[closed]

[flamberge]

Who: Kratos Aurion  (flamberge), Lloyd Irving (idealistic)
When: 11/7
Where: The shopping district
What: After an awkward encounter, father and son run into the other. For more awkward.
Warnings: none probably.

[Some people say looks can kill. Kratos' look, however, goes way beyond that. His glare could unwind the very fabric of time and space. Maybe if that actually happened, he could undo what transpired the prior few days. The behavior he'd displayed... Deplorable. Unsightly. Just plan wrong, really. Being happy is one thing. Being happy to the point of hugging strangers is another.

He'd KISSED several people, for pete's sake!

The scowl deepens at the very thought. Some poor passerbyer notices the terrifying expression and promptly runs the other way. Good. Please run away from him and stay away from. The last few days involved enough physical contact to last a lifetime. Enough smiling to last it, as well. His face might not be able to handle anymore. A hand gets brought up to his jaw in a quick attempt to massage those sore muscles. Smiling so much and so intensely hurts. Literally.

While in the midst of trying to crack his poor jaw, something red catches the corner of his eye. It's a familiar redness, one that brings out both joy and panic. Kratos stops in his tracks. Lloyd. Some of the sourness on his face fades, getting replaced by a frown. So. What now? Does he face the boy or run away like a coward and deal with this another day? A braver soul would pick the former. Kratos, however, never claimed to be brave. Facing Lloyd now means facing everything that happened. Not now. Not today. With a hope that his presence had gone unnoticed, the man attempts to flee like the coward he is.]

Comments

[flamberge]

[Lloyd behaving like Lloyd, though irksome at times, normally provides a sort of comfort. Not this time. One single word before that killed any chance of comfort. Lloyd uttered it again.

Dad.

Why? Why is he saying it? Why is there no scorn or hatred in his voice? Why does it seem to come so easily? Why? It's unsettling. Frightening. Lloyd's parentage is something which should have remained a secret; the fact it isn't is, honestly, terrifying. Kratos' own face betrays some of that discomfort. Being so in the dark about something this important is main him want to crawl under the nearest rock. Although he remains firmly in place, his voice holds an icy tone to it, with an underlying and barely audible uncertainty.]

No, I'm not.

[Not only had he hugged enough to last a lifetime, but any more hugging or weird stuff now would probably really send him running. Enough with the matter of hugging. What's needed right now is answers, not dwelling on the horror of the prior few days. Without missing a beat, Kratos finally asks the question begging to be asked.]

Why do you keep calling me that?

[You shouldn't know. You shouldn't be okay with it. So why...?]

[idealistic]

[ there's a bit of relief when Kratos says he won't attempt to hug him again (he likes breathing, thank you very much), but it melts away when Lloyd registers the icy tone in his voice. it leaves him feeling troubled, as though he said something wrong, and it actually causes him to step back and regard Kratos with a confused frown. why is he acting like this? last he checked, they parted on good terms.

he can't believe he's even thinking this, but Lloyd almost misses the affection-crazy Kratos from a few days past. he almost asks what's wrong with him when that question gets asked, and Lloyd is thrown for a whole other loop. ]

Why...?

[ he's so confused. why is Kratos acting this way? what is going on? he should know why Lloyd is calling him 'Dad'-- he was there. he was there when it was revealed, he was there when Lloyd finally accepted him as his birth father. he of all people should know why.

so why is he pretending that he doesn't? ]

'Cause... You're my dad. Why wouldn't I call you that?

[flamberge]

[Lloyd says it so casually. It nearly makes the color drain from Kratos' face. No no no. This is not right. No, this is about as far from right as it gets.]

Because you shouldn't know.

[The statement comes out too fast, too startled. Any chance of Lloyd not noticing how badly spooked the guy is just went out the window. But really, what the hell is going on? Is this another sort of effect of the city? Did he blabber it out the other day without even realizing it? And why is this truth getting accepted so easily?? None of this makes sense!

He runs a shaky hand through his hair. Okay, Kratos, breathe. Get all the details first. React later. Don't allow emotions overpower rational thought. ...Easier said than done. He swallows hard and exhales loud enough for it to be audible before looking Lloyd in the eye.]

How do you know?

[Though said slower, the question comes out equally shaky. If nothing else, at least that urge to run away has been replaced by the desire to unravel the mystery of why his son doesn't hate his guts.

...Speaking of which, that's a good question. Earlier at the ranch, the conversation they had was a strong reminder of their status as enemies. This encounter and the last don't match up with that. Neither time had Lloyd reacted properly. Why?]

[idealistic]

[ Kratos's reaction throws him for a loop, and for a moment Lloyd is stunned, not entirely sure how to answer. what in the world has gotten into him? sure, the way he found out about his parentage was... less than favorable, but Lloyd had already forgiven him and accepted him. they were on good terms and had accepted each other as family, even after Kratos's departure to Derris-Kharlan.

there's mounting frustration the more he sees Kratos growing antsy over this whole debacle, and it's only growing steadily. why is Kratos acting this way? why is he acting like Lloyd isn't supposed to know about his relationship to him? it gave him vague suspicions, much like how he'd encountered Zelos a whole back: he acted surprised when Lloyd told him it was over a year since the worlds were reunited, but never explained why he reacted that way. did these CERES folks do something to his memory? would it eventually fix itself?

dammit... he's already getting a headache from all of this. he too runs a hand through his hair, though it's more out of frustration than an attempt at relaxation. what the hell is going on here?! ]

What are you talking about-- what do you mean "how do I know"? You were there, you should know how!

[ and to think Lloyd was hoping he'd be happy if he ever saw Kratos again. ha, some reunion this is. ]

[flamberge]

[he was there? there where? when? kratos' brow furrows. he would definitely remember lloyd finding out about his parentage. no matter in what way or what the reaction was, that would never be forgotten.

but lloyd doesn't seem to be lying, either. why would anyone lie about learning the traitor is actually their father? they wouldn't. lloyd wouldn't. none of this adds up. okay. best to lay down the facts and work from there. kratos takes a breath before meeting lloyd's eyes dead on.]

Lloyd. I have no recollection of you ever finding this out.

[no trace of joking around can be heard. he's completely serious. an underlying tone of uncertainty accompanies the serious, however. what could possibly be going on...]

[idealistic]

[ this has to be a joke. it has to be some sort of cruel, messed up joke that Kratos decided now would be a good time for. Lloyd wants to believe that's the case: even if this is definitely something that Kratos would never joke about — as far as Lloyd knew — he's so desperate to have his father back after missing him for almost two years that he almost wants to believe in this possible twisted sense of humor. it's possible, right? it's not the first time Kratos said something that was meant as a joke and Lloyd took it seriously.

but… ]

But…

[ but there's no way he could be joking. even if Lloyd had trouble trying to figure out whether or not he really was joking in most instances (and how; this man's humor was drier than the Triet desert), he could tell that this wasn't one of them. the way he looks him in the eye has him shrink back almost, and it takes a moment before Lloyd can collect himself to try and continue his argument. he has to stand firm because he not only knows that Kratos is his father, but he's forgiven him for all the trouble he's caused Lloyd and his group in the past. ]

This isn't funny. Of course you should, you…!

[ he so badly wants to believe this is a joke. he so badly wants to believe that Kratos had somehow unearthed his sense of humor from his four millenia worth of issues, but he can't bring himself to believe in something that is apparently most likely a lie.

he can't even bring himself to finish his own argument. ]

[flamberge]

[what the oddest part in all this is remains hard to pick out. is it the fact lloyd knows? or the fact kratos doesn't know how he knows? or that lloyd looks openly distraught by the idea of kratos not knowing? or maybe all of the above? choice d is the correct answer! it's enough to make his head spin. all this needs is another plot twist like yuan suddenly befriending lloyd or some nonsensical idea like that.

some of the harshness from Kratos' face vanishes. though he remains serious, it's hard to be cold when your son's making a face like that. ...why is his son making a face like that?]

I don't. To my knowledge, you lacked any idea as to the identity of your biological father.

[and he damn sure planned on keeping it that way. no evidence left, no emotions betrayed to the point they'd get attention, not enough of a resemble to draw that conclusion so then HOW does lloyd know? and WHY isn't he angry?

that may be the most off-putting aspect about this: the lack of hate. learning the truth isn't impossible, especially with the idiot chosen being among his choice of company. what IS impossible is accepting said parent or at least not hating their guts. it's just how it should be!! villains are meant to be hated. he harmed lloyd in so many ways that the only thing the boy ought to feel is hatred! so why... why isn't that the case?]

[idealistic]

[ well, that nonsensical idea is close enough. they already have an alliance in protecting the Yggdrasill sapling, ever since Yuan took up the mantle of the tree's guardian.

but that's neither here nor there.

however minuscule it was, Lloyd catches the slight softening in Kratos's expression. it throws him off, definitely, because he also sees the man that he knew was his father and not someone who's claiming that Lloyd shouldn't know squat about it. he's not seeing the wrong face of the past, he's not seeing Kratos the angel; he's seeing Kratos the hero-- no, Kratos, his father. it quells his annoyance some, but not entirely. he'll only feel better when he knows that Kratos will realize that yes, Lloyd knows that he's his father.

that yes, Lloyd's already long since forgiven him.

and that yes, he wants nothing more than to run into his father's arms because he's missed him so, so much even though they had their own circumstances to worry about.

for now, he'll just put up with this steaming pile of bullshit so that he could explain his side of things. ]

Yeah, I didn't know you were my dad.

But I know now thanks to Yuan, and it's been a while since I found out! [ "almost two years" a while, to be exact. plenty long enough for Lloyd to have completely forgiven Kratos and accepted him as his father, even if it only took Lloyd a matter of days in reality. the urge to beat this factoid into him, to grab him by the lapels of his dumb swallowtail cape, was growing so immensely that Lloyd had to ball up his fists in an attempt to root himself to the ground and not rush the man before him.

unfortunately, Lloyd was never one to be patient. already, he can feel his arms shaking from how much he's holding back. ]

[flamberge]

[all this continues to raise more and more questions. he didn't know. right, that assumption had been correct and added up with everything that took place during the journey of world regeneration. then yuan did something and lloyd now knows. when did h--

wait... kratos' eyes narrow. one of those words is NOT like the other. addressing how long it's been or why lloyd's shaking can wait until the more troubling, if annoying part of that sentence gets cleared up.]

Thanks to Yuan?

[the keyword in this is YUAN. yuan is why lloyd knows? yuan is the reason why lloyd has to deal with knowing his parentage? so help him if lloyd confirms it. this was kratos' secret and his alone to decide whether to share or not. yuan had no right to tell lloyd.

add in the fact that the reason behind revealing it could not have been noble and kratos feels his blood begin to boil. chances are it was done to manipulate lloyd into doing something. that bastard. lloyd never should have known. chances are whatever yuan wanted would have come to pass anyway. that damn impatient bastard. first with the summon spirits and the great seed and now this.

his anger remains well hidden and only shows up as a mild leer. taking it out on someone innocent, on lloyd especially, won't do any good. lloyd doesn't deserve it. lloyd didn't deserve to be used in yuan's hair-brained scheme. lloyd definitely didn't deserve to be burdened with the truth.]

[idealistic]

[ to Lloyd, Kratos's leer is like any other leer he had on-- if Lloyd seemed to be none-the-wiser to any sort of deep buried anger from Kratos, that is because he is. even after traveling with him during the Journey or Regeneration, Lloyd was still blind to just how much anger Kratos could possibly be feeling compared to what he allowed to show. to him, Kratos just either seemed to be scary or extra scary. at the moment, he seemed to be teetering between the two.

not that he's letting it get to him personally; he stands firm under his leer. Kratos's reaction to that bit of news is definitely confusing, but he definitely stands firm. he knows what he believes, he's not backing down now. ]

Yeah, thanks to Yuan. [ it was only obvious. Lloyd would have been completely oblivious had Yuan not used him as a bargaining chip, or so he believed. if he hadn't known about his parentage...

no, best not to let that thought continue. the past is the past, and there's no way he can ignore what he knows. ]

And you were there when he said I was your son.

[ could he be trying to drill that factoid into his head? perhaps, Lloyd always was stubborn by what he believed to be reality. at this point, there is a small part of him that kind of believes Kratos claiming that he doesn't remember Lloyd knowing about his parentage. only a small part, though; he's still convinced that this has to be some sort of game played by either Kratos or some other outside source. still, he's forcing himself to believe, little by little. there's no way Kratos could joke about something like this and there's no way he could just forget such a detail.

unless those CERES folks had a hand in it... ]

[flamberge]

['he said'. yuan said it, not kratos himself. in other words, yuan IS at fault. the next time they meet, so help him if yuan doesn't get strangled by his own cape. the only reason becoming full enraged doesn't happen is thanks to that first part about actually being there.

the extra scary expression goes back to just scary. lloyd has a habit of saying incorrect information but this doesn't seem like it. that leaves lloyd telling the truth, which also can't be right. what explanation accounts for neither of them lying? kratos' mind jumps to the world itself. given the lackluster track record of those in charge, doing something to either distort memories or remove them can't be dismissed.

this theory remains unshared for now. meaningless conjecture goes nowhere and other things are more pressing to discuss.]

I wasn't.

[very bluntly said to emphasis the truthfulness of it. a split second passes before he speaks again.]

Would you mind telling me the details of what happened then?

[lacking memory of the event doesn't mean not wanting to know what happened. far from it. it involves possibly his most well guarded secret blatantly exposed to the world by a cape-wearing jackass. damn right he wants to know.

and maybe, just maybe, lloyd'll let slip the reason behind not claiming that he has no father other than dirk. the very idea of being accepted... it's something kratos can't wrap his mind around.]

[idealistic]

[ Kratos's constant denial may be the truth, but it only serves to annoy Lloyd further. why? why does he keep denying it? after all that grief he felt at the discovery, at having to fight him to the death, at having to say goodbye to him so shortly after reuniting with him… he's finally reunited with him after having believed that he would never, ever see his father again.

and this is what he's met with: his father denying that all of that happened in the first place. that he was never at the big reveal, that he never challenged Lloyd to the duel at the seal, and that he never departed for Derris-Kharlan. logically, Lloyd should get to the bottom of this — and he wants to, dammit does he want to — but Lloyd's never been one to follow logic ("Just because the logic is sound, doesn't mean it's right"). instead, it just causes him more grief.

his chest twists painfully, and he can feel the annoying prickle at his eyes, but he does his damnedest to hold back the tears. Kratos's bluntness hurts, but Lloyd tries his best to not let it show… which is unfortunately difficult for someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. ]

But you… [ he can't take it anymore. he shakes his head as though denying Kratos's own denials, looking straight at him. ] …Dammit, why do you keep saying that?!

[ it's unfair. even though he understood what their respective missions were and respected them, he still missed Kratos, and thought of him nearly everyday. a small part of him that never died secretly hoped that he would see his father again, that Derris-Kharlan would orbit close enough to Aselia while Lloyd was still alive so that he could see him once more. he allowed himself to be a selfish child, yearning for more than a teaser-- he wanted his father back.

is this what he deserved for being selfish? ]

Why do you keep saying you weren't there when you were?! Yuan brought you out to Altessa's, so you should-- Dammit, you even took his hit for me!

[ he doesn't care if his yelling is finally attracting attention. let them watch; all that matters to Lloyd right now is getting his father back. ]

[flamberge]

[anyone watching isn't a concern at all right now. everyone and anything besides him and lloyd becomes purely background noise.

kratos is rendered momentarily speechless. those words and the emotion behind them would not have had this effect alone, but those eyes... unshed they may be, but tears are still tears.

lloyd is close to tears.

something about that hurts so much. lloyd is crying because of him. this only piles onto the confusion of why all this is eliciting this sort of reaction. the serious gaze on kratos' face softens into something far more gentle, far less guarded. your own child being this upset because of you has this effect, even on someone who has long since forfeited the title of father.]

...Why are you so upset?

[why? all of lloyd's questions are ignored in favor of asking this. it just... doesn't make any sense. the lack of memory makes far more sense as it can be attributed to CERES messing something up. their mess up, however, still fails to explain why lloyd is nearly crying because of this, because of the traitor not remembering when his secret was exposed.

the only explanation remaining can't be right. lloyd can't possibly...]

[idealistic]

Because I missed you, you jerk!

[ a couple of tears fall before he even notices, and it's only then that he brings a hand up to roughly wipe them away. dammit. he isn't supposed to be crying, he's supposed to be asking him "why?" why is Kratos playing dumb? why is he constantly claiming that Lloyd shouldn't know? and more importantly: why does he choose to do it now, when Lloyd had pretty much accepted that he would never see his father again for as long as he lived?

a part of Lloyd, the one that's still together, tells him that it's probably not his fault. there is a chance that Kratos is hiding something from him, or it could be that CERES did something to him to make him forget that Lloyd knew about their relationship already. if that was the case, what else did he forget? did he forget about how he survived being freed from Origin's seal, or how Mithos had fallen by his hand and the worlds were reunited? did he forget about Yggdrasill? and did he forget about Lloyd's current "condition"?

he doesn't voice those questions, though. his heart takes precedence over his mind, and he's far too angry at Kratos to think rationally. ]

I-I get it, okay? I know why you had to go back to Derris-Kharlan, I know how important it was! I was still taking care of what I had to do back home and I was fine with it!

[ he's still rubbing at his eyes, trying to catch the tears before they fall. everything he bottled up for the last year and a half: all the heartache, all the confessions and admittances to Colette when she asked if he was okay, all the hesitant pauses before adding "…hi, Dad" to his mother's grave-- it rushes out all at once and Lloyd is nigh powerless to stop it. ]

But it's been almost two years! I missed you, I thought I would never see you again! And now you're here saying I shouldn't know that you're my dad and--!

[ a sob escapes before he can finish that sentence. all he wanted was his father back. that's all he wanted. ]

[flamberge]

[any chance of getting through this conversation with relative indifference shatters. kratos' eyes widen and his chest tightens at the sight of those tears falling. there's actual tears now. if that isn't enough, what lloyd says confuses him for so many reasons, but the most confusing aspect is being missed.

not even the most cynical, self-loathing part of him can deny those words and the implication behind them, the implication that lloyd actually cares. it's so difficult to wrap his mind around the idea. no one in their right mind could care for a father as horrid as he, or so he thought. for some reason, his son misses him to point of crying due to not having seen him for two years. ...two years? no, they had seen the other minutes earlier. more of CERES' screw up, no doubt.

much as kratos wants to instantly steer the conversation to discussing the two year comment, he can't. his mouth opens and closes several times but words fail to come out. the urge to comfort lloyd conflicts with the desire to get to the bottom of things. the struggle continues for a few moments more before one finally wins out.]

I...I'm sorry, Lloyd, I really don't remember any of that.

[any of the former harshness has melted away into an overly gentle, if somber tone. it isn't super comforting, but it's the best kratos can do right now. ugh, how he wishes he did remember. whatever CERES did, they'll pay for it. the lack of memory is one thing; making lloyd cry as a result is another.]

[idealistic]

Then quit acting like it never happened!

[ maybe if Lloyd were in a proper state of mind, he would be reeling at the rare instance of Kratos apologizing. it's not that it was the first time he's heard him do so because it certainly wasn't, but even after not seeing him for so long, Lloyd remembers that getting an "i'm sorry" out of the man was like pulling teeth. even if he had reason for staying quiet 99% of the time (which he understands but never quite agreed with), it was still really damn frustrating.

at the same time, maybe he could also realize that Kratos was claiming that he never remembered it, not that he claims it never happened. Lloyd's not one to put words in people's mouths, but dammit Kratos sure was insisting on making it seem that way.

it is comforting, though. hearing this tone of voice from Kratos, even if it wasn't as comforting as it could be, was enough to quell some of Lloyd's upset-- although he did have to will himself to not cry harder. there he is. there is the Kratos that he knew, the one that he could proudly call his father. he knew he was never gone; he was just hiding behind that stupid shield that he seemed to like putting up. it's enough to help him calm down despite how much his chest hurt when his father spoke, and with a final sniffle, he wipes off the last of his tears.

jeez, how embarrassing… even if it was in front of his father-- actually, it's because it was in front of his father (and god knows how many other people) that it was so embarrassing. he can feel his cheeks burn as he musters the will to ask what's probably the smartest question he's asked thus far. ]

But… fine. What do you remember?

[flamberge]

[no words come from kratos' end until lloyd settles down. not only is talking while calm better but he just lacked any idea of what to say. both tears and the words accompanying them render the man effectively speechless. all that's transpired ought to have made it clear that his behavior isn't an act. then again, his track record does make it a possibility

waiting results in being asked a good question, one far easier to answer than its predecessor. the kindness in his voice is no long present upon speaking and all his shields are back in place. for the most part. no one could be fully composed in this situation, not even a 4000 year old angel.]

The last thing I recall is Phaidra asking that I escort The Chosen to your father's [pause] to Dirk's house.

[a request he'd accepted, oddly enough. that poor girl's suffering was partially his fault so accepting a request so simple felt only right. dirk may lack the knowledge to help but he had planned to help push their search in the right direction before returning to yggdrasill's side and probably make more people suffer

like he's making lloyd suffer right now. best father in the world right here.]