's realized yet.

And she knows what pawns are, and thinking of Roxas as either of those terms is... alarming. He also doesn't really seem like he'll be able to explain that all completely, but he's said enough that Mary's torn between distress and anger. Xion and his other best friend... didn't deserve any of that. The other members... probably didn't deserve it, either. Roxas definitely didn't. ]

That's... unforgivable...

[ Calm down, Mary. ]

[well, if nothing else? her reaction just further justifies his own feelings on the matter. it's not forgivable; it's downright disgusting how much they had been manipulated for someone else's machinations.

it's especially worse for him when he hardly knew what was the truth and what wasn't. maybe he knows these facts now because for all that riku aggravates him, he knows that riku wouldn't lie about this. but within the organization, how many lies had he been told that riku wouldn't be able to dispel? how many lies had been told unknowingly because of what xemnas fed them?

how many had been told knowingly?

he doesn't know.

but maybe he shouldn't let that distract him or get caught in his thoughts again over that. not when he still needs to tell mary the most important part.

(this is definitely information overload.)]

That's not all... There's more he told me... about Nobodies.

[ There's... more...

Which, in a sense, is good for curbing Mary's temper, because it means she won't immediately get incredibly furious until she's heard him out. Even if what he's told her is aggravating and she really just wants to find... Whoever-this-person-was and get him to take back every single bad thing he'd ever done to her friend.

It's a stupid thought, maybe, but still.

Mary sucks in another breath, though, holds it-- and releases it, because yes, she needs to focus on the rest of this. ]

... Okay.

[ He can continue when he's ready. ]

[this part is the hard part.

well, all of it has been hard, but this is the part that's struck the deepest chord with him. it's what is really changing the game and forcing him to completely reassess everything he's really ever known.

he feels so vulnerable, and maybe that vulnerability comes from the knowing that what he feels is his. these feelings are really is, because he has a way to feel them, but now he has to try and convey that to mary. and no matter what, he doesn't see there being a good or easy way to do this.]

You remember what I told you before about Nobodies, right? [about what it means, and how they end up that way. roxas figures she wouldn't forget, but he has to ask anyway.]

[ There's a bit of hesitation, but only because Mary is trying to make sure she does remember all of that. After a minute, she holds up one finger of her free hand. ]

They're... what happens when somebody loses their heart. And they can remember what it was like to have one, mostly. [ Except Roxas. ] But they don't have one, so they can't actually feel things? Even though I don't feel like that's right with you.

[ That's the gist of it, right? But she really doesn't agree with that, because Roxas... definitely felt things, she's sure of that much. ]

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