estoria | 99% idiot ( closed )

Entry tags:

99% idiot ( closed )

Who: Souji (

bigstick)
When: IC 11/21
Where: Shopping district, evening.
What: random encounters, old school meets new school, technology why.
Rating/Warning: none, probably.

[it's breaktime.

which, for souji, means doing little more than grabbing onigiri from a food stall and sitting on a bench for a minutes before he picks up patrolling the city for anything important—like he does on most nights.

he's got the idea in mind to learn a little more about how the cerevice works; he hadn't bothered beyond the very basics before since it didn't seem necessary. but as more people filter into the city and use it much more often than they used to? well, he's probably going to end up needing it at some point. but a guy that comes from the 1860s isn't exactly adept at this. even his previous jamajar network experience didn't stretch beyond a very basic phone with limited capabilities.

so with the riceball in one hand and the cerevice in the other, souji's brows are knit with confusion. clearly? he's got no idea what he's doing, which is annoying when there are very specific things he wants to figure out. randomly pressing things, opening apps... well, it just results in a lot of beeping and errors. it's not conducive to anything at all.

so he's sighing a bit at it, and somehow the hum that he emits manages to sound passive aggressive... towards the cerevice. amazing. clearly, he needs help. someone help the obstinate and clueless samurai, please.]

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[ america's on a quest to eat at every food stall in the city. now sure, that sounds a little bit crazy but think about it -- food. where can that go wrong?

... okay, maybe he's had a little food poisoning here and there but that's all part of the adventure. once it's gone, he picks up and keeps going. today's food stall adventure has left him to a tiny little cart with a nice selection of freshly made onigiri amongst other things and he's down with that. right now, he's in the middle of badgering the guy to put something normal in the rice ball, like ground beef when he hears a very passive aggressive sigh. ]

Dude, though, hear me out. It's like... rice! And meat! And not that weird seaweed shit!

[ he looks over to his side, holding up a hand to silence the guy as he tries to figure out where the source is coming from. it doesn't take long for him to spot souji, staring like a loser at his cerevice. america looks back at the cart owner, pointing a finger at him. ]

Think about it.

[ and then he walks over to souji, sliding his hands into his jacket as he does. when he gets close enough, he'll stop, bouncing on his feet a little with a friendly grin plastered on his face. ]

You seem troubled, bro.

[america's definitely loud enough to be heard from where he's sitting—but souji managed to largely tune it out while fiddling with his cerevice. even as he hears the footsteps coming closer, he doesn't seem to be paying much attention.

probably because the cerevice itself is an attention-thief all of it's own. his brows are still knit, and he's taking a large and somewhat annoyed bite from his rice ball as he taps idly at the screen. yeah. this is not working at all as planned. why does these things have to be so complicated? sure, he gets the basic functions fine after all this time, but anything else?

it's a mystery.

so souji isn't looking too amused when america makes his approach and speaks up.]

Do I? [from knit brows to one being quirked, he looks up at america. he's not quite judging, but his gaze is definitely cautious and a bit wary. he doesn't think any harm is meant by it, and he's not making any quick moves to classify anyone as a threat—but he does seem awfully happy while saying that, and not in the "i'm teasing you or making fun of you" sort of way. aka, the way souji usually approaches strangers to make 'casual' conversation.] Hmm.. I guess you could say it's something like that.

[...sort of. it's not like there's any denying that technology is his weak spot. and he probably looks that way too, considering he hasn't given in to the notion of dressing more modern at all. he'll get there eventually, but after having to wear gross, decrepit clothes from the 90s in his haven life, he's glad to wear something that suits him more properly, okay.]

[ nope, no teasing here! america is just genuinely happy to chat up a stranger and while that doesn't sound as PG-13 as he means it, he really just likes talking. souji just looks like he has something interesting to say, is all, and with his troubled expression to the cerevice -- maybe america can help! he was a boy scout, after all. probably. ]

It's the Cerevice, ain't it? Yours broke or somethin'?

[ he does take in souji's clothing but you know, one shouldn't assume in a place like this. plus he's pretty sure he's seen japan wear something close to that while taking selfies once. there is no judging a book by its cover here! (at least... not today...) no, he's just going to be friendly instead. ]

[well, it's unlikely that he'll be taking any selfies anytime soon, that's for sure. maybe if someone teaches him how to use the camera, he can at least get a snapshot of hijikata in some sort of embarrassing circumstance...

but he's not that interested in documenting himself, when photographs are still sort of just a mysterious and expensive western thing to him, for the most part. even if he's gotten used to the concept a bit more, he's still deterred by most technology beyond the very basics. electricity for lights and heating, indoor plumbing, fridges? those are pretty cool. a touchscreen phone with all kinds of features that his callused fingers can't keep up with? a little less cool to him.]

It's not broken. [...he just doesn't know how to do a lot of things on it.] Annoying as it is, it'd be more troublesome if that were the case, hm? I'd have to have it repaired. Even I know when I'm in over my head when it comes to that sort of thing.

[he wouldn't even try to pretend he could fix it if it was broken.]

[ souji + camera skills seems like a terrible, terrible combination. america's definitely going to teach him how to do it! haha oops, sorry everyone.

you just need to get adjusted to it, souji. once you discover fruit ninja, it'll be just as cool as everything else! damn fruit ninja is great, now america's gonna go home later and waste an entire afternoon playing fruit ninja. ]

Oh. [ . . . ] Oh, haha, dude. You just don't know how to use it! That's why you're sitting here like a total angsty loser. Oh man, I can totally help with that.

[ and then he's gonna plop himself right down next to souji, all smiles. let america sensei help you. ]

...A what, now?

[he looks at america as he sits down, and he says that with a pretty sharp edge to his voice. sorry bro, he doesn't appreciate being called and "angsty loser" just because he generally has zero interest in technology that is over a century ahead of his time.

especially considering the fact that before this, the most recent technology he had was equivalent to the '90s. this is a lot to take in.]

Is there some reason I should be grateful for someone's offer when they start it out with an insult? Lots of men die for doing things like that, you know.

[okita souji: first to reach for the death threats. every single time.]

Angsty loser. Did you not hear... oh.

[ oh you're getting up in arms about it instead. america's just going to sigh in exasperation and lean back on his palms, crossing his feet out in front of him and rocking them from side to side. he is the picture of who cares right now and it's probably not helping endear him to souji. oh well. ]

Meh, been there, done that. Got the t-shirt. Anyway, I was just sayin' you seem kind of all... dramatic. Like, sitting here, sighing about not knowing how technology works like some sort of grandpa. You don't look old enough to be a grandpa but you know, looks can be deceiving! I barely look a day over two hundred and yet, spry as a spring chicken right here!

[ he lifts a hand to clap himself on the chest, very proud of... whatever it is he's going on about. really, you shouldn't expect much of him. he drops his hand back down after, smiling widely. ]

I bet you're a grandpa.

[well, one thing is for sure: america is definitely annoying the ever-loving hell out of souji already.

he probably could be surprised that this guy is a hell of a lot older than he looks, but at this point? it's not the first time he's encountered this sort of thing, and he doubts it'll be the last. if people can come from all kinds of times and places, worlds he's never heard of and with magic, there's no doubt people who age differently can be part of that.

hell, he's pretty sure even the demons of his own world are like that. still, just because he's from a time that's about 150 years from a lot of people he's met since leaving japan... well, he refuses to accept being called a grandpa.]

That sounds like a losing bet to me, really. Unless 26 is now considered grandpa-aged. Surely, things haven't gotten to that point, hm? [he could be a father, but a grandfather? that's pushing it.]

[ you need to chill out, man.

also look at you, souji, getting used to the jamjar life. see america's still used to commenting offhandedly about his nation status or age so when people get surprised over it, it's actually kind of annoying. souji might be annoyed by america but america sure is enjoying souji! what a weird mix up.

sheesh, okay grandpa. calm down, he won't call you a grandpa to your face. ]

Naaaaah, man. Being a grandpa is more like... a way of life, dude. You don't need to have grandchildren to be a grandpa, you just need to like, be a grandpa, y'know?

[ america, what are you smoking? ]

[he's got about a year of jamjarring under his belt—he'd be hard-pressed to find a circumstance that actually surprised him at this point. at least, not when it comes to the non-natives and the sorts of people they can be.]

A way of life? Maybe. Still... isn't a bit presumptuous to assume that much? [he's the exact opposite of what most people would expect in a grandpa anyway. he's not a nice and loving guy, he's a guy that spills people's blood. he's feared by many and known as one of the wolves of mibu—not exactly kind old friendly grandpa material here.

it's not exactly his fault that he's native to the 1860s and really doesn't enjoy embracing too much western stuff as it is, despite the fact that he's had no choice and a lot of it is really, really convenient.]

You'd be pretty mistaken, after all. That's not a way of life I subscribe to.

[ that sucks, bro. ]

Presumptuous? That's my middle name! [ . . . ] Actually, no, it's F-- [ a car horn blares somewhere, drowning out the rest of it. ] Still, I'm gonna call you gramps.

[ okay, that's pretty impressive and all but alternatively: who cares. think on that for a second. ]

Yeah, yeah. You still don't know how to use the Cerevice though, do ya? Which makes you either technologically inept or a grandpa. It's your choice which one to be.

If you've sat down here to attempt to berate me, I wouldn't recommend it. My temper is short and my swords are sharp. I don't think it would be very pleasant for Presumptuous-san to be on the other end of it.

[he's got no qualms with killing america if it'll shut him up. this is really agitating, especially because he's only mostly incompetent with the cerevice. he can make calls and send texts, use the video, checks his messages—the basics. that's all he's ever really needed before now.

(and more than enough generally, if you ask him.)

there are just a few minor things he can't parse because this is pretty far beyond his understanding. which he's not all that thrilled about to begin with.]

Your assumptions seem pretty endless. Really, it's not very nice to assume I'm so incompetent. I've been here long enough to know how to use this thing. [even if it's annoying. and even if it took him a few weeks to even bother with it at all. minor details, here.]

[ just... casually raises an eyebrow!! ]

Was I berating you?

[ HONEST QUESTION HERE. this is the guy who insults people without realizing it, this is just him making normal conversation. it's a damn shame, really. gets him in more trouble than it should. still, he's genuinely curious if he was really insulting souji that much. ]

I mean, I pretty much assume most people are incompetent! Like, 'cause they are! So, I just wanted to help, dude. Did I not make that clear? Well, just so you know! I want to help you learn your Cerevice!

[ a beat ]

Also, you're really quick to want to stab me. I know I look pretty stabby but you should probs see a therapist for that, bro. It's not cool and won't make you any friends.

I don't remember trying to make friends. Really, if I remember right, you were the one who sat down and made a bunch of assumptions.

[this is so difficult, okay. even if america has the absolute best of intentions in his own... really agitating way, souji's just not a very personable guy a lot of the time. especially when he's feeling antagonized.

sometimes it's a little harder to not just pick a fight—his threats are kind of empty right now if only because he knows better, but that doesn't mean he won't hit a breaking point either.

for now, he'll probably just be a shit. because he does that well.]

I'd be more careful with what I said if I were really that interested in it, after all. [he shrugs a bit.] It can't be helped if you're just making yourself a good example.

I mean in general! Big picture kind of thing. Friendship, man. It is apparently magic.

[ or wait, is that a tv show? he actually looks confused for a moment. it can be both, that's what he settles on. both.

still ow... shot through the heart, and a samurai is to blame. you give the 19th century a bad name. ]

I am pretty good at it, I guess... [ that's not a good thing, america. ] What's your name, buddy?

[friendship is magic? yeah, okay. this really isn't helping much at all with souji's opinion of him. it's not like he doesn't have friends, after all—he's just not the most terribly interested in making news ones, especially not in this way.

souji's definitely the kind of guy that can give his type a bad name, though. he's not exactly the most personable when he feels like being totally obstinate about everything. still, as annoyed as souji is, he's not brushing america off completely. the guy may get on his nerves, but it takes a little more than that for him to cast them aside completely. there was a time when he wouldn't even give his name so easily to someone like this, but so much of that mentality has long since flown the coop. thanks, jamjars.]

Okita. [he doesn't offer his first name, and frankly, doesn't think he needs to. half the fun in introducing himself is the wondering if the other will recognize his name (since it's happened so often), but that's lost of someone who doesn't look like they really know a lick about anything japanese. so he keeps it brief, but looks at america expectantly, silently asking "and what the hell is your name?" because really... it's not much of an introduction at all.]

[ come on, souji!! go along with america's kindergarten level way of socializing. it might surprise you!

at least jamjars helped in that respect otherwise this would be going nowhere! america's now determined to somehow befriend souji because of how terrible this conversation is going. your obstinance has made this a challenge for him now, souji.

sadly there is no recollection on america's face towards the name. sure, he knew about the shinsengumi -- was even around-ish in japan during their time but he would never have met them. "okita" isn't enough to ring any alarms either, unfortunately. he does know he should introduce himself though, so he sticks out his hand warmly. ]

I'm the United States of America! [ a beat ] Uh, not human. A Nation. Personified country. Y'all don't seem to have us in your worlds, so.

[ ssshrug??? ]

A country. America... hm. I guess that explains a lot.

[he repeats it back, but it lacks really any sense of bemusement. it's curious, sure—but the fact of the matter is that he's kind of used to this level of weirdness. if he could meet extremely eccentric sengoku warlords in haven, if he could fight demons in his own world—if he could become inhuman...

well, why couldn't a country be personified? he's come to expect things that are normally illogical, what with how many different worlds there are. of course, the fact that he's america, that he is the personification of one of the more invasive western countries that threatened his lifestyle and livelihood... it explains a lot about why souji is annoyed by him. maybe if the guy that had approached was the personification of japan, or some dutch guy they were better aligned with, it'd feel less oppressive. not that souji has met many americans...

well, he's met a few since living the jamjar life, but he'd only heard stories back in japan. probably not the point here. what is the point?

....staring at america's hand confusion. he's not sure what to do with that at all. he's never really seen a handshake before, even with all the western people and traditions he's learned about in the last year or so, that's one that has totally managed to elude him. maybe it's because he doesn't keep company with people who do that normally; most just bow or wave, and that's easy enough. handshakes, though? what... what?]

[ see, america doesn't know what's going on in souji's head enough to understanding that his presence? might not be as lighthearted as he hopes! he's rolling with it in the aggressively friendly way that he does but besides that... no, he's not really aware of anything else going on here.

but he is curious about the lack of surprise. souji certainly doesn't look modern but he takes america's explanation pretty calmly. that's fine, america prefers that, but the lack of it in cerealia makes him question when he does get it. he'll ask him -- right after he solves this handshake thing. ]

Oh, oh. Right. I'm offering you a handshake, dude! When two people meet, usually it's custom back home to shake their hand. I guess it's sort of the equivalent of a bow for y'all. [ he takes his right hand with his left and gives it a firm shake. ] Sort of like that. You don't have to shake my hand though, it's cool. Just sort of habit for me!

[ and then he smiles and drops his hands back to the bench, all done. ]

You're not really surprised I'm a country though, are ya?

I see, I see...

[souji is clearly not too enthused with the idea of greeting people by touching hands. maybe it's all that dormant tuberculosis, or maybe it's just because it's not a thing where he comes from—and that he doesn't really have the most favorable opinions of the majority of westerners.

it's not really helping to build his opinion of america here, but hey. it's neither here nor there, since this probably wasn't going to go well no matter what happened.]

Should I be surprised? This place doesn't have any shortage of oddities, after all. [it's weird, he won't deny it. he's not even sure how plausible it is, but he's not interested in trying to refute it because honestly? he figures there's probably some measure of truth to it. there are a lot of worlds that have things he simply doesn't understand. and this makes a hell of a lot more sense than half of the features on his cerevice.]

[ you know, souji? some people might call you a bit touchy because of that. hahaha, hilarious.

but on the flip, america still has no negative feelings here whatsoever! he will follow this through! he will make a friend today. he is determined to and it will happen. even the most frosty of dead asians will enjoy his friendliness e...ventually...!! ]

Nah, not really. Most people are but, eh. I'm still surprised we'd not common everywhere! I mean, what am I supposed to say when one of my own is like "whoa, bro, I don't know you, slow your roll." Me standing here all sad and useless. It's a damn shame, I tell ya. A damn shame.

[ america, don't be such an old man. he finishes his tiny rant with a shake of his head and a huff. kids these days...! they just don't get it. he didn't fight in vietnam for this sort of respect.

which is weird to say because vietnam is here and they had lunch the other day, so. ]

[america is such a hopeful man... even with him ranting about things that definitely go well above souji's head. because seriously, even though he kind of gets that america is supposed to be... america? the country? well, it's weird.

just because he's not at all surprised by the massive level of weirdness doesn't mean he understands any of its finer details. he absolutely doesn't. which is why the tangent is one that kind of goes right over souji's head in every way. which is exactly why he's giving america a pretty pointed look at this whole exchange. definitely not aiding in successfully building a friendship here.]

I guess I'll have to take your word for that, don't you think? It's not like I have experience with anything like it.

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99% idiot ( closed )

good lord @ me BUT I'M HERE NOW

WELCOMES YOU INTO MY ARMS... or inbox whatever

same difference tbh

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