You know what everyone needs after rampant robotic attacks and another iteration of clone wars? A vacation! That’s right everyone, you deserve this. CERES understands what you need. CERES is here for you all the time, so never doubt that this is a pleasure colony, and they are here to look after all of your needs. Kick your feet up, relax, and let CERES Recreation and Activity Necessity Keepers (Team RANK, that is) set you up with your ideal getaway.
It’s as if you can sense the incoming relaxation and luxury before you even completely finish loading. There’s the warmth encompassing your entire body as your code gets transferred into this particular ViViD Level. A cool, refreshing breeze hits you. The sounds of waves gently lapping against the coast fill you with relaxation. The sun, the sand, the surfs, it’s all there – welcome to the beach, baby!
An echoing greeting message from the ocean comes next, if you can translate it.
 OOOOOOOOOOOOHMAHH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHD.
YOOOOOOOOOOOORRRALL SOOOOOOOOOOOOO KYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.
KYOOOOOOOOOOOT EEEENAAAAUUUUUUUF TOOOOOOOOOOOOO EEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.
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PHASE I [ 08 00 ] That said, isn’t that breeze a little… too strong? It feels like it’s brushing up against all of you, if you know what I mean. When you open your eyes and look down, it becomes rather clear why. It seems that you’ve found yourself in some pretty interesting attire. Everyone. No exceptions. You appear to have two options – be overcome and scream like the Victorian maiden your heart says you are, or strut like a model in this stuff. Turn some heads! Work that up do!
But don’t worry, we’re also conscious about safety here at CERES! Therefore everyone’s also been provided a pair of super high-tech safety-tested appendage protection floatation devices (STAPFD for short.)
At least everyone around you is caught in the same sort of attire – and everyone around you also appears to be stuck inside a giant sand castle. It’s entirely malleable to what you want it to be! Want to see a fancy sand bidet? Feel like adding a sand statue in your honor? Think that wall should now be a door? Well, with enough perseverance, you can make it happen!
Just uh, be careful about getting sand in your… everywhere.
PHASE II [ 1000 ] Someone broke it. Not pointing any fingers, even though you sure do seem like a prime suspect, but someone broke it.
It almost starts like an earthquake with how the castle starts to rumble, the sand shaking right beneath your feet. And then the walls right next to you start to cave in followed promptly by the ceiling right… above your head. Oh dear. The sand starts to run and fall, losing its structure and shape. The hallway behind you starts to cave in, ceiling first and then the walls follow suit. Now the sand really is getting everywhere – but not just uncomfortable places. It’s in your hair, your eyes, your nose…. this sure doesn’t seem like a pleasant way to go!
Best to start running – there’s a trusty drawbridge to get over the moat (because what’s a sandcastle without a moat?) but who knows how long until that, too, is going to give way? Best to cross over it before it starts to shake and disappear too. Or if you don’t make it, hopefully you can land some pretty impressive airtime to make it to the other side!
If not, well...there'll be the sensation of sand crushing down upon you, filling your mouth and eyes, and you won't be able to breathe at all – and then you're alive again on the beach (but possibly in yet another new, uncomfortable, skimpy swimsuit). Honestly, be more careful, would you?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] However, once you do make it to the other side, it’s all smooth sailing from there! Or is it? Hah, as they say, life sure can be a beach.
Which is what this is.
Welcome to your Beach Episode, folks. Now that you’ve made it out of the collapsing sand castle, you’ve made it to the luxurious, picturesque golden coastline. Sure, you’re coughing up fine, luxurious, sand dust right now and you’ve definitely gotten sand in all of your crevices thanks to your swimsuit, but that’s okay! Go take a soak in the ocean or something or cool off with a smoothie. There’s a smoothie shack off into the distance, complete with a long chalkboard with… well, probably a few familiar names? And some unfamiliar ingredients. Sounds appetizing right?
That said, once you do ingest some of the smoothie with the name of a newcomer, you might suddenly find yourself feeling a bit… different. You’ll be taking on some of their traits, one of the most intense parts of their personality – or you might need to take a second to sit down because you’re suddenly seeing one of their memories. Whoa. What do they actually put in this stuff?
PHASE IV [ 1500 ] For the brave souls that venture out into the water, you have even more adventures waiting for you. Anyone who’s swimming around, wading in the water—hell, even looking at the water is getting scooped up and deposited in one of these giant orbs. But don’t take up too much room, because someone else is getting shoved right in there with you. Time to get cozy with your new friend, because it's only going to get worse as the waves begin to carry you out into this big, blue, virtual ocean. Hopefully the choppy waves don’t bounce you around too much or – well, you could always get really friendly with a stranger! Why not?
At least until it’s made very clear that fresh air does not make it back into these balls. That seems like a bit of a design flaw. Now what? Fight the other person who’s inhaling all your air? Suffer through it for swimsuit-clad fun? Or if you break it…. well, you sure are stranded out in the ocean. Or are you?
After enough flailing, you’ll be met by a giant, dumb-looking creature who will then eat you whole.
Everything goes dark. This is surely the end --
And then you're in Cerealia proper; it seems that was the exit to the level (but why there?) and you'll find yourself either in one of the fountains or the pond in the park. Either way, you'll be very, very well. And this time, that's not virtual. But hey, at least you'll have all of your stuff with you.
BONUS [ xxxx ] Do you hear that?
Anyone idle on the beach will hear a distant melody coming from further out into the ocean. It’s a beautiful, elegant song that automatically makes the listener stop what they’re doing and immediately wander toward the noise. It takes you a moment to recall – it takes a moment to think about anything now, really – but you remember hearing the smoothie shack owner say something about mermaids populating the beach. Could this be their song calling out to you? Whether you would normally abide by this kind of call or not, you find your feet walking further and further out into the water, the shallows lapping up to your ankles and up and up as you are drawn in by the song.
A rather classic song, though the usual instances of French are also replaced with the very enticing, enchanting nonsense promise of omelette du fromage........and then they try to drown you.
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dave strider ( homestuck), ota
[ crises aside, and wardrobe issues momentarily brushed aside for the sake of faking a strong sense of confidence, Dave makes his way from sand disasters (havent we had enough of sand being fucking everywhere i swear to god first the desert now this i just want to never see sand again for the rest of my natural life and probably a few lifetimes after that jesus fucking christ) and off to the side to dust as much sand off of him as he can manage. he's already got a bit of a redness to his pale, freckly skin—far too pasty for a beach day without sunscreen, and he's going to burn like a bitch (again) before long, but oh well. he's blessed to come pre-equipped with awesome sunglasses, anyway. that's got to be a step up from some less fortunate folk.
once he's free of as much sand as he can get off of him he can manage in that hideous bikini (thankfully at least in his color), he makes his way over to the shack. a drink sounds great. and there's specials! the second his eyes light on his own name, he's momentarily taken aback—and then laughs, first quietly and then pretty hard. he's perfectly happy to offer his own two cents to order that first, too: ]
I'm actually starting to realize I might've been wrong about Dane Cook—the guy's a chucklefuck, to be sure, but he's so painfully sincere about his work and he can't help looking like a stoned douchebag, it's just the face he was born with, alright? Anyway, he did a bit about being internet bullied in one of his shows once—you know, the one after the one that anybody even laughed once at at all? Yeah, that one—and it was so pathetic and sad I'm thinking he's worth noticing just to give him something to be happy about. He's trying, okay, and that's gold star material even if it doesn't make said material any less shit. ...And, okay, I did laugh once at Good Luck Chuck, but that's only because the guy I was watching it with was so into it and while he was up to his ears in concern over whether this popped collar shit wearing asshat was going to get with Jessica Alba, I was busy looking up the Rotten Tomatoes rating on that movie and it was 5%, which is so terrible I can't even tell you. Like, to put it in perspective, The Room has a 35%. That's just... that's really bad, man. Anyway you have to admire a guy who hasn't just given the hell up after something like that.
[ and that's his two cents. needless to say, he gets the drink handed to him (a bit hastily, as if the guy making them can't wait for him to stop talking—because he can't, as I'm sure anyone standing behind Dave in line waiting for a drink can't). he steps away from the counter and takes a sip. ]
Hahaha, oh my god, this is rank.
[ but he keeps sipping it with a faint grin while he stands slightly off to the side, scanning the board for any other names he recognizes. there are... pretty much none, but some of them are funny, and he can't hold back the occasional laugh. feel free to recommend him others. he's open to experimentation... and subsequent trauma. ]
( phase four )
[ Dave's not much of a swimmer, having not been around the ocean or water in general most of his life, but if anything, a swim sounds like a good idea just to rinse the sand off of him. and maybe also give him the chance to get less sunburned and hide this hideous swimsuit from further sight. what's the worst that could happen? he's stuck in a giant floaty, it's not like he'll drown.
except the second he makes contact with the water he has all of a split second to kick and flail in midair before he's trapped inside an aquatic hamster ball. he doesn't struggle once he's in it, perhaps smartly—he's too busy processing, pressed up against one end of it, a little sweltered by the heat and the sudden lack of fresh ocean air. but he isn't granted the mercy of fully grasping his situation before his new ball buddy is in there with him, and his gaze slowly shifts to regard his fellow captor, eyebrows raised up over his shades. ]
Sup?
( bonus! )
[ oh my god. this is the worst song. ever. Dave catches wind of it while he's trailing his way up the shore, looking for something like a sign pointing to "the fuck outta here" and turns his head to listen, realizes what it is, and immediately becomes disgruntled, pressing his hands over his ears. ]
At least sing something good!
[ but that... doesn't stop him from slowly, somewhat unwillingly, staggering his way toward the source of the sound. please god no someone save him. ]
bonus
Just where do you think you're going?
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I don't... I don't actually know.
[ at least he's honest. and... still slowly stumbling forward into the water, as it were. ]
They got... fromages over there? Or something?
[ trying to make sense of it. he doesn't even know what "a fromage" is. ]
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[ Inaba says that with the most honesty that she can muster in her flat tone. ]
I mean. If you're into that thing, then go right ahead. I won't kinkshame you.
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IV
Above all else, she stares at him for a moment and doesn't seem to mind that she's in a green monstrosity with a flotation device artfully looped around her chest. That's not the part she's questioning here.]
Hey. Aren't you worried about damaging your sunglasses? [They can process this weird situation together. This is also an important question.]
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[ he says it like they're people. a good buddy that has been with him through thick and thin. which, when you come down to it, his shades kind of really are. my best friend sunglasses.
he lifts a hand to nudge them up his nose a little, where they'd started to slide thanks to all the sudden, overwhelming humidity in this Torture Orb. ]
You think it's gonna be just us in here or are we expecting one more? We could probably fit one more. Not comfortably, but I'm almost completely positive by now that comfort is the opposite of what matters in this... game.
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So far it looks like it's two to a bubble. [And how does Rise know this? That's a secret.] But you're totally right about that. They like to make us as uncomfortable as possible in these games. [Give her a moment to try to tighten one of her twintails that's falling out of its hairband.] At least it isn't trash this time.
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phase four
[ Said buddy happens to be this young lady. She is currently occupying the other side of the small space without... actually occupying too much of it, because she is not very big to begin with and seems to be trying to keep all of her hinge joints as close to the center of her as possible. Her body language could most accurately be described by comparing it to that of a cat that's just been unexpectedly sprayed with water, minus the angry hissing and plus a healthy dose of genuine but low-key distress. ]
[ Really, she's just glad she made a point of acquiring a towel earlier, because this would be considerably more awkward if that weren't currently wrapped around her. (The white straps that are all that's showing of what's underneath have little tiny frills on the shoulders, but that is not to be confused with proof that it isn't an absolute monstrosity that should never see the light of day.) ]
... Us, I guess?
[ Since they. Appear to be floating on the water. ]
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he squares his shoulders and looks away, if only because if he doesn't see her then she clearly can't see him and neither of them have to start feeling weird. ]
Guess you got a point. This thing got an escape hatch?
[ glancing up. and then, after a moment, stretching his arms up to reach the top and feel around for something he could feasibly manipulate to let them out, without much luck. ]
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[ Anyway, she's just going to. Turn to face the direction opposite of the one that he looked away toward and see if there's an exit hidden anywhere in that particular wall, since reaching the top might be a bit much to ask of her. One arm stays wrapped around her towel to keep it in place, but the other stretches to see if that little seam in the material of the orb is any indication of an opening. ]
[ She learns two things. One: no. No it is not. Two: the balance of this prison is more precarious than expected. The whole thing shifts most concerningly as she accidentally adjusts her weight too far and then is surprised into attempting to adjust it back again. Welp, she's never moving again ever in her life. ]
-- Sorry. I-- don't see one.
[ Not that direction, anyway. Does she dare look the other way? (Haha, no.) ]
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iii
[ Man, screw the drinks, Jaune was into this guy's story about... some idiot fuck up who only means well despite the internet shitting on him. ]
Your friend Dane, did he... did he get together with this Jessica person? You lost me at tomatoes...
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Dude, yeah. It has a happy and... kinda gross ending. Dane Cook realizes he's a douchebag and tries to let Jessica Alba go, but in the end they end up together and get married with a bunch of penguins or whatever. I don't know how anybody can thumbs down an ending that beautiful.
[ spoken as flat as paper. ]
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They got married?! W-Wow! See, I knew there's a one for everyone out there! Sometimes you just... gotta let go, instead of worrying about not having things. That's when you'll find it the most!
Man, what a cool guy...
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three
Um. Nice swimsuit.
( She isn't going to bother asking him to explain what he was going on about. )
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Dave jumps a little at the voice behind him, sloshing some of his drink onto the ground in front of him, and turns in as smooth a motion as he can manage. just pretend the color in his face is from the sunburn he's developing. ]
Uh, thanks. Yours too. [ he says but only barely glances at it. he's trying to point his eyes anywhere but at Soleil. ] I'm rocking the latest in ironic bullshit fashion. There just wasn't anyone hot to trot enough for it on this whole damn beach so there really wasn't any choice but to have me model it. Sales are gonna skyrocket, I just know it. I'm really feelin' it.
[ he really is not feelin' it. but he's a good pretender. ]
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iii
[ Said with a smile in Dave's direction. It's not a mean or judgmental one by any means; more just slightly amused.
He's ignoring the suit Dave's wearing. Mostly because his own is pretty bad, and he can't judge anyone right now. But at least they share the plan of just owning what they're wearing by projecting confidence.
He hasn't got a smoothie at the moment, instead just kind of considering the board. ]
Think I should try one?
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he shrugs as casually as can be, swirling around the abomination in his own cup. ]
I'm pretty much obligated to say yes even though this tastes like complete ass. It's the novelty of it, the kind of shit you write home about. Dude—there's a drink named after me. And it costs opinions. How is that not worth every ball-shrinkling cringey sip of this thing, I ask you.
[ but he stops to give the board another look, too. ]
Most of the ones that actually sound like they'd taste good have prices nobody should have to pay though.
four
[Said with a tight, pinched and definitely displeased voice, though there's also a forcible grin on Naoki's face like he's trying not to show the sheer I don't want to be here to someone in the same situation.
He's pushing himself back as much as he can against the bubble and-- yeah that horn on the back of his neck is not helping with him trying to put distance. It's not so sharp as to pop the bubble either. Damn.]
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This thing ain't sturdy. You think if we horse around in it enough it'll just pop?
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four!
when dave plops into the ball with her, she just lifts a wave in greeting and drops back to lean against the wall of the ball. ]
I suppose now something exciting could actually happen.
[ and yet the ball just closes and leaves them there... sitting. this is an incredible adventure. ]
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when Hawke leans, the bubble shifts ever so slightly with the change in weight, an object not at all opposed to just flipping them over indiscriminately if it chooses. Dave hastens to follow her lead and leans against his own side, pushing back to keep from being rolled forward. ]
Yeah, what gives? They could at least pop a game of Parcheesi in here. Unless they expect us to, I dunno, do peer review or battle to the death or something, but I'm strictly vetoing both so if that's the case, you win by default, congrats.
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four
[if only the ball were made out of glass, the high pitched screech that ensues is liable to have freed them in an instant]
This is illegal in fifty states and almost every country in the world! Where is the paperwork to sue for attempted crimes against a minor?!
And don't touch me, either, gross. Stay on your side of the ball!
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and for her benefit, he turns his head as far to the side as it'll go. ]
I'm not looking, do you have to scream?! Where's the paperwork for assault on my fucking ears?? I'm trapped in here too in case you didn't notice.
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phase four
Granted, Shinpachi is an overly friendly person, so he has zero problems with greeting strangers like that most of the time.. but this isn't exactly a "most of the time" kind of scenario, now is it? He's a little too concerned with their current predicament (the first rule of this place is never trust anything in this place, let alone big water hamster balls) to be as casual in return.
But at least Shinpachi is unconcerned about their swimsuits, so.. there's that? One good thing about this predicament? Who even knows. ]
Can't believe I'm about to say this, but.. how 'bout we delay the introductions until we've figured out what's going on?
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Fair enough, but it's kinda obvious. We're stuck in water hamster balls and we either gotta do the teamwork thing or the one of us has gotta die thing, then we bust out on the shore and collect the prize. Doesn't really matter to me which, just depends on if you wanna share whatever we win, but uh... I'm thinking we'll get there a lot faster if one of us doesn't have to move this thing with a dead body in it.
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