You know what everyone needs after rampant robotic attacks and another iteration of clone wars? A vacation! That’s right everyone, you deserve this. CERES understands what you need. CERES is here for you all the time, so never doubt that this is a pleasure colony, and they are here to look after all of your needs. Kick your feet up, relax, and let CERES Recreation and Activity Necessity Keepers (Team RANK, that is) set you up with your ideal getaway.
It’s as if you can sense the incoming relaxation and luxury before you even completely finish loading. There’s the warmth encompassing your entire body as your code gets transferred into this particular ViViD Level. A cool, refreshing breeze hits you. The sounds of waves gently lapping against the coast fill you with relaxation. The sun, the sand, the surfs, it’s all there – welcome to the beach, baby!
An echoing greeting message from the ocean comes next, if you can translate it.
 OOOOOOOOOOOOHMAHH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHD.
YOOOOOOOOOOOORRRALL SOOOOOOOOOOOOO KYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.
KYOOOOOOOOOOOT EEEENAAAAUUUUUUUF TOOOOOOOOOOOOO EEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.
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PHASE I [ 08 00 ] That said, isn’t that breeze a little… too strong? It feels like it’s brushing up against all of you, if you know what I mean. When you open your eyes and look down, it becomes rather clear why. It seems that you’ve found yourself in some pretty interesting attire. Everyone. No exceptions. You appear to have two options – be overcome and scream like the Victorian maiden your heart says you are, or strut like a model in this stuff. Turn some heads! Work that up do!
But don’t worry, we’re also conscious about safety here at CERES! Therefore everyone’s also been provided a pair of super high-tech safety-tested appendage protection floatation devices (STAPFD for short.)
At least everyone around you is caught in the same sort of attire – and everyone around you also appears to be stuck inside a giant sand castle. It’s entirely malleable to what you want it to be! Want to see a fancy sand bidet? Feel like adding a sand statue in your honor? Think that wall should now be a door? Well, with enough perseverance, you can make it happen!
Just uh, be careful about getting sand in your… everywhere.
PHASE II [ 1000 ] Someone broke it. Not pointing any fingers, even though you sure do seem like a prime suspect, but someone broke it.
It almost starts like an earthquake with how the castle starts to rumble, the sand shaking right beneath your feet. And then the walls right next to you start to cave in followed promptly by the ceiling right… above your head. Oh dear. The sand starts to run and fall, losing its structure and shape. The hallway behind you starts to cave in, ceiling first and then the walls follow suit. Now the sand really is getting everywhere – but not just uncomfortable places. It’s in your hair, your eyes, your nose…. this sure doesn’t seem like a pleasant way to go!
Best to start running – there’s a trusty drawbridge to get over the moat (because what’s a sandcastle without a moat?) but who knows how long until that, too, is going to give way? Best to cross over it before it starts to shake and disappear too. Or if you don’t make it, hopefully you can land some pretty impressive airtime to make it to the other side!
If not, well...there'll be the sensation of sand crushing down upon you, filling your mouth and eyes, and you won't be able to breathe at all – and then you're alive again on the beach (but possibly in yet another new, uncomfortable, skimpy swimsuit). Honestly, be more careful, would you?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] However, once you do make it to the other side, it’s all smooth sailing from there! Or is it? Hah, as they say, life sure can be a beach.
Which is what this is.
Welcome to your Beach Episode, folks. Now that you’ve made it out of the collapsing sand castle, you’ve made it to the luxurious, picturesque golden coastline. Sure, you’re coughing up fine, luxurious, sand dust right now and you’ve definitely gotten sand in all of your crevices thanks to your swimsuit, but that’s okay! Go take a soak in the ocean or something or cool off with a smoothie. There’s a smoothie shack off into the distance, complete with a long chalkboard with… well, probably a few familiar names? And some unfamiliar ingredients. Sounds appetizing right?
That said, once you do ingest some of the smoothie with the name of a newcomer, you might suddenly find yourself feeling a bit… different. You’ll be taking on some of their traits, one of the most intense parts of their personality – or you might need to take a second to sit down because you’re suddenly seeing one of their memories. Whoa. What do they actually put in this stuff?
PHASE IV [ 1500 ] For the brave souls that venture out into the water, you have even more adventures waiting for you. Anyone who’s swimming around, wading in the water—hell, even looking at the water is getting scooped up and deposited in one of these giant orbs. But don’t take up too much room, because someone else is getting shoved right in there with you. Time to get cozy with your new friend, because it's only going to get worse as the waves begin to carry you out into this big, blue, virtual ocean. Hopefully the choppy waves don’t bounce you around too much or – well, you could always get really friendly with a stranger! Why not?
At least until it’s made very clear that fresh air does not make it back into these balls. That seems like a bit of a design flaw. Now what? Fight the other person who’s inhaling all your air? Suffer through it for swimsuit-clad fun? Or if you break it…. well, you sure are stranded out in the ocean. Or are you?
After enough flailing, you’ll be met by a giant, dumb-looking creature who will then eat you whole.
Everything goes dark. This is surely the end --
And then you're in Cerealia proper; it seems that was the exit to the level (but why there?) and you'll find yourself either in one of the fountains or the pond in the park. Either way, you'll be very, very well. And this time, that's not virtual. But hey, at least you'll have all of your stuff with you.
BONUS [ xxxx ] Do you hear that?
Anyone idle on the beach will hear a distant melody coming from further out into the ocean. It’s a beautiful, elegant song that automatically makes the listener stop what they’re doing and immediately wander toward the noise. It takes you a moment to recall – it takes a moment to think about anything now, really – but you remember hearing the smoothie shack owner say something about mermaids populating the beach. Could this be their song calling out to you? Whether you would normally abide by this kind of call or not, you find your feet walking further and further out into the water, the shallows lapping up to your ankles and up and up as you are drawn in by the song.
A rather classic song, though the usual instances of French are also replaced with the very enticing, enchanting nonsense promise of omelette du fromage........and then they try to drown you.
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no subject
In fact, I've paid enough to order at least three or four!
[With that, Darin claps his hand on the counter to get the smoothie shack attendee's attention. When the attendee comes over, Darin gets right in their face.]
Look at my face right now. See how confused I am? I've been like this since I woke up. Given the fact that you have a drink here that is paid for in confusion, I want the biggest one of those.
And you know what? I think this place has overcharged me. So you might as well get one for my friend here, too.
[At this point it's impossible to tell if Darin is brilliant at gaming the system or completely losing his mind.]
no subject
[Lavellan glances at the drink list again to see what Darin is on about, and can't help but chuckle a bit before she regards the attendee with the ghost of her smile lingering on her face.]
What my friend means to say is if you could please give us a drink apiece, it would be greatly appreciated.
[She flashes a grin-- a winning smile, if we're going with specifics-- before playfully elbowing Darin.]
Oh my, it looks like I've paid for my own!
[...see keywords.]
no subject
[When the drinks arrive, Darin takes a whiff of his. The ingredient list, doesn't do it justice. This'll either put hair on his chest, and blow all of the blue hair off the top of his head. Either way...]
Finally, a drink I can get behind. Smells like the tavern back home.
[Politely, he waits for his friend to get her drink before raising his own in a toast.]
Well, I can't really think of a better toast than 'it could be worse' right about now.
How about you?
1/2
[So she raises her own glass, careful not to take a whiff because nobody needs that drama in their lives.]
To a situation that could most certainly be worse!
[She toasts with a hearty gusto, learned over the past several months with the Inquisition and its many, many beer-ridden nightly celebrations. Without a thought, she goes to down her glass--]
no subject
That... that was--[cough]--dreadful...!
no subject
H-H'okay...wow. Wow. I feel like I just swallowed my smithy hammer. Ugh...augh...
[He places his face in his hands.]
Seriously...I...I think I'm gonna go drink sea water. Right now that sounds so much more refreshing.
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[Uugghhh... UUUGGHHH...]
I didn't think they were serious about the ingredients.
[That'll teach her to not ask the IMPORTANT questions.]
To be honest, I'm impressed you managed to hold it down. My respect goes to you.
[Pause.]
...Or my condolences. Whichever you find most appropriate.
no subject
Oh man...not even the bar back home made them that strong...
[Darin runs his hand over his face.]
The sad thing is, at least I know I was getting smashed when I drank something like this. I don't feel anything other than regret after something like that...!
And trust me, I could use a real drink right about now.
no subject
From my experience, alcohol tends to lead to plenty of regret. With that drink, you've just cut out the enjo--oh!
I'm so sorry-- that was the joke, wasn't it?
[Lavellan...........]
no subject
[Darin shifts in his seat to face her, dropping his chin into his palm as a grin creeps across his face.]
Yes. Yes, that was the joke.
You're good at this.
[This asshole.]
no subject
[She's not a serious person, Darin, honest! She's just... Unobservant sometimes.]
[A lot of times.]
[Shut up.]
I'll try harder next time, friend.
[Wait--]
Ah, I should've introduced myself from the very beginning! I apologize.
I am Inquisitor Aeneth Lavellan. It is a pleasure to meet you, Ser...?
no subject
So...Inquisitor, huh? Affiliated with the military or the church?
Because I don't care for either one, but I'm willing to make an exception.
no subject
...
...Or both?
[HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE INQUISITION...?]
We are an independent organization charged with the main tasks of investigating the disappearance of Divine Justinia of the Andrastean Chantry--of which I am not a member of, to be clear--as well as stopping Corypheus, an ancient darkspawn, from his attempts to bring all of Thedas under his control.
[Cue the theme music]
Occasionally, we also help delegate political matters or find missing cats.
no subject
[ESPECIALLY 'DARKSPAWN.']
[WHICH HE ASSUMES IS BAD.]
[Notice him kind of maybe scoot away a bit, no it's cool Darin you got this.]
D...Darkspawn, huh?
What're those like? Sound bad.
Really bad. Like 'Archfiend' bad.
[Cool as a goddamn cucumber.]
no subject
[She didn't get it exactly right, but it's the best that she knows.]
What is important is that they are dangerous to everyone on Thedas. The Hero of Ferelden, another elf, managed to push them back ten years ago, but they still remain a threat to this day.
When I return home, I fully intend on stopping at least one facet of that threat by destroying Corypheus and mending what he's done.
no subject
What if...and I can't stress enough that this is totally hypothetical. What if you met one of those Darkspawn things and they turned out to be...not so bad a guy?
Like, what would you do then?
no subject
Well, I've yet to find a darkspawn who isn't evil, but I suppose if I were to meet one who was cooperative and not looking to harm anyone, I would grant them amnesty.
It would only be fair, would it not?
[This is the same elf lady who's forgiven straight up murderers and let them work with the Inquisition. Just about anyone's fair game for a second chance.]
[Unless you're Erimond. Then she orders your brain branded and yourself turned into a soulless husk of a man.]
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[That may not have been meant to be said out loud.]
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