You know what everyone needs after rampant robotic attacks and another iteration of clone wars? A vacation! That’s right everyone, you deserve this. CERES understands what you need. CERES is here for you all the time, so never doubt that this is a pleasure colony, and they are here to look after all of your needs. Kick your feet up, relax, and let CERES Recreation and Activity Necessity Keepers (Team RANK, that is) set you up with your ideal getaway.
It’s as if you can sense the incoming relaxation and luxury before you even completely finish loading. There’s the warmth encompassing your entire body as your code gets transferred into this particular ViViD Level. A cool, refreshing breeze hits you. The sounds of waves gently lapping against the coast fill you with relaxation. The sun, the sand, the surfs, it’s all there – welcome to the beach, baby!
An echoing greeting message from the ocean comes next, if you can translate it.
 OOOOOOOOOOOOHMAHH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHD.
YOOOOOOOOOOOORRRALL SOOOOOOOOOOOOO KYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.
KYOOOOOOOOOOOT EEEENAAAAUUUUUUUF TOOOOOOOOOOOOO EEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.
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PHASE I [ 08 00 ] That said, isn’t that breeze a little… too strong? It feels like it’s brushing up against all of you, if you know what I mean. When you open your eyes and look down, it becomes rather clear why. It seems that you’ve found yourself in some pretty interesting attire. Everyone. No exceptions. You appear to have two options – be overcome and scream like the Victorian maiden your heart says you are, or strut like a model in this stuff. Turn some heads! Work that up do!
But don’t worry, we’re also conscious about safety here at CERES! Therefore everyone’s also been provided a pair of super high-tech safety-tested appendage protection floatation devices (STAPFD for short.)
At least everyone around you is caught in the same sort of attire – and everyone around you also appears to be stuck inside a giant sand castle. It’s entirely malleable to what you want it to be! Want to see a fancy sand bidet? Feel like adding a sand statue in your honor? Think that wall should now be a door? Well, with enough perseverance, you can make it happen!
Just uh, be careful about getting sand in your… everywhere.
PHASE II [ 1000 ] Someone broke it. Not pointing any fingers, even though you sure do seem like a prime suspect, but someone broke it.
It almost starts like an earthquake with how the castle starts to rumble, the sand shaking right beneath your feet. And then the walls right next to you start to cave in followed promptly by the ceiling right… above your head. Oh dear. The sand starts to run and fall, losing its structure and shape. The hallway behind you starts to cave in, ceiling first and then the walls follow suit. Now the sand really is getting everywhere – but not just uncomfortable places. It’s in your hair, your eyes, your nose…. this sure doesn’t seem like a pleasant way to go!
Best to start running – there’s a trusty drawbridge to get over the moat (because what’s a sandcastle without a moat?) but who knows how long until that, too, is going to give way? Best to cross over it before it starts to shake and disappear too. Or if you don’t make it, hopefully you can land some pretty impressive airtime to make it to the other side!
If not, well...there'll be the sensation of sand crushing down upon you, filling your mouth and eyes, and you won't be able to breathe at all – and then you're alive again on the beach (but possibly in yet another new, uncomfortable, skimpy swimsuit). Honestly, be more careful, would you?
PHASE III [ 1200 ] However, once you do make it to the other side, it’s all smooth sailing from there! Or is it? Hah, as they say, life sure can be a beach.
Which is what this is.
Welcome to your Beach Episode, folks. Now that you’ve made it out of the collapsing sand castle, you’ve made it to the luxurious, picturesque golden coastline. Sure, you’re coughing up fine, luxurious, sand dust right now and you’ve definitely gotten sand in all of your crevices thanks to your swimsuit, but that’s okay! Go take a soak in the ocean or something or cool off with a smoothie. There’s a smoothie shack off into the distance, complete with a long chalkboard with… well, probably a few familiar names? And some unfamiliar ingredients. Sounds appetizing right?
That said, once you do ingest some of the smoothie with the name of a newcomer, you might suddenly find yourself feeling a bit… different. You’ll be taking on some of their traits, one of the most intense parts of their personality – or you might need to take a second to sit down because you’re suddenly seeing one of their memories. Whoa. What do they actually put in this stuff?
PHASE IV [ 1500 ] For the brave souls that venture out into the water, you have even more adventures waiting for you. Anyone who’s swimming around, wading in the water—hell, even looking at the water is getting scooped up and deposited in one of these giant orbs. But don’t take up too much room, because someone else is getting shoved right in there with you. Time to get cozy with your new friend, because it's only going to get worse as the waves begin to carry you out into this big, blue, virtual ocean. Hopefully the choppy waves don’t bounce you around too much or – well, you could always get really friendly with a stranger! Why not?
At least until it’s made very clear that fresh air does not make it back into these balls. That seems like a bit of a design flaw. Now what? Fight the other person who’s inhaling all your air? Suffer through it for swimsuit-clad fun? Or if you break it…. well, you sure are stranded out in the ocean. Or are you?
After enough flailing, you’ll be met by a giant, dumb-looking creature who will then eat you whole.
Everything goes dark. This is surely the end --
And then you're in Cerealia proper; it seems that was the exit to the level (but why there?) and you'll find yourself either in one of the fountains or the pond in the park. Either way, you'll be very, very well. And this time, that's not virtual. But hey, at least you'll have all of your stuff with you.
BONUS [ xxxx ] Do you hear that?
Anyone idle on the beach will hear a distant melody coming from further out into the ocean. It’s a beautiful, elegant song that automatically makes the listener stop what they’re doing and immediately wander toward the noise. It takes you a moment to recall – it takes a moment to think about anything now, really – but you remember hearing the smoothie shack owner say something about mermaids populating the beach. Could this be their song calling out to you? Whether you would normally abide by this kind of call or not, you find your feet walking further and further out into the water, the shallows lapping up to your ankles and up and up as you are drawn in by the song.
A rather classic song, though the usual instances of French are also replaced with the very enticing, enchanting nonsense promise of omelette du fromage........and then they try to drown you.
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FUCK SHE GOT HER NAP ALRIGHT.. WHEN HER PEOPLE LET HER DIE..
( damn nero, what do you mean! how can you change the subject like that. once she's ready to push, she can hear these OOOoOOOooOOOSUBAASCUBADOOoooOO like noises coming from the ocean! oh no, squinting, nero sees this small little fish and how it speaks to its fish friend...
ok. now that's something but taking a step back, nero flicks her wrist and a small flame begins to flicker at the tips. it's a quick set of motions (leave me alone i love that image?) as the fire grows larger and becomes tangible into her previous giant flaming sword from before. ) Umu! While it's distracted! ( yes.. while it's distracted, she quickly thrusts her sword into the fabric to break the ball and them free from it's encasement. who knows if the lack of air had been getting to them, nero was fine. but not all is at ease........
there's some seagulls that are flapping by.. and damn.. they see kashuu's hair.)
Mine...
Mine.
Mine?
Mine!
( here comes dat bird!!! oh shit chirpup! now they're ZOOMING towards kashuu, attacking him for his hair because it's beautiful! and they want to use it for their nests but how dare they play these games while they're on this whale? )
WHAT THE FUKC IM LOSING IT SAVE NERO
Kashuu still isn't very fond of the idea of popping the bubble, though?! And summoning flaming swords still doesn't seem like a great idea either bUT HERE THEY GO. He flattens himself against the side of the ball to avoid being burned or shanked, and when it pops, he makes a startled sound.]
I thought we were gonna roll off?! [WHY DID THEY DEVIATE FROM THE PLAN, NERO. Now the ball is popped and they're getting fresh oxygen again but it's not like either of them even needed it! And apparently Nero can even tell that he didn't need it - probably - given that he's not human, SO WHY...
AND NOW, SEAGULLS! Kashuu's hands fly up to cover his head but it sure doesn't do a whole lot of good.]
Hey— Hey, hey, quit it!! Cut it out, you stupid birds—! [Alas, they do not listen... So Kashuu, in his scrambling attempt to escape, slides right off the side of the whale and into the sea. Good bye, Nero...]
SAVE HER!! THEY HURT HER wtf when will kash save her
( the seagulls, did they kill him? but luckily for kashuu's ass, nemo and his dad had pulled a little raft for the sword to stand on. though it's about as big as the board from titanic where only one person can sit on it. anyway, it seems this convict whale has taken them far out into the ocean, they can't even sea land anymore. wtf whale!! now if kashuu just climbs on top of the raft but the birds, they continue to lunge for kashuu's hair.
for nero, she's too busy fighting.. these crabs that has crawled out the blowhole of the whale, swiping at them with her blade and killing them in an instant. they're scary, they have lil legs but big claws and apparently this whale broke them out of jail! it's like an army. she can't check on kashuu just yet, she can only be certain he's okay but he's not making drowning noises.....
is he ok. annie, are you okay? )
HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT
But he can't worry about it yet because these stupidass birds are still after his hair!!]
Ugh!! I hate birds—!
[Specifically these seagulls though, cranes and peacocks and all of their other weird bird swords are okay...
EITHER WAY he's smacking at a few with his arm - one goes careening into the whale as all these dead crabs fall off of it?! What the fuck is happening. Anyway, maybe they can just use this raft as a paddleboard and paddle to safety?!]
Get down here!!
UMMMMM GO BACK IN TIME LIKE YOU TKRBS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO AND VISIT ROME!
—Mu! ( ok, well how is this going to work! perhaps kashuu should pull them both up or since nero can swim, she could just float but what if the crab that's coming closer towards them gets them? ) How annoying.
( she sees that evil crab's beady ass eyes looking at them. ) If you get on board of that raft, I shall handle this myself. ( is she about to let go of kashuu to fight a huge ass crab? lord! )
what the heck no
No way—! Look, just, like— [Hang on, give him a second. It's also pretty difficult keeping his head above water when Nero's practically on his back?! THANKS, NERO. At least the seagulls are gone.]
—Just kick your legs or something! We can outswim it, probably!
[PROBABLY.
Look, it's a very large crab and crabs don't even swim, they just scuttle along the ocean floor! He's sure they have a good chance!]
why not :( save mom
now, where the heck did that crab go? maybe you were right and it floated to the bottom of the sea... but damn..
maybe it's little claw is going to grab at kashuu's leg.. finally........... he will learn what hori went through. )
SAVE KASHUU FIRST WTF
Hey! I'm serious, just get back here already! We gotta—
[AND THEN A SURPRISED CHOKING SOUND and silence... Here is Kashuu's second final resting place, locked by the leg and being dragged under the water because this crab won't calm down for five seconds.
But THAT'S OKAY because Kashuu isn't going to join the legion of water trauma swords without a fight!! First things first: when in doubt, just try to kick it in the head.]
STOP SHE IS!! MAYBE IF KASHUU DID NOT HELP NERO, CRAB WOULD CHILL
hell no!! so pulling back her blade and waiting for kashuu to kick at it's little beady eye that falls off... goodbye, nero jabs her weapon into it's crabby body and it sinks into the greater hell... but not so fast..
it uses it's last amount of strength to burst towards kashuu and attempt to swipe at his sword.. but it misses! this foolish crab.. he has came back for one more fight but THERE'S DORY... DORY COMES TO SAVE THE DAY.. HEADBUTTING THE CRAB and they both fall into the abyss... damn... goodbye.
now nero's next procedure is to push kashuu up towards the light.. lord.. you cannot die now........................................... )
WELL NOW THE CRAB IS DEAD
MORE IMPORTANTLY, IS THIS THE END??
No, because they have sequels to star in, too. Kashuu flails like a moron for a second because he's not sure who's pushing him where, but they're not so far from the surface, so he breaks through a couple seconds later... Sputtering up all this nastyass sea water.]
Ugh—!! [JUST UGH FIRST, HE'S TIRED.
He'll look for Nero after that, though. DID SHE MAKE IT. WHERE IS SHE. The whale doesn't have Dory to talk to anymore so it's slowly drifting toward the setting sun to find more convicts to start a criminal organization with, but that leaves them stranded in the middle of the sea with nothing but this popped hamster ball and the distant screech of seagulls...]