estoria | [closed]

[It is unlike him. He knows it is--he knows it was when he resolved to do it. But he just...could not bring himself to kill Soramaru. And...there must be another way. There must be a way to fix this stupidity, and they were going to find it without resorting to death. Without resorting to this waste of human life that so many people seemed to find okay.

But Sousei doesn't want excuses either. He did all that he could, yes--he'd had a hundred things on his mind, so many people to protect and only a handful of people at his command, but... excuses are merely that.

The end result is that he lost Soramaru.]

... Be that it may. [He still knows it's his failure, but...] We discovered another method of separating the Orochi from its vessel. [Well, more Botan and Ashiya, really, but close enough.]

...Soramaru, too, will be fine. [He refuses to accept anything less.]

You did?

[Tenka is honestly left only blinking owlishly at that. Separating the Orochi from the vessel, it's what he was searching for all those ten years. Looking for those answers and he and Shirasu had never found anything. (Though now he has to wonder, had Shirasu found something and destroyed it? That would make sense if he truly betrayed their family - though even now Tenka won't fully accept that.)

He ducks his head a moment later, feeling the emotion come up. Finally, they could maybe put an end to this cycle of pain. The sort of pain that had made him realize when he was no more than a teenager that he might have to kill his closest friends. That made Sousei vow to kill him so long ago - when Tenka couldn't accept that as the act of mercy and honor that it was probably intended to be.

So despite the lack of information that they have now - where is Soramaru? have they really lost Shirasu? what the hell is going to happen? - Tenka is relieved.

Despite a preliminary sniff, he actually manages a rather tired, but nonetheless genuine, laugh.]

That.... took way too long.

[Ten years (and he still wasn't the one to do anything. What is he good for?)]

...Yes.

[Of course, there's still so much to be done. Nothing is certain now. He was in the middle of trying to make it certain when...well, when he ended up here. But that's all the more reason to return home. There are people to save. There are things to be done.

Japan needs them.

Sousei takes a sip of his drink, calm and placid.]

For that reason, we both must return to see this through. That is our duty.

[It's the task they took up, when they agreed to be part of the Yamainu. And finally...they may be able to see it through to the end.]

['We both must return,' Sousei says. So Tenka just nods in agreement.]

Can't have you hogging all the glory, can I?

[Because he remembers just as well as Sousei does. They were supposed to be the unsung heroes of the country. They were supposed to kill the Orochi and save everyone. They were supposed to accomplish that sort of thing together.

But Tenka's not sure how long his body will last.

Sousei may be willing to drag him the rest of the way, so that they may see the end of it all together, but really, that's only if Tenka's mind and body aren't consumed by the very creature they're hunting down.

He doesn't say that though.

He just smiles and takes another drink.]

[There's still so much that's unsaid, and Sousei can hear it. There's that heavy weight of...so much that's unknown. They've talked briefly about Tenka's condition, but... but it's not getting better, and he knows it. And... this agreement too. Tenka knows it too.

Is he lying again?

Is he saying that just to make Sousei happy? Does he intend to go home only to die again?

Sousei never drinks this much, but he supposes in response to thoughts like these, alcohol is one of the only options, especially when it's right there in his hand.]

Glory...

[his response to that comes quickly, but...it's almost fond, blunt as it is.]

Don't be stupid. That was never part of our dream. [Our--the one Tenka gave to Sousei, which he now refuses to give up.]

[Before he can help himself, the words are out of his mouth:]

A lot of things that have happened were never part of our dream.

[ . . . to be quite honest.

But Tenka punctuates the end of that sentence with another drink.

And then he lets out a loud 'aahhh' and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand before giving out a bark of a laugh.]

Not that it matters. We'll take care of it all no problem!

[Though it's hard to say how much of that is bravado, an attempt to mask his previously rather negative words, and how much he genuinely believes.

Perhaps it's 50-50.]

[...A lot of things did happen that were never part of their dream. The deaths of Tenka's parents, the loss of Tenka in both ways, and all of this experimenting...

Iwakura's treachery... Sousei's fingers tighten on the cup as he thinks of it. He'd called them nothing more than useless dogs, and yet he had been the one always betraying his country.

Disgusting.

Part of him doesn't want Tenka to know. Part of him thinks that it would be fine if Tenka didn't know, because in a way...it just validates everything Tenka did. It validates his leaving the Yamainu. It validates it all, and it leaves a bitter taste in Sousei's mouth.]

... Iwakura-- [...-sama-- no] was making use of the Yamainu to his own ends. He was interested in the experiments that were being done on you, and others with those cells.

...Did you know?

Iwakura - the old man?

[That should answer that.

... though he supposes that it would make sense. After all, the scientists who experimented on him were part of the government, if the shadiest part of it.

Yet he can't bring himself to be mad about that. When he'd seen Iwakura again, he'd gotten a feeling that the old man had changed - though not to the point that he was willing to experiment on people using the Orochi that the Yamainu were supposed to eradicate.]

... News to me.

[Of everything, the experiments that were conducted on him honestly fall under the least of his worries.]

How unlucky.

[It may be the least of Tenka's worries, but it ranks right up there with the worst of Sousei's. He cannot believe that that's what the Yamainu were contributing to. That that's what orders they're still under. Capture the Orochi and bring it back alive?

Don't make him laugh.

He downs his drink, expression pinched.]

It is disgusting, how far he has stooped. [How far they all did, in following those orders.] You should never have been forced to endure that.

[Tenka can only watch, mildly bewildered. Sousei's that upset over it?

Idly, he brings a hand up to his neck where one of the tools used to restrain the Orochi is wrapped around his neck. His fingers brush against the texture of where there scales were and are still faintly growing, though they are not as noticeable as they once were.

He's a monster and he knows it, but-]

.... It was my choice, Sousei.

And if I didn't, I wouldn't even be able to talk to you like this.

[He'd be bedridden instead.]

Our dream would be even farther out of reach.

[Firmly, almost a little too hard, Sousei sets down his cup. And he frowns at Tenka, because--]

There must have been another way.

[A way that wouldn't have made Tenka go through so much pain. That wouldn't have come with an end date.

That wouldn't have ended in so much tragedy.]

I have learned that there is always another way. [That's why he didn't kill Soramaru. He knew there had to be another way, and there was.] I still do not intend to give up on our dream, but I will not forgive you if you give up on your life either!

[Perhaps...a little more loosely said than usual, but...well, the alcohol's been working its wonders, and a lot of this has been buried for quite awhile.]

[Tenka wants to think that there would've been another way. But-]

Our medicine wasn't capable of fixing the problem I had, Sousei. It still isn't. [And he laughs a bit because-] We're in the future where we don't have to draw water from wells or have to light a fire with rocks - and the best I've gotten is a different form of medicine that's still experimental.

Our other ways aren't looking too much better.

[And he drops his hand to the table just as he drops his gaze and honestly-]

I'm living as a Kumou until the end. And that means being their big brother and your partner. I've got a lot to make up for still.

It's just- [He shrugs a little helplessly and for the first time, his voice sounds uncertain and almost afraid.] I don't... know when the end is.

[That's the part that isn't his choice anymore.]

[And that's what makes Sousei snap. They're supposed to take that from this place? From home? From all of that nonsense? Don't make him laugh. All they've been dealing with are liars and frauds. He wouldn't trust them as far as he can throw them, especially not about something as important as Tenka's life.

So he turns, grabbing the front of Tenka's clothing and pulling him closer, expression fierce.]

So you think we should just give up?! That we should believe that that is the best a place like this has to offer, when our captors have done nothing but attempt to cause us harm?

[He scoffs.]

Don't be ridiculous. There will be another way, and I will find it, whether you want me to or not. I refuse to allow you to die again. All you have ever done is leave us all behind, and it will stop.

[He's tired of Tenka leaving him behind. He doesn't want it to happen anymore.]

[That manages to surprise him-

Because it's too easy for him to remember the last time Sousei yanked on him like this, so clearly upset.

Though admittedly last time he was scorning Tenka's life, telling him to disappear. Alone.

This is different but Tenka is still left as lost and uncertain as to what he should say as before.

His left hand comes up to wrap his fingers loosely around Sousei's forearm, a tenuous hold on the other man whereas his grip on Tenka remains strong.

Then, Tenka will admit something he's never quite been able to say aloud before:]

Do you expect a complaint from me about that?

I don't want to die, Sousei. I never have.

[It's just that so far - with the nearly fatal injury to his back, his ordained execution by the government, and his body being consumed by a monster - it's the only fate that he's ever been sure of.]

[Sousei's grip doesn't loosen, either, but his expression does grow a little confused. Tenka doesn't want to die... but that's all he's done this entire time. Worked alone, dragged himself into corners and found himself in a hole he couldn't dig himself out of.

If he didn't want to die, then...]

Why? Why didn't you tell us?

[Why didn't Tenka tell him? It didn't have to be this way. He didn't have to face everything alone.]

You took on everything alone, and ended up leaving behind the only people that mattered to you, after everything. [For the record, he means Tenka's siblings--after all, Tenka had left the Yamainu in order to take care of Soramaru and Chuutarou.]

Why would I tell you?

I couldn't stand, let alone be the Yamainu Captain and our instructor [our father] was murdered. I left because I had my little brothers but-

But I wouldn't have been able to keep up with you guys. How could I try to hunt down the Orochi with you guys when I was using its cells to walk?

[Tenka lives a life of secrets but that... that would've been too much for even him. How could he try to kill one of his friends if they were the vessel for the Orochi when the same Orochi was letting him keep his own life?

And at the mention of his brothers, that- that gets Tenka to falter even further.]

.... I didn't mean to make them cry, but they're strong. They can be a lot stronger than I ever was- ever could be.

I'd thought-

[And he laughs again, weakly.

(Laugh, just laugh.)]

I'd thought it would only hurt for a little while. But they'd be okay without me.

Just like I thought you'd gone on just fine without me.

So not telling anyone... just made sense at the time. I guess I was wrong again.

[...He was wrong again. Entirely, completely wrong. Sousei bows his head for a moment (something he so rarely, ever does, because he's always thought that so long as you keep your head held high, it'll be okay, but--) still clutching to the front of Tenka's clothing, fingers clenched tightly.

These are the things he never got the chance to say. These are the things that were always there, waiting to be said, and yet...there was never the chance, and then Tenka was gone from his life.

He's angry.

But he's also so unbearably sad, that Tenka thought this was his only option, even then.]

Nobody has gone on just fine without you. [It's said quietly, because Sousei's never admitted to it before now, but...] I am not you. The Yamainu could never have hoped to continue on as it did when you were there.

[A short breath, and he scoffs, eyes narrowing as he lifts his gaze to look Tenka in the eye.]

Soramaru refused to cry. He felt that to inherit your spirit, he had to be "strong", as if weeping would make him weaker in some way.

[WHERE DID HE LEARN THAT--except Sousei really doesn't even have to wonder. Tenka's influence was everywhere, and it still is, and he's so angry that Tenka can't see it too.]

[When they were younger, Tenka never had a problem with encroaching on Sousei's personal space. He would throw his arms around his shoulders or suddenly tackle him or grab his arm to pull him toward whatever thing had caught Tenka's at the time. Sousei was his best friend and his partner and even though he'd known Kiiko longer, Sousei was the one that Tenka felt the need to drag around everywhere.

Then Sousei hated him for ten years. Sousei avoided seeing him for ten years. Sousei was out of reach for ten years.

Now, he's almost too close and at the same time not nearly close enough.

Tenka's never accepted the idea that he's irreplaceable in this world. Everyone was capable of going on without him - sure, there was change. Kiiko told him how much the Yamainu changed and he accepted that because at the same time, they were as close-knit and family-like as ever.

God, he missed them sometimes, even though he knew he had no right to.

But he also knew that they were in good hands. Sousei was a good leader and already had a more level head than Tenka did when they were children. They were equally matched in skill, so why would it be a big deal if there was a change in leadership that switched it over to Sousei?

There shouldn't have been.

And there shouldn't have been a change in Soramaru's attitude either - his brother was prone to crying. Both he and Chuutarou were. So to think that Soramaru thought that he wasn't supposed to cry anymore... that goes against everything Tenka wanted for him.

Crying was how people grew stronger. They should have been able to feel everything that they needed to - Tenka was just never afforded that opportunity. He wanted differently for his brothers.

Except now, his partner is telling him that absolutely none of his intentions came across as planned.

So almost regressing to when they were kids, the hand around Sousei's arm releases its hold. Instead, Tenka moves forward and wraps his arms around his partner in a hug.

There's so much to say, but first-]

You've never needed to be me. No one ever needs to be me.

[So what if the Yamainu had to change? What's this bullshit about Soramaru 'inheriting' his spirit?]

But I can keep trying to be me if you guys need me around that badly.

[And suddenly, Tenka's closer than he has been for years, and Sousei doesn't know what to do about it. He freezes for a moment at the hug, because... it's been a really long time. He had never been particularly good with Tenka's physical affection as it was, honestly; he'd never really had much of it as a child, so of course it was weird.

But Tenka had always done so. He'd always been close and personal, because he was Tenka. That was what he did.

And then, the only closeness they've had recently had been on Sousei's part, grabbing at his partner, holding him up or keeping him standing.

A moment later, even if he shouldn't, he relaxes. It's...not completely foreign, because it's Tenka. And Tenka...has never been replaceable. He has needed him. Not just the Yamainu. Not just Soramaru. Him, Sousei, he has needed his partner, and it hasn't been the same ever since he was gone.]

...Stop trying to leave us all behind to protect us. It does not work that way.

[His forehead thumps against Tenka's shoulder for a moment, Sousei well and truly letting his guard down for the moment now that they're here.]

We will fight with you, alongside you, to make our dream a reality, just as we all said we would. [Soramaru and Chuutarou too--aren't they as much a part of this now?]

[He'd been worried, honestly.

Yeah, it'd been years since he'd try to reach for Sousei. It was a strange disconnected, considering how physical Tenka would be with people. He'd grab at Shirasu, hold his brothers close, and otherwise use his body to try to keep the people who mattered most to him close.

He'd done it since he was a child - after all, upon hearing that they'd be taking a picture, Tenka had just thrown his arm around Sousei no questions asked. His partner would always be close to him.

And for the first time that Tenka could remember, his random throwing affection at Sousei has been accepted and feeling the other relax is enough to make Tenka breathe out a sigh of relief too. What a strange moment to find scary. But it was entirely easy for Sousei to soothe those fears.

So Tenka just sighs and rests his own chin on Sousei's shoulder, hug only tightening even though he feels himself relaxing.]

... give me a break. I'm learning now, okay?

[Learning. What a funny thought. He'd agreed to let Sousei teach him before and... well, this is a good lesson, he thinks. After all, Tenka hasn't had a chance to learn from anyone since his father died. Since then, it's all been his own judgment and... well, it's clear to see where that had gone astray.]

... We'll figure something out.

{For his body, for the Orochi, for their family- they can figure something out.

Not for the first time, Tenka thinks it's possible as long as he has his partner.]

[He is learning. That...much is clear, even just from this answer. Tenka is learning, and he's trying, and so...it'll probably be okay.

Sousei won't be alone in this anymore. And he won't lose his partner again. And that much is enough to leave him feeling relieved as well. The betrayal is no longer so fresh and sharp and bitter as it was. Knowing why he did it...helps quite a bit, even if it's still an unpleasant thought.

Knowing that plagues Tenka outweighs that immensely.

But now...they'll work together. Here and back home, they'll find ways to fix this. And with that in mind, Sousei knows it will be okay.]

...We will.

[A sigh, soft and quiet, and then he slowly regathers the shreds of his composure and sits up a bit more straight, even if he doesn't necessarily shrug Tenka off of him yet.]

...Perhaps you aren't such a hopeless student, despite how much you slacked at your studies before.

[At least that's...a bit more the usual, even if things got pretty heavy there for a moment.]

[Well, Sousei is free to straighten up a bit more if he wants but Tenka's honestly not budging. Guess who's drunk? Tenka's drunk. Tenka's drunk and therefore he's going to stay where it's warm and comfortable and clinging to Sousei means it's less of his own effort to keep himself upright.

Should've shoved him off a while ago, Sousei.

Anyway now he's just going to grouch-]

Hopeless - our test scores were the same!!

[JEEZE.]

[Wow this is so familiar... now he's going to try to push Tenka off and it's not working.

Why this.]

Miraculously. [HMPH.] You were always distracted by other things.

[mama kumou despaired.]

[nope

not working

he's stubbornly staying where he is, fight him]

I was very busy, even as a child!

[DON'T HATE]

[HATING. also he's going to start pulling Tenka's hair if he doesn't get off of him soon. Just tugging at the stupid crabhair.]

You were not! [WHAT...???] Our matches aside, you spent most of your time dreaming up ridiculous dreams!

[That...Sousei completely believes in. A+ Sousei.]

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