estoria | I'm a whole lot better [CLOSED]

Entry tags:

sanji,
zoro roronoa

I'm a whole lot better [CLOSED]

Who: Zoro

serving_love
When: IC 7/19 during the event
Where: Straw Hat Apartments, Occupancy 2
What: Neither Zoro nor Sanji have ever told anyone else in the crew where they spent their two years training. Spirit fox shenanigans are going to force them to find out each other's secret.
Rating/Warning: nothing I can think of, maybe some sensitive topics discussed?

[Zoro has been on the slightest of edges since the day the world glitched around him, and though he still chalks it up to a technology problem inside ViViD, since it happened while he was in the gravity room, Weiss's information makes him wonder. Was he supposed to be in that train tunnel? Was he supposed to die?

And then this place just gets worse on him today, he wasn't sure for a good number of hours but now he's certain there's a weird white fox trailing him around. Only not a real one, no, it's all wispy and shit, and whenever he turns to look at the flitter of white, gauzy movement in his peripheral sight, it darts away, avoiding his eye. He only saw it once for the fox-shape it is, on his way back from the dojo, and though he hurried his pace to get indoors without it and hopefully trap it outside, he's pretty sure he just saw it drift through the kitchen. Dammit.

He is not drunk enough for this.

He hasn't even hardly settled into the couch cushions and he's up again, pacing, trying to see where the ghostly fox went. Maybe he can chase it out? Maybe he can find a fresh bottle of sake in the kitchen while he's at it. Cook's around, though...]

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[He watches Sanji like a hawk, any sort of expression sliding off his face - not that he replaces it with anything negative, Zoro simply returns to his usual blank stone-face while he processes, and watches. It's heartening that the cook doesn't go far from him, and he certainly understands the fidgeting. If he hadn't been the one to make the advance, he might be in the same position. If anyone in the world is going to give Sanji the space to mull this over, it's him.

Something in his chest aches for the briefest moment when Sanji comes back, though he keeps his hands to himself, slumped back against the back of the couch. Somehow, just getting that out of the way has really relaxed him.]

Before. A while ago. [he sniffs a half-hearted chuckle and looks across the room. That's right, spirit-fox, you stay over there] But then you made your interests pretty well known, so I kinda dropped it. No reason wasting energy when you were pretty clear about the girls.

[Damn, that's a really strange thing to hear. It'd be one thing for any random person to have an interest in Sanji like that (it feels like it happens so rarely anyway), but for that person to be Zoro? He remembers the early days, before the bickering had really picked up and they hadn't yet learned just how easy it was to push each other's buttons. Before there was any sort of rivalry between them. Was it way back then that Zoro's interest was piqued?

Sanji had spent those first days acclimating himself to the entire crew. He'd promptly fallen for Nami-san, of course, but even more important than that had been learning the ins and outs of his new nakama. Figuring out their tastes, discovering what each one of them did or did not like to eat... Making sure he was going to be the best cook he could possibly be for them.

It had also been an adjustment period, because it had been a long, long while since Sanji had last regularly been around people his own age. On the Baratie, most of the cooks were older. Customers came and went, but the people he lived his daily life with weren't always the easiest for him to relate to. He had never been unhappy there, obviously. Quite the fucking opposite. But suddenly having Luffy and Usopp to dork around with had made life fun in a different way.

Zoro was always more of a mystery, though. A little older than the other two, more serious... Sanji had spent a good chunk of time just watching him curiously, either from across the ship or through the galley window. He could relate to him as a fighter easily enough, maybe even admire his strength and dedication to his art, but beyond that? Their personalities hadn't quite seemed to click.

He would learn, of course, over months of sailing together, how best to deal with Zoro. And he grew to understand him more. And while, objectively, he knew the guy was pretty easy on the eyes, Sanji hadn't ever...

That wasn't something he often indulged in. Thoughts like that about men.

It still isn't, which he suddenly feels he needs to clarify.]

So what the hell changed? Because for the record? [He points a finger at himself.] Still really fucking interested in girls.

[He knows you can be interested in both, he's more just abruptly curious what kind of signals he's giving off if Zoro decided it was a good time to go ahead and waste that energy. ...He also realizes it's potentially a dumb question, because all he has to do is stop being an intentionally stubborn asshole and then he could probably piece it together himself.]

[It's not like he's forgotten, it simply had to be packed away like a favorite shirt that's too small to wear. That night in Cocoyashi, the happy babble of celebrating villagers, the burn across his chest fading to a dull ache the more he drank, and the cook sitting across from him, casually lighting up a smoke and just talking, not mocking or fighting or anything yet. Zoro had looked at him and wondered. He'd seen Sanji's abilities first-hand, he had already learned in just a few short moments that this man, this new crewmate, could be trusted. And, damn, he was an amazing fighter, there was real power hiding underneath that fancy suit. But then their personalities clashed, things got in the way, women got in the way even if it was only in Sanji's mind, and so Zoro's interest slumbered.

What changed? As he sits there, thinking about it, Zoro can only really chalk it up to this new world of theirs.]

No shit. Just...I dunno, this place, maybe. [and one really awkward thing but hey, the question's been asked, he might as well answer] Then there was that day you brought the books home from the library. I know it wasn't real but. [a small, stiff shrug] Things don't stay buried after a thing like that.

[it sounds so dumb, especially with his complete lack of eloquence, but it's all true]

[Sanji snorts, color rushing into his cheeks, and he can’t help the sheepish, somewhat shaky grin that forms on his face.]

Oh yeah. That.

[Oh yeah, like it's something that was so easy to forget. Nope, the memory is burned into Sanji's brain, thanks very much. As is how Zoro feels beneath his hands, and what it's like to straddle the man's lap…

Geez, and here he's worried about a little kissing when they've been through that and are still managing just fine.

He hums a little, pushing a hand through his hair again and making a show of being a smug bastard because that's easier than facing the way that memory makes him feel. Dammit, what happened to not backing down?]

Guess once you've had shitty taste, you can't help wanting more.

[any other time he might have rolled his eye at that, but...it's true. At risk to stroking Sanji's ego, Zoro sniffs another one of those barely-there laughs]

That's one way to put it, yeah.

[That said...now what? He sits with his hands in his lap, idly rubbing his knuckles. Should he try to talk about it, or just let it go? The silences between their comments weighs too much, Zoro has to shorten them.

Look, it's not like I'm trying to get mushy or anything. And even if it's this place, affecting us...I don't care. It's something I want, now, and there's nothing that says I can't try to grab it and hang onto it.

[Jesus fuck, marimo, stop throwing him for a loop every time you open your goddamn mouth. He's startled out of the smug act, not expecting such a blatant response, and ends up just sort of blinking at Zoro for a moment.

If he could stop feeling flustered and awkward anytime now, that'd be pretty great.

Though that proves to be difficult when Zoro just plows onward like that. Sanji groans a little, dragging his hands over his face before he shoots a faintly annoyed look at the other man.]

Shit, you're so fucking forward.

[Says the guy who regularly throws himself at any woman who crosses his path.

Not that he's actually annoyed, he just feels like he's still scrambling to catch up. He's trying to wrap his head around Zoro being interested in him at all, meanwhile there he is just straight up talking about wanting things and grabbing them while he can and it's making Sanji feel a little crazy. There's one part of that he can definitely get behind, though -- the not getting mushy part. Because if he can't even work out his own feelings yet, then he's certainly not going to sit here and try to explain them to Zoro. No, that's something for later, when he's alone in his room and replaying this entire afternoon in his mind so he can really dissect it.

He shakes his head a little, continuing from where he just left off.]

But okay, I— Fine. Good. I can't fucking handle you being mushy anyway, it's weird. In fact, we don't even gotta talk anymore today! Think I'm all talked out. We can just...

[...Uh.

Not sure where he was going with that.

Sanji swallows, glancing at the space between them on the couch. Then he shifts, turning toward Zoro again, his hands gripping the cushion beneath him like he needs something to hold onto.]

You sound like a shitty caveman, you know.

[Not talking about it is perfectly fine with Zoro, he's not sure what else he even has to say. He hasn't fully worked out his own feelings, or why now seemed a good time to make a move. Beneath his bluntness and fairly simple manner of dealing is a hell of a lot of uncertainty, but he bulldozes through it the way Zoro always does - by ignoring it and just forging ahead.

He shifts toward Sanji in order to watch him squirm around on the couch, only raising an eyebrow slightly.]

What's so caveman about it?

[granted, he probably fumbled his choice of words, or maybe it was subconscious. He's never been good at that.]

[Arches an eyebrow right back at him.]

You want something, now, nothing says you can't grab it...?

[Well, try to grab it, but conveniently ignoring that part.]

That usually ain't the way I do things.

[Which is not to say that the idea of Zoro bulldozing his way into this -- whatever THIS is -- doesn't send a sharp kind of thrill through him.

So he's probably fucked.

But to forget the consequences, not worry about what any of it means, and just go for it? How hard could that be?]

I didn't mean literally, geez. Just...you know.

[waving a hand helplessly. He's so bad at this]

No time like the present, life's too short, I dunno. Pick an adage.

Why, what were you expecting? How do you do things, besides flail your arms around and go all mooney-eyed? [there's no accusation in his tone but at the same time, don't you dare look at him with the heart-eyes, cook]

[Slight eye roll.]

I know what you meant, I was just— I'm not expecting anything!

[Sudden scowl, but whether it's at the question or the flailing arms comment is unclear.]

I wasn't expecting any of this! Before last week I wasn't even sure you had a shitty libido. [And then his eyes widen a bit.] Not that I was -- I mean, I guess I was curious, but not because...

[Annnd then right back to scowling, as he glares somewhere in the vicinity of Zoro's shoulder.]

Dammit, I don't know. That— [punctuated with a hand flung in Zoro's direction, indicating the moony eyes and such] —IS how I do things, s'why now I don't know what the hell to do next.

[vaguely deadpan] Yeah, well, I don't need any of that shit so don't worry, you don't have to do any of it.

[knowing full well, though, that this little surprise has caught Sanji off guard, putting him out of his easy comfort zone, gives Zoro just a little extra confidence. He sits there all cool like nothing's going to bother him now, one elbow up on the arm of the couch, the tiniest of smirks starting to ease its way back onto his face.]

Curious, huh? Ever actually thought about it?

[leaving it abstract, wanting to see how it goes over]

[Oh yeah, he's really getting himself worked up now. It's like the more collected Zoro gets, the more on edge Sanji becomes. That first comment in particular really has him bristling.]

I wasn't going to, dumbass. That's the fucking point!

[That without all his heart-spewing and spinning around likes a dingus, he's sort of lost. Or at least on completely foreign ground. And how did this suddenly become a 'how the fuck do I move forward?' situation instead of a 'do I even want to move forward at all??' one?!

He tenses at that question, shoulders hunching up as he opens his mouth to blurt out an insta-denial -- except nothing comes, and a few seconds later he snaps his mouth shut again and just glowers.]

No. [A beat.] Not...in a real way.

[Mostly because he never let the wispy, vague sort of half-formed ideas evolve into anything concrete, and all it ever took was one pretty lady to get his brain back on track anyway.]

[and the more bristly Sanji gets, the more Zoro stabilizes. It's easier to wrestle himself into some semblance of control when he can use it to keep the momentum going his way, much like regaining his balance in a fight. Really, if he'd compared this to fighting from the start rather than assume it was different because it was feelings he might not have hesitated at all.

He laughs under his breath at the answer, or really, the pause before it.]

Well, I guess you gotta start thinking about it now.

[though, that's not fair. His smirk fades completely away after a moment.]

No, you don't have to. If it's not your thing, fine. [whoops, not entirely under control yet, if that heat over the bridge of his nose is any indication] Though, you did kiss me back. I was mostly expecting to get back-flipped over the coffee table for even trying, so I'm kinda wondering why I didn't.

[...Well.

Shit.

That's a pretty pointed and straightforward question. One that deserves an answer, though Sanji doesn't really know what to say. He lets his gaze drop, casually examining his fingernails and trying to fight back his own blush for the thousandth time today.]

Because I like that shitty coffee table. Didn't feel like having to replace it after your stupid skull went crashing through it.

[Truthfully, planting a foot in Zoro's face had been the last thing on his mind. For once. He wouldn't have goaded Zoro into kissing him in the first place otherwise.]

Aside from that... Just figured I'd help you out.

[He glances at Zoro again out of the corner of his eye.]

As per usual, you seemed a little lost. Probably from trying to navigate all that pent up sexual frustration.

[Attempt to get back to usual teasing status quo is a go.]

[that just makes him blush even more fiercely, mainly from all the interesting mental images that come to mind from pent up sexual frustration. Zoro wants to deny that he's frustrated but he really can't. He can't even deny that he was lost, in a sense, they both know he was. Not that he couldn't find Sanji's lips, no, but that he didn't know how to act on the desires starting to flare inside him.

Ugh stupid cook, doesn't need to be right about this.]

So what if I was, you wouldn't just. Help me out. The hell is that, even?

[considering how much of their conversation prior involved Sanji yanking his chain, he's starting to worry that this, too, is just having a go at his expense. His brow furrows deeper than ever.]

I don't need your charity, especially if it's not something you really want. Don't fuck with me, cook, I'm trying to be honest here and if it was just a joke to you... [giving him the hard stare, now] Why would you even bother going along with it?

[Zoro, the answer is right there in front of you, dumbass. He can't see it for his frustrations.]

[Oh, for—

Sanji lets out a breath, blowing upwards at his bangs in exasperation.]

Do you really think that damn little of me? I wasn’t fucking with you, you idiot. I wouldn’t do that, not...not in that kinda situation! I ain’t that much of an asshole.

[Which does, indeed, beg the question then, once again: why the hell did he go along with it?

And since Zoro had to go and actually say that he’s trying to be honest here, Sanji feels guilty for not stepping up and doing the same. For all that he’s been trying not to think about it or say anything damning, he knows he has to give Zoro something.

Which makes him groan a bit, a short sound that’s dangerously close to a whine in the back of his throat, before he grumbles under his breath:]

The fuck happened to not talking anymore...

[And then he sighs, meeting Zoro’s stare with a determined, somewhat defensive look of his own.]

I did it because I wanted to, okay? I don’t know why, I just. I felt like it. [He snorts a little.] Wasn’t really thinking about the shitty consequences. Or what it might mean. ...Or if I would do it again.

[that deflates his irritation instantly - insecurities aside, he does respect Sanji enough to know the answer to that. Zoro quiets all over again, flopping both hands into his lap]

What are we gonna do instead, pretend it didn't happen and get on with our usual routine?

[yes, good, a direct look. He faces up to it, locking his good eye on Sanji.]

Fine. That's something.

[which makes him wonder, in turn, if he's planning to do it again, or if that taste satisfied him. Does it mean anything besides he was curious and wanted to try it? Well, if his last complaint shows anything, it's that he might care about the outcome enough that yes, it has meaning. But by the same token, Zoro isn't the type to keep pressing if the cook backs off. They could agree to it right now and get out of it with pride intact.

It's that damn stubborn pride, though, that means Zoro doesn't want to get out of it. Besides, that was a really good kiss.]

[Sanji's look turns skeptical, his eyebrows drawing down as he tips his head a bit in question.]

Fine? You'd actually be okay with pretending it didn't happen?

[Even if that idea appealed to him (which, somewhat surprisingly, it doesn't), Sanji's not sure he likes it being okay with Zoro. It was one thing with the shitty book fiasco when they were acting against their will. But taking that route now seems...

It just doesn't sit right with him.]

No, no! [wow, he's bad at this.] I meant, it's fine if you did it because you felt like it but...whatever. No, I'm not gonna pretend it didn't happen. It did, and I don't regret it.

[earnestly, almost willing Sanji to understand. Even if the cook doesn't want the same thing Zoro does, he just wants them to be on the same page somehow.]

[Oh, well then. That makes Sanji relax a little.

It's almost ridiculous, though. All this over one kiss? It's not like they had a fucking alcohol-soaked one night stand or some shit. Maybe he really is overthinking everything.

And worrying for no reason.

He rewinds back to some of what Zoro has said over the past hour. From "not trying to be mushy" to "don't wanna miss out" and "no time like the present".

And Sanji's own "no point living with shitty regrets" which Zoro just more or less repeated back to him.

All this talk about what happens next, if there's a next at all.

Maybe...

He nods a tad belatedly in response to Zoro, fingers drumming absently again his knee.]

Right. Sorry, that...should've been fucking obvious.

[Clears his throat.]

So. Your best-case scenario. What is it?

[Zoro groans a little under his breath, because it feels like he isn't explaining himself well at all. He's going to have to use his words, real words, not all this vague something and anything.]

I don't know. I didn't really think past that point.

[was he blushing before? well he is now, fiercely, from cheeks to neck to the tips of his earlobes, as he mulls it over in his quick way. The faster he works to think of an answer, the more rapidly the flush spreads]

I don't really got any experience with this so I dunno what to expect. Best case, you're into it, too, and we just sorta see what happens.

[Yeah...sorry, Zoro, Sanji's not trying to have this disconnect with you. He just needs specifics, not abstracts. Trying it out once and then letting go isn't generally how he operates. He has a hard time understanding that someone could be satisfied with getting that taste and then...what, nothing? That's it? You both move on and it's not this Big Thing that everybody has to come to terms with?? Sanji twirls around after women all the time because his interest is in striking up a romantic~ affair with his potential-slash-hopefully soulmate, so the idea of not having an end goal is...new.

So yeah, probably he could've just dropped this and not pushed for answers, let them both gracefully get out of it, but then he would've driven himself crazy wondering about Zoro's motivations and whether or not he was still interested and just not saying anything. Or something equally stupid.

Watching that blush spread is fascinating, though, even if Sanji's not really sure why suddenly now, after everything they've already talked about, THAT was the question that caused such a reaction. He just wants to know what Zoro wants out of this, man, how is that any worse than admitting interest in the first place??]

See what happens.

[Hmmmm that's so open-ended...

But actually. Maybe that's better? Since Zoro is not his potential-slash-hopefully soulmate, obviously, so just rolling with whatever is probably fine. Possibly. And safe. No danger of shitty emotional entanglements.

Wow, he's actually considering this. But you know what? That was a really good kiss and goddammit, he's kind of intrigued now. Fucking figures. He drums his fingers against his leg some more, thinking, but then out of nowhere he's abruptly really sick of thinking and just shoves all that to the side. To hell with it.]

Okay.

[Zoro sits up sharply at that, his good eye going wide. He did not expect that kind of reaction.]

Wait, what? You really want to?

[While it's true that Zoro could have gone on with his life silently and privately stewing over his thoughts, up until he notices that he really isn't satisfied with that one taste and tries another move, and another, continually bugging Sanji until it comes to a head again and next time maybe it won't end so gracefully...this is a much better outcome. Less irritation and potential fights this way.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out in a huff, and then rubs a finger over the bridge of his nose like that's all he needs to squash down the blush that only gets stronger.]

Well. Good. Yeah. Good.

[awkward staring. NOW WHAT? Does he try to kiss him again? Or is that too much? Ugh how does the cook do this?

Or maybe he doesn't...that would explain a lot...]

[Ding ding ding! Geez, ya moron, how many times have you seen him actually be successful?

But anyway.

Sanji ends up rearing back just a touch at that reaction, simply because he's as startled as Zoro seems to be. Everything from the bumbling answer to the deepening blush strikes him deep in his chest, a weird sort of pang that makes his breath hitch. The awkward stare that follows proves to be too much, and for a moment Sanji can't do anything but return it, blinking wide eyes at the other man, but then...

Then he suddenly finds himself having to fight back an eruption of probably ill-timed snickering.

There's nothing negative in it, he's actually filled with the sort of warm fondness he usually associates more with the younger guys on the crew, but still. He doesn't want Zoro to think he's laughing at him, even though he kind of is, but it's just. The fumbling, the fact that he's clearly pleased but still just fucking clueless, god, they're really a couple of idiots. Because it's not like Sanji's making a move here either. Had the shitty giggles not interrupted him, he probably would've sat there in an awkward stare-down until time crawled to a stop.]

So— So it's good, then? Sorry, marimo, didn't quite catch that.

Shut up! [the giggle-fit is cute, but at the same time, exasperating. Zoro can't stop blushing now, and it's the craziness of the whole situation that keeps him from even starting to feel like he's being laughed at. No, it's completely ridiculous, so they really need to learn to laugh at themselves, and after a moment, Sanji's giggles spread to him. Low, quiet chuckles, vaguely self-deprecating.]

C'mon, don't give me that shit. I know this is weird, I never thought I'd ever even be in this situation.

[he throws a hand over and bangs his knuckles against Sanji's knee again.]

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