estoria | I'm a whole lot better [CLOSED]

Entry tags:

sanji,
zoro roronoa

I'm a whole lot better [CLOSED]

Who: Zoro

serving_love
When: IC 7/19 during the event
Where: Straw Hat Apartments, Occupancy 2
What: Neither Zoro nor Sanji have ever told anyone else in the crew where they spent their two years training. Spirit fox shenanigans are going to force them to find out each other's secret.
Rating/Warning: nothing I can think of, maybe some sensitive topics discussed?

[Zoro has been on the slightest of edges since the day the world glitched around him, and though he still chalks it up to a technology problem inside ViViD, since it happened while he was in the gravity room, Weiss's information makes him wonder. Was he supposed to be in that train tunnel? Was he supposed to die?

And then this place just gets worse on him today, he wasn't sure for a good number of hours but now he's certain there's a weird white fox trailing him around. Only not a real one, no, it's all wispy and shit, and whenever he turns to look at the flitter of white, gauzy movement in his peripheral sight, it darts away, avoiding his eye. He only saw it once for the fox-shape it is, on his way back from the dojo, and though he hurried his pace to get indoors without it and hopefully trap it outside, he's pretty sure he just saw it drift through the kitchen. Dammit.

He is not drunk enough for this.

He hasn't even hardly settled into the couch cushions and he's up again, pacing, trying to see where the ghostly fox went. Maybe he can chase it out? Maybe he can find a fresh bottle of sake in the kitchen while he's at it. Cook's around, though...]

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[He was expecting to be kicked - yes, even while sitting on the couch - so this is a rather pleasant surprise. There's still a touch of frustration in it on Zoro's end, he doesn't know what to do with his lips and it shows, but there's a growl in his throat and his hand on Sanji's collar yanks a little as if refusing to back down first. Yet, when it feels like it's enough and he can break off, a sense of relief washes through him. It's the best possible outcome, and even though there's still a chance he could get kicked, he's at least made his intentions known.

Zoro isn't about to let it get away from him, though, and even if this is a good outcome, he's on edge. His free hand comes up and curls around Sanji's neck to fist in his hair, and he drags his eye up to fix on the cook's face, only the slightest bit worried that he's going to see fear or revulsion there. His face, in turn, is earnest, brow furrowed, determined to see this through until they can agree what to do about this. Even if it comes to nothing, if this is his first and last chance to explore a different facet of his bond with the cook, he wants it to be something he'll never regret.

That leaves him sitting there, searching Sanji's face for a while. There are simply no words, yet, for where they go from here. But Zoro has spent the last seven months, give or take a couple of weeks, in this man's space, living alongside him as friends more than mere crewmates, much it just the two of them alone trying to hang on to memories and routines and strength and dreams. Even if Luffy had never mentioned his weird otherworldly experiences, this is something Zoro has wondered about for a long time, and now it's right here, literally in his hands. WHAT DO?]

[He responds to the yank by surging even harder into the kiss. There's little to no finesse in it, that's for sure, and for a moment it's almost as if this is just another brawl between the two of them. Except there's no winner, they just seem to mutually break apart and Sanji's left panting a little as his eyes dart over Zoro's face, trying to find answers there.

The hand in his hair feels foreign to him, exciting and dangerous and weird all at the same time, almost more so than the kiss itself. Maybe because they're just watching each other at this point, and it's like Zoro's trying to hold him in place in case he tries to escape. He doesn't think he was going to, but if he wasn't being anchored to the spot then who knows? There's something extremely personal about it, too, in a way that's different from the inexperienced mashing of their mouths. Personal or intimate or...something.

Sanji adjusts his grip on Zoro's shirt, loosening his hold briefly only to curl his fingers into the material again. He's not sure if shoving him away and getting some space is the better option, or if he wants to pull him back in and...

His tongue darts out, quickly wetting his bottom lip before he draws it back. If he did free up one of his hands, it would probably be so he could press the pads of his fingers against his mouth and question everything in his life that has led to the tingling sensation that now lingers there.]

...I, uh.

[What? What the fuck is he supposed to say? Does he have to say anything?? Should he get up and walk away or do they have to talk about this like actual functioning adults???]

Shit.

[Forget it, functional adults is not how they do things. Zoro doesn't want to talk about it, either, but at the same time, how does he keep them from breaking apart, going about their day as if nothing has changed, and never come back together like this again? That tongue draws his attention for a moment, and he has to press his lips together to hold back a groan. Damn, cook...

His eye drops to the hands on his shirt and he dares to let out a soft gust of a laugh. It's ridiculous, now that he's on the other side of it and berating himself for ever backing down in the first place. Really, though, he had every reason to expect that Sanji would never want him like this, who can blame him for trying to keep it cool? But the longer they sit there, clinging to each other, not saying much, the more confident Zoro grows. The breathy chuckle is only the start, it morphs into a bashful sort of grin.]

I ain't apologizing this time.

[basically, YOU ASKED FOR IT. It's weird, though, this stupid giddy sense of relief mingled with the vague wish to do it again, warring against his usual stoic need to keep people from getting too close. Maybe it was the memories that did it - the proof that he doesn't need to keep things to himself, that letting other people really see what he's like inside isn't going to kill him.

Zoro relaxes his grip, letting his hand slide away from Sanji's neck. There's so much he could do, but he doesn't feel like testing his boundaries until he's sure he's not about to be shoved off the couch.]

[Yeah, yeah, he knows what you mean, and it makes him purse his lips for a moment before he huffs, momentarily embarrassed. Poke and prod and ye shall receive, eh?]

Wasn't expecting you to.

[For some reason he's caught by that grin and finds himself staring at it. It's kind of infectious, too, and Sanji feels a similar expression tugging at the corners of his mouth for a second before he jerks his gaze away. He's relieved when Zoro lets go of him, though, and releases him in turn before finally sliding back a few inches on the couch and then just pushing himself up altogether.

He has to step away for a minute, that's all. From Zoro, from his stupid grin. He doesn't go far, at least, because the last thing he wants to do is make Zoro shut down in any way. ...Even though that grin does odd swooping things to his insides. The important thing is it's there. So he just angles himself toward the opposite side of the room and crosses his arms, the fingers on one hand tapping in an agitated way against his bicep.

Seriously, how could he kick the idiot or shove him off the couch when he's the one who all but invited his advances? Sanji's face goes warm again just thinking about it, and he rakes a hand back through his hair. He's really gonna have to think about this, examine his own motivations and actions and figure out just what's going on in his own head. Because he's been sailing along on a fuckton of excuses today -- and for awhile, if he's being honest -- and yet he's gonna call Zoro out for backing down? He feels like a giant shitty hypocrite, which makes him both irritated at and sort of ashamed of himself.

The more glaring problem, however, is that he's pretty sure he wants to sit back down, grab Zoro's shirt again, and haul him back in for more.

He does sit down again, at least, dropping onto the cushion like his legs have suddenly given out, and he curls a hand over his mouth before finally glancing back at Zoro.]

You've...been thinking about doing that? [He pauses, trying to remember what exactly Zoro said though it feels like it happened a lifetime ago.] Or you have before, at least.

[He watches Sanji like a hawk, any sort of expression sliding off his face - not that he replaces it with anything negative, Zoro simply returns to his usual blank stone-face while he processes, and watches. It's heartening that the cook doesn't go far from him, and he certainly understands the fidgeting. If he hadn't been the one to make the advance, he might be in the same position. If anyone in the world is going to give Sanji the space to mull this over, it's him.

Something in his chest aches for the briefest moment when Sanji comes back, though he keeps his hands to himself, slumped back against the back of the couch. Somehow, just getting that out of the way has really relaxed him.]

Before. A while ago. [he sniffs a half-hearted chuckle and looks across the room. That's right, spirit-fox, you stay over there] But then you made your interests pretty well known, so I kinda dropped it. No reason wasting energy when you were pretty clear about the girls.

[Damn, that's a really strange thing to hear. It'd be one thing for any random person to have an interest in Sanji like that (it feels like it happens so rarely anyway), but for that person to be Zoro? He remembers the early days, before the bickering had really picked up and they hadn't yet learned just how easy it was to push each other's buttons. Before there was any sort of rivalry between them. Was it way back then that Zoro's interest was piqued?

Sanji had spent those first days acclimating himself to the entire crew. He'd promptly fallen for Nami-san, of course, but even more important than that had been learning the ins and outs of his new nakama. Figuring out their tastes, discovering what each one of them did or did not like to eat... Making sure he was going to be the best cook he could possibly be for them.

It had also been an adjustment period, because it had been a long, long while since Sanji had last regularly been around people his own age. On the Baratie, most of the cooks were older. Customers came and went, but the people he lived his daily life with weren't always the easiest for him to relate to. He had never been unhappy there, obviously. Quite the fucking opposite. But suddenly having Luffy and Usopp to dork around with had made life fun in a different way.

Zoro was always more of a mystery, though. A little older than the other two, more serious... Sanji had spent a good chunk of time just watching him curiously, either from across the ship or through the galley window. He could relate to him as a fighter easily enough, maybe even admire his strength and dedication to his art, but beyond that? Their personalities hadn't quite seemed to click.

He would learn, of course, over months of sailing together, how best to deal with Zoro. And he grew to understand him more. And while, objectively, he knew the guy was pretty easy on the eyes, Sanji hadn't ever...

That wasn't something he often indulged in. Thoughts like that about men.

It still isn't, which he suddenly feels he needs to clarify.]

So what the hell changed? Because for the record? [He points a finger at himself.] Still really fucking interested in girls.

[He knows you can be interested in both, he's more just abruptly curious what kind of signals he's giving off if Zoro decided it was a good time to go ahead and waste that energy. ...He also realizes it's potentially a dumb question, because all he has to do is stop being an intentionally stubborn asshole and then he could probably piece it together himself.]

[It's not like he's forgotten, it simply had to be packed away like a favorite shirt that's too small to wear. That night in Cocoyashi, the happy babble of celebrating villagers, the burn across his chest fading to a dull ache the more he drank, and the cook sitting across from him, casually lighting up a smoke and just talking, not mocking or fighting or anything yet. Zoro had looked at him and wondered. He'd seen Sanji's abilities first-hand, he had already learned in just a few short moments that this man, this new crewmate, could be trusted. And, damn, he was an amazing fighter, there was real power hiding underneath that fancy suit. But then their personalities clashed, things got in the way, women got in the way even if it was only in Sanji's mind, and so Zoro's interest slumbered.

What changed? As he sits there, thinking about it, Zoro can only really chalk it up to this new world of theirs.]

No shit. Just...I dunno, this place, maybe. [and one really awkward thing but hey, the question's been asked, he might as well answer] Then there was that day you brought the books home from the library. I know it wasn't real but. [a small, stiff shrug] Things don't stay buried after a thing like that.

[it sounds so dumb, especially with his complete lack of eloquence, but it's all true]

[Sanji snorts, color rushing into his cheeks, and he can’t help the sheepish, somewhat shaky grin that forms on his face.]

Oh yeah. That.

[Oh yeah, like it's something that was so easy to forget. Nope, the memory is burned into Sanji's brain, thanks very much. As is how Zoro feels beneath his hands, and what it's like to straddle the man's lap…

Geez, and here he's worried about a little kissing when they've been through that and are still managing just fine.

He hums a little, pushing a hand through his hair again and making a show of being a smug bastard because that's easier than facing the way that memory makes him feel. Dammit, what happened to not backing down?]

Guess once you've had shitty taste, you can't help wanting more.

[any other time he might have rolled his eye at that, but...it's true. At risk to stroking Sanji's ego, Zoro sniffs another one of those barely-there laughs]

That's one way to put it, yeah.

[That said...now what? He sits with his hands in his lap, idly rubbing his knuckles. Should he try to talk about it, or just let it go? The silences between their comments weighs too much, Zoro has to shorten them.

Look, it's not like I'm trying to get mushy or anything. And even if it's this place, affecting us...I don't care. It's something I want, now, and there's nothing that says I can't try to grab it and hang onto it.

[Jesus fuck, marimo, stop throwing him for a loop every time you open your goddamn mouth. He's startled out of the smug act, not expecting such a blatant response, and ends up just sort of blinking at Zoro for a moment.

If he could stop feeling flustered and awkward anytime now, that'd be pretty great.

Though that proves to be difficult when Zoro just plows onward like that. Sanji groans a little, dragging his hands over his face before he shoots a faintly annoyed look at the other man.]

Shit, you're so fucking forward.

[Says the guy who regularly throws himself at any woman who crosses his path.

Not that he's actually annoyed, he just feels like he's still scrambling to catch up. He's trying to wrap his head around Zoro being interested in him at all, meanwhile there he is just straight up talking about wanting things and grabbing them while he can and it's making Sanji feel a little crazy. There's one part of that he can definitely get behind, though -- the not getting mushy part. Because if he can't even work out his own feelings yet, then he's certainly not going to sit here and try to explain them to Zoro. No, that's something for later, when he's alone in his room and replaying this entire afternoon in his mind so he can really dissect it.

He shakes his head a little, continuing from where he just left off.]

But okay, I— Fine. Good. I can't fucking handle you being mushy anyway, it's weird. In fact, we don't even gotta talk anymore today! Think I'm all talked out. We can just...

[...Uh.

Not sure where he was going with that.

Sanji swallows, glancing at the space between them on the couch. Then he shifts, turning toward Zoro again, his hands gripping the cushion beneath him like he needs something to hold onto.]

You sound like a shitty caveman, you know.

[Not talking about it is perfectly fine with Zoro, he's not sure what else he even has to say. He hasn't fully worked out his own feelings, or why now seemed a good time to make a move. Beneath his bluntness and fairly simple manner of dealing is a hell of a lot of uncertainty, but he bulldozes through it the way Zoro always does - by ignoring it and just forging ahead.

He shifts toward Sanji in order to watch him squirm around on the couch, only raising an eyebrow slightly.]

What's so caveman about it?

[granted, he probably fumbled his choice of words, or maybe it was subconscious. He's never been good at that.]

[Arches an eyebrow right back at him.]

You want something, now, nothing says you can't grab it...?

[Well, try to grab it, but conveniently ignoring that part.]

That usually ain't the way I do things.

[Which is not to say that the idea of Zoro bulldozing his way into this -- whatever THIS is -- doesn't send a sharp kind of thrill through him.

So he's probably fucked.

But to forget the consequences, not worry about what any of it means, and just go for it? How hard could that be?]

I didn't mean literally, geez. Just...you know.

[waving a hand helplessly. He's so bad at this]

No time like the present, life's too short, I dunno. Pick an adage.

Why, what were you expecting? How do you do things, besides flail your arms around and go all mooney-eyed? [there's no accusation in his tone but at the same time, don't you dare look at him with the heart-eyes, cook]

[Slight eye roll.]

I know what you meant, I was just— I'm not expecting anything!

[Sudden scowl, but whether it's at the question or the flailing arms comment is unclear.]

I wasn't expecting any of this! Before last week I wasn't even sure you had a shitty libido. [And then his eyes widen a bit.] Not that I was -- I mean, I guess I was curious, but not because...

[Annnd then right back to scowling, as he glares somewhere in the vicinity of Zoro's shoulder.]

Dammit, I don't know. That— [punctuated with a hand flung in Zoro's direction, indicating the moony eyes and such] —IS how I do things, s'why now I don't know what the hell to do next.

[vaguely deadpan] Yeah, well, I don't need any of that shit so don't worry, you don't have to do any of it.

[knowing full well, though, that this little surprise has caught Sanji off guard, putting him out of his easy comfort zone, gives Zoro just a little extra confidence. He sits there all cool like nothing's going to bother him now, one elbow up on the arm of the couch, the tiniest of smirks starting to ease its way back onto his face.]

Curious, huh? Ever actually thought about it?

[leaving it abstract, wanting to see how it goes over]

[Oh yeah, he's really getting himself worked up now. It's like the more collected Zoro gets, the more on edge Sanji becomes. That first comment in particular really has him bristling.]

I wasn't going to, dumbass. That's the fucking point!

[That without all his heart-spewing and spinning around likes a dingus, he's sort of lost. Or at least on completely foreign ground. And how did this suddenly become a 'how the fuck do I move forward?' situation instead of a 'do I even want to move forward at all??' one?!

He tenses at that question, shoulders hunching up as he opens his mouth to blurt out an insta-denial -- except nothing comes, and a few seconds later he snaps his mouth shut again and just glowers.]

No. [A beat.] Not...in a real way.

[Mostly because he never let the wispy, vague sort of half-formed ideas evolve into anything concrete, and all it ever took was one pretty lady to get his brain back on track anyway.]

[and the more bristly Sanji gets, the more Zoro stabilizes. It's easier to wrestle himself into some semblance of control when he can use it to keep the momentum going his way, much like regaining his balance in a fight. Really, if he'd compared this to fighting from the start rather than assume it was different because it was feelings he might not have hesitated at all.

He laughs under his breath at the answer, or really, the pause before it.]

Well, I guess you gotta start thinking about it now.

[though, that's not fair. His smirk fades completely away after a moment.]

No, you don't have to. If it's not your thing, fine. [whoops, not entirely under control yet, if that heat over the bridge of his nose is any indication] Though, you did kiss me back. I was mostly expecting to get back-flipped over the coffee table for even trying, so I'm kinda wondering why I didn't.

[...Well.

Shit.

That's a pretty pointed and straightforward question. One that deserves an answer, though Sanji doesn't really know what to say. He lets his gaze drop, casually examining his fingernails and trying to fight back his own blush for the thousandth time today.]

Because I like that shitty coffee table. Didn't feel like having to replace it after your stupid skull went crashing through it.

[Truthfully, planting a foot in Zoro's face had been the last thing on his mind. For once. He wouldn't have goaded Zoro into kissing him in the first place otherwise.]

Aside from that... Just figured I'd help you out.

[He glances at Zoro again out of the corner of his eye.]

As per usual, you seemed a little lost. Probably from trying to navigate all that pent up sexual frustration.

[Attempt to get back to usual teasing status quo is a go.]

[that just makes him blush even more fiercely, mainly from all the interesting mental images that come to mind from pent up sexual frustration. Zoro wants to deny that he's frustrated but he really can't. He can't even deny that he was lost, in a sense, they both know he was. Not that he couldn't find Sanji's lips, no, but that he didn't know how to act on the desires starting to flare inside him.

Ugh stupid cook, doesn't need to be right about this.]

So what if I was, you wouldn't just. Help me out. The hell is that, even?

[considering how much of their conversation prior involved Sanji yanking his chain, he's starting to worry that this, too, is just having a go at his expense. His brow furrows deeper than ever.]

I don't need your charity, especially if it's not something you really want. Don't fuck with me, cook, I'm trying to be honest here and if it was just a joke to you... [giving him the hard stare, now] Why would you even bother going along with it?

[Zoro, the answer is right there in front of you, dumbass. He can't see it for his frustrations.]

[Oh, for—

Sanji lets out a breath, blowing upwards at his bangs in exasperation.]

Do you really think that damn little of me? I wasn’t fucking with you, you idiot. I wouldn’t do that, not...not in that kinda situation! I ain’t that much of an asshole.

[Which does, indeed, beg the question then, once again: why the hell did he go along with it?

And since Zoro had to go and actually say that he’s trying to be honest here, Sanji feels guilty for not stepping up and doing the same. For all that he’s been trying not to think about it or say anything damning, he knows he has to give Zoro something.

Which makes him groan a bit, a short sound that’s dangerously close to a whine in the back of his throat, before he grumbles under his breath:]

The fuck happened to not talking anymore...

[And then he sighs, meeting Zoro’s stare with a determined, somewhat defensive look of his own.]

I did it because I wanted to, okay? I don’t know why, I just. I felt like it. [He snorts a little.] Wasn’t really thinking about the shitty consequences. Or what it might mean. ...Or if I would do it again.

[that deflates his irritation instantly - insecurities aside, he does respect Sanji enough to know the answer to that. Zoro quiets all over again, flopping both hands into his lap]

What are we gonna do instead, pretend it didn't happen and get on with our usual routine?

[yes, good, a direct look. He faces up to it, locking his good eye on Sanji.]

Fine. That's something.

[which makes him wonder, in turn, if he's planning to do it again, or if that taste satisfied him. Does it mean anything besides he was curious and wanted to try it? Well, if his last complaint shows anything, it's that he might care about the outcome enough that yes, it has meaning. But by the same token, Zoro isn't the type to keep pressing if the cook backs off. They could agree to it right now and get out of it with pride intact.

It's that damn stubborn pride, though, that means Zoro doesn't want to get out of it. Besides, that was a really good kiss.]

[Sanji's look turns skeptical, his eyebrows drawing down as he tips his head a bit in question.]

Fine? You'd actually be okay with pretending it didn't happen?

[Even if that idea appealed to him (which, somewhat surprisingly, it doesn't), Sanji's not sure he likes it being okay with Zoro. It was one thing with the shitty book fiasco when they were acting against their will. But taking that route now seems...

It just doesn't sit right with him.]

No, no! [wow, he's bad at this.] I meant, it's fine if you did it because you felt like it but...whatever. No, I'm not gonna pretend it didn't happen. It did, and I don't regret it.

[earnestly, almost willing Sanji to understand. Even if the cook doesn't want the same thing Zoro does, he just wants them to be on the same page somehow.]

[Oh, well then. That makes Sanji relax a little.

It's almost ridiculous, though. All this over one kiss? It's not like they had a fucking alcohol-soaked one night stand or some shit. Maybe he really is overthinking everything.

And worrying for no reason.

He rewinds back to some of what Zoro has said over the past hour. From "not trying to be mushy" to "don't wanna miss out" and "no time like the present".

And Sanji's own "no point living with shitty regrets" which Zoro just more or less repeated back to him.

All this talk about what happens next, if there's a next at all.

Maybe...

He nods a tad belatedly in response to Zoro, fingers drumming absently again his knee.]

Right. Sorry, that...should've been fucking obvious.

[Clears his throat.]

So. Your best-case scenario. What is it?

[Zoro groans a little under his breath, because it feels like he isn't explaining himself well at all. He's going to have to use his words, real words, not all this vague something and anything.]

I don't know. I didn't really think past that point.

[was he blushing before? well he is now, fiercely, from cheeks to neck to the tips of his earlobes, as he mulls it over in his quick way. The faster he works to think of an answer, the more rapidly the flush spreads]

I don't really got any experience with this so I dunno what to expect. Best case, you're into it, too, and we just sorta see what happens.

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